I am not worried that I will mess up badly. I care less and less each day about how he feels. But I still want to do my best.
This is how I'm feeling the longer it goes. I made mistakes know that I wanted us to get better and help. I reading DR now even if it only helps me be better and prepared for next time. I got IC and worked on my insecurities and can see how neediness is unattractive I carried a lot of guilt and let her blame weigh me down I think if I keep at my 180s and reading that I may outgrow her and she will still be suck in anger resentment and blame I've stopped trying to fix everything it's not my burden to carry anymore
Mona, Dryers require a large voltage then your normal appliances, therefore the 100 isn't large enough and you could very well trip the breaker and/or start a fire. It sounds like you not only need a roofer, but an electrician as well. If you don't get that water issue resolved, you very well may have some additional issues w/the electricity.
This doesn't make any sense "He knows I work all week, he knows I asked him not to come into my house. He knows he should come while I am at work." Do you want him to come there when you are home or when you aren't? I think I would prefer when I would be at home and could observe what he is doing.
Right now, you don't think he can bait you...but you tend to react to whatever he says or does...my advice, be in another room and have as little to do w/him as possible. If he starts to bait you, walk away...don't get into it w/him.
I would dress nicely and have some nice perfume on. You want him to go back to his little place w/a very pleasant memory of you.
How can they function all day? Easy, they compartmentalize their lives. When they are at work, that is what they focus on, when they are w/the op, they focus on them, etc.
Mona, call someone who knows what they are doing when it comes to roofing and electric. Your h is only going to fix things temporarily. You need to get them fix permanently or your homeowners insurance will have issues if something happens to your home.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You keep saying you've got something for me Something you call love, but confess You've been a-messin' where you shouldn'ta been a-messin' And now someone else is gettin' all your best
These boots are made for walkin' And that's just what they'll do One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you Yeah
You keep lying when you oughta be truthin' And you keep losin' when you oughta not bet You keep samin' when you oughta be a-changin' Now what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet
These boots are made for walkin' And that's just what they'll do One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you
You keep playin' where you shouldn't be playin' And you keep thinkin' that you'll never get burned, ha! I just found me a brand new box of matches, yeah And what he knows, you ain't had time to learn
These boots are made for walkin' And that's just what they'll do One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you
Hi Mona! You said H doesn't understand home maintenance? Yet your Mother is having him come work on a breaker? Electricity is dangerous! Seriously. I've known 2 people in my lifetime who were killed at home working on electrical.
I just want to caution you, that if the job looks too complicated, it probably is - and you guys should call an electrician for this. I'm worried.
On the other hand, dress nicely. Show off! It'll make you feel great, and it'll make him....well, who knows? But I doubt he'll be unaffected!
You're doing an amazing job Mona, not only are you holding your family together but you're also a voice of strength and humor on this board. You bring light into the darkest of days for people on here, I truly hope that once you DB your M or just DB yourself into happiness that you write a column somewhere or a blog!
I'd read it with glee every morning.
Sending you big hugs and lots of love,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
"Depression sign #27: " thanks for posting that mona. After reading it in realized it fit my W perfectly. I was curious about the othet signs so had to Google it to find the whole list but many of them fit. It might have been more useful to me earlier this year but still very interesting to read through. Scary how many of the signs fit so well.
Good luck tomorrow. Just tell yourself it will be a good day, not torture, and you will be fine.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Morning guys. First, I have to say, I told my mother, repeatedly, not to call my H. There is zero chance I can get her to hear me and it is her house. So like it or not, H will be here tomorrow.
When he left me last time, he was working in the electrical field, mostly lighting but I think he has the ability to do maintenance work. It is just, as long as we have lived together, he wont. I complete 95% of all home repairs. I flat out refused to even look at my mother's breaker box. She wanted us to Google it. I flat out refused to climb up on the roof to see if I can fix that as well. So today she has an actual roofer coming over. (And I wont be there sniff** sniff**)
My H may be the worlds biggest jerk, but he understands safety, so I am not worried he will mess up the electrical box in a way we are in danger.
Now I have a confession... While reading your comments mut mentioned that 100 watts can kill me. OMG for a split second, my mind was so bad. I pictured jerkface holding that live wire. Then the next sentence was, do you know CPR. Instantly my mind was like "fat chance, I am not reviving him".
It is so rare that I actually wish him harm. Except I constantly wish a certain body part would fall off. But it just shocked me that my mind went so bad for that moment.
But if I have a random thought of him getting electrocuted, I seems I still have a ton of work to do on my anger. How the he|| do I let anger go when every day he does something to make me angry? I am positive if I can find a way to release the anger I will be in almost the perfect place emotionally. I let go of the pain, betrayal, confusion, denial, and hurt. Now, how do I let go of the anger?
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Mona, Your dryer needs a higher voltage plug. The 100 isn't going to work and will drip the breaker. At some point, it may even cause an electrical fire. If remember correctly, a new line needs to be run to that outlet to increase the voltage. It's not a matter of changing the breaker to increase the voltage.
As for the roof, I'm glad to read that your mother has someone coming out. Hopefully they can either patch the issue or put a tarp over the area until it can be fixed. It could be a simple fix of sealing around the vents or flashing around a fireplace...but the roofer will know.
I hate to say this, but if you are getting angry every time he does something, then you aren't as detached as you think you are. What is it about him that makes you angry? Is it because he's out on the street or something else? If you can come up w/the answers, then that might be a place to start on how to deal w/the anger. I know, anger is something we all experience, but you've got to find a way to release that anger because it can build up to the point of affecting your heart and blood pressure. Maybe some exercise could help? Walking is a good stress releaser just as a trip to the gym can help. Put that anger to good use...finish up projects that you've put off and if that doesn't work, look for a pillow and beat the stuffing out of it, but please do not allow that anger to take over your life.
Detaching takes time and you've been doing fairly well in the last few weeks. Take one day at a time and if he does something, just shake your head, count to 10 and do not engage. Consider the source and remember stupid is as stupid does and let it go. You can't control him or fix him. You only have control over yourself and you are the only one that can do something about your anger. There are ways to deal w/it, you just have to figure out the best way for you to release it (and not at him, your family or your co-workers).
I hope you get the issues at home repaired soon. They are a bone of contention and I think once they are repaired, life should settle down a bit for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
