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Thanks jelly! Maybe I'm at a crossroads and just trying to sort everything out?

Meanwhile, h agreed to drop the dog with me since I'm sick ( I normally pick him up on my way home from work on fridays), but he kind of made a big deal about it, like it was this huge inconvenience! I couldn't figure out why! I live 8 mins away, so it's less than a 20 min trek round trip. He told me he has a lot of stuff to do before he comes by and couldn't even give me an eta. I just was thinking to myself- ok- hmm I was going to get the dog around 530 and we were going to have a discussion and now he has all this stuff he has to get done before he drops the dog with me? Kind of silly. I can picture him dropping off the dog right before he goes out for the eve so I know hes going out ( pointless mind reading, but it's just a feel).

Yea Feyth I gree with JB.... I do not think you are all over the place either. I think you are doing great. Since our situations are sort of similar, I look to you for your strength. You seem to handle everything so well, always seem positive. Keep it up and feel better!

Thank you Pinn for your kind words. Actually made me tear up a bit because I've felt like garbage for so long and it means a lot to have one person to look to me for anything.

I'm kind of a perfectionist and it was really difficult to face the fact that I failed at marriage.... The one thing that was most important to me. Thiswhole journey has taught me humility like I've never known possible. I know, I know- it's not all my fault, but given the opportunity I would have done everything to make it "right"..... the key words here are "would have" because I really don't know if I want h back at all. i think I crossed the threshold to 15/85. I still don't know if it's detachment or completely letting go or completely giving up. Or if there's a difference.

Couldn't sleep last night and something popped into my head out of nowhere. When h told me he was ready to date other people several months ago,he said the reason why was because his Friend (a 23 year old male actor/bar back) was only so much fun. His exact words were- I can only spend so much time with (friend's name). It was an epiphany because it was a comment that I had just glossed over at the time, but it gave me a peek on H's continued quest for external happiness vs internal happiness. He was bored with his new guy friend, so he might find excitement with women? I should note that h never had close guy friends and even the very few that he did have, he was always finding reasons to drop them out of frustration, etc. This is Something he has struggled with the entire time I've known him- in all facets of life. He even had the nickname- Grumpy.
Hmm..... Not going to mull it over anymore... Just was interesting.

3 gratitudes for today:
Facebook to keep me connected with friends across the country
This forum
Great weather today! I'm still a little weak from being sick, but I took my dog for a long walk in the gorgeous sun. 66 degrees.

I had those same feelings Feyth, you have no idea. Those same exact feelings. I felt like a complete failure. I still do at times. I told the wife that when everything happened. It is even harder because I think there could have been something special there.

But I (we) have to stop thinking of it as a failure. As you said, it is not entirely our fault. We need to take it as an opportunity and learn as much as possible from it so that our next relationships, with or without or spouses, are special and fulfilling. Steve Jobs got fired as Apple CEO once ;-).

Stay bubbly!

Hi all-
I would like to opinions/ advice-

H and I were supposed to talk last week re: everything incl. the D

I was sick so we were going to reschedule. Yesterday, I asked if he just wanted to call me, but he said he was too busy. So today, I get an email that essentially says, " hey, clearly our schedules aren't alowing for us to chat in person or on the phone so I thought I would reach out this way. I believe it's time for you to move the rest of your things out of the house. I don't know if you want to move them to your apartment t or storage facility, but I would pay for the move and the storage space for the first year.......(blah blah logistics)..... It would be easier for you to hire movers and I am perfectly alright with paying for that. I mentioned before just let me know if there is anything else you want from the house. ...... Blahblah.... I think it's best that this should be done with out me. I am working one day almost every weekend for the next few weeks... Blah blah.

So, I'm thinking I don't want to divide anything up or remove my belongings without some legal agreement in place. We need to take some inventory of our assets- furniture, etc. b/c that comes into play as part of the divorce settlement. This then puts me in the position that I didn't want to be in. I didn't want to file. Am I making a big deal about it? I don't want it to come back and bite me later if I'm think him agreeing to pay for storage or allow me any of our belongings is a kind gesture. It's not.

What do you think? How should I respond?

No my lovely you are not making a big deal out of it.

Know your rights on this, what happens if you move your stuff, why is it so important.

Do you want to move back in? Might there be a time that you do?

I think good solid L advice needed on this before you misstep.

V

Hello V! Thanks so much for stopping by.

"Do you want to move back in?" Yes, I most certainly did and still believe I do. I loved my house. Its just never been an option.

Truth be told, my questioning stems from fear. I've always been afraid of crossing h out of fear that it would hinder reconciliation. Back when there were interactions between h and I (many many many months ago) I allowed him to step on me, but I thought it was ok as long as he was feeling like he was getting what he wanted. I wanted to be accomodating. That was way before DB! Oyy- stupid girl. Now, I'm still afraid if I broach the legal aspect of this... It will hinder reconciliation. The truth is, he hasn't given me a nugget of any interest in 7 months, and most importantly, my actions can't be based on what he will/ will not do. I have to protect myself here and that may mean having to file.

Feyth

I absolutely agree, go after what you want in life.

V

No editing

So if that is the house (not WH) go do it.

V

Blow him off. You need to detach. You'll get around to this stuff on your schedule. His schedule is of no importance to you. If it is then you're not detaching properly.