Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers dday, rebooted

Az, does your new lady friend have kids? It seems like you found yourself a good one there. Good for you!

Anc. Catnip for grown women, I like that. Yes I am glad I have boys. Little girls are cute, but I have no clue what to do with them. We wrestle and watch sports, play catch, fish and video games. It's like reliving my own childhood, but better. I hope that catnip works on my xw! I have a much stronger r with my kids now. So that is a huge upside of this sitch.

Today, when I pick up s5 for his bday dinner, will be the 6th day in a row that I have seen xw. This keeps her in my mind a lot more. Last week I went 5 days of not seeing her, and nearly nc, and I did tremendously better. Definately a pattern there.

Went to ball last night. S8 played great. He's a little stick figure and was fighting for rebounds with their center. Caught an elbow to the gut and had to sit out the end of the game. I ran over and sat with him on the bench. He's good, just was shaken up. I'm very proud of how scrappy he was playing. So unlike his normal character. S5 was rowdy as usual. His bestie was there and they are crazy together. S7 was all over me last night. Talked to me the whole time I took a shower. Was trying to cook up a plan to stay with me overnight, even though I have to work early. Sat with me at the game and told me that he missed me a dozen times. He told me that he thinks 'mommy' will come and help out when I start building. My poor kids may hold out as much hope as I have.

Will see XW again tonight. Charity game for a passed school teacher. Small towns are great like that. She died of breast cancer, so I am sure that is where the funds will be going.

Hope to talk about buying a little chunk of ground tonight. I know the owners will be there... they are my family.

I put a rubberband on my wrist. Going to try and use it for retraining my line of thought. Seeing her this much sets me back, and my hope becomes expectation.

Get the land, build it with your sons, have them design their there space. This house is a metaphor for your new lives, father and sons. Put their hands/feet in the cement. What a bond you'll share! They will remember this all there lives.

D - A rubberband is a great idea! I'm glad you're still aware you need to retrain that brain. (I'm a poet, and I know it!)

I feel so badly for your middle child. He's really hurting, isn't he? Is he a chatterbox all the time? I wonder if he says the same kinds of things to W? If so, I'd love to be able to hear her thoughts. Something is so weird about your situation. Is there any possibility that something bad happened to her when she was a child? Any dangerous people in her family?

I'm curious, and probably barking up the wrong tree - but I don't get it. She likes you! There are countless married couples out there who don't even have that (sad as it is...) She enjoys your company. You're a fabulous father. Your children adore you. I promise you, my H's relationship with our children back when he was H? It made me all kinds of warm and fuzzy. Seriously.

I have actually heard women say, with complete belief, that there was nothing wrong with their husbands. They were just never happy being married and preferred being single. I can understand that to a certain extent, but I feel strongly about being a parent. Once you bring a life into this world, it's all about the child, not yourself.

Went off topic a bit there, sorry. I just can't help but be confused by her. Either you are totally delusional...or there is something going on beneath the surface with her that desperately needs to be addressed. If there is something there, she really needs to get to the bottom of it. For her sons, if nothing else. Of course, I'm preaching to the choir.

I truly do not blame you for being confused. I guess that's why we're supposed to keep our eyes on us. Very little about a WAS makes any sense at all.

Anc, she really does like me. I really don't don't get don't get it. She is always trying to give me food (did it again last night), and asking how we can work out kid swaps differently, etc. A new dynamic is that now, she usually sits away from me in public. But if it's just us, she is over the top friendly and giving. I really don't understand...

If I make a post on FB, she will only click like if it of the boys. With any of her other FB friends, she will like everything. It's like she is trying to hide being nice to me. Confused is an understatement.

I don't believe that she had anything in her childhood that was traumatic. Her parents made it look like a fairytale for the most part. Real life is a shock to her, I think.

S7 is my loving, sensitive child of the 3. They all cuddle, but he is way more needy with them. He is definately the one that brings things up the most. S5 still talks to me like I can just come home, and it's me standing in the way. S8, he doesn't like to talk about it much.

When we first met at the lawyer, xw said "I don't want to be married". Still don't know why, but that is the phrase she used. I think she has me just where she wants me... plan b. I need to remove myself from that.

I definately picked up the rope. Someone (preschool teacher) reminded me of a rumor about my xw, and instantly my mood soured. I have seen her everyday for a week. Far too much for me. I have looked nice and wore cologne every time, and had good pma, played with kids every time. But, since we have been talking well, etc I have got my hopes up again. I HAVE to quit that. I need to let go. A couple weeks ago, I was doing well, and I got sucked back in.

I'm going to go nuts if I can't figure out how to detach.

Sorry, down day on my roller coaster.

Still spinning. I am stuck on trying to find a way to pull/draw my XW back. Yes, I know that it doesn't work that way. I have snapped this rubberband several times today. Many more to come, I am sure. I was already sucked in, and then I heard that one comment last night... Now it is trying to consume me. Today, I try to switch to house planning, and I just have no interest at all. Can't find anything to keep my mind off this. Work is slow, which allows for too much time to wallow.

I am now accepting 2x4s. I need some ideas. I have picked up the dang rope and wrapped it around my neck, I think.

yuck

"For now..."

Stop thinking about her, D. Drop the stupid rope. You know better. Tell that foolish, romantic heart of yours that until she comes to you, with tears in her eyes, and apologizes from the bottom of her heart, that there is no use getting your hopes up. She likes you. Heck! My H likes me. He still wants to D me - and your W still wants to "be friends".

It's the truth.

Need a bigger board, or did that one do it?

Are you doing this all the time or just when you may see XW?

Apply this to other behaviors. If youre doing something only when you see her, then its not useful as it's just a trick.