Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers LBH w/ a WXW after the D - now what

G, I think you are doing the best you can in that sitch. Keep it up, and yes stay out of God's way.

GS9,

Actions have consequences.

Have you been able to be humble enough to tell her you're sorry about the M? I need to keep being humble, and letting my W know I am sorry for my part in the relationship.

She wants to put the blame all on you. She doesn't realize that we're all broken. We can't be perfect. No marriage ever will be.

We can only accept what we did to make the situation, and apologize for our part. I kept on waiting for the apology from the WW, but it never came. It did come when I apologized for my part, and after showing through actions that I had changed, thus DB'ing.

I do think she's got a bit more to go, gs9. When is she out of the house? A week after she's out might be the start of the bottom.

I apologized for my continually for months and months prior to her A's. I then continued to apologize until I came across this forum and realized I was pursuing, being manipulated and not being a man only a fool would leave.

She closes on her new home on the 28th so probably 3 days or so after that.

Well.....When I got home last night it was like nothing ever happened. she's laughing, making small chat, wanting to tell me about her work day. Just generally nice.

I finished building a bar top and pallet wall last night. She sent a text this morning "the bar and wall look really cool"

I think she's trying to be better. It doesn't seem like she realizes that if she wants to reconcile she's going to need to start apologizing for things. A good start would be little things such as when I asked her if she thought it was ok to call me names. She didn't apologize she just turned it around on me.

We'll see what today brings.

and the craziness continues. I got home last night at about 9 pm. chatted with the boys then started playing w D4 in her room. WXW came in and started harassing me saying things like
"you don't have to pretend to like the boys."
"don't be out with your girlfriend and then come home in time to tell the kids goodnight"
"I'm sure your girlfriend has kids go be with that family and leave this one alone."
"D4 Daddy's been with his girlfriend all night and only came home to say goodnight to you"
"Great parenting"
" I wish you would have stayed at your girlfriends and didn't come home"

Through all of this I continued to tell her to leave me alone. I walked away several times and eventually told her she was jealous. SS14 kept saying "Mom, stop. Stop Mom" but she just kept on going. I eventually started asking SS14 to take his mom into his room. She eventually went to the boys room which is where she usually sleeps. D4 and I went to the MBR. D4 asked if I locked the door. I told her I did. She said "good because I don't want her coming in here"

Today has been more of the same but over text msg's. Including a msg that said "I'm seeing someone too. He's wonderful in everyway"
"When he bought his new house he asked me to pick out all the furniture"
Then she sent me a picture of someone she is claiming to be him.

She didn't get a rise out of me whatsoever. I knew anything I said she would just twist and attack me further so I sent a couple bible verses such as " In your anger, do not sin." "do not judge......" " Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses."

Here is what I believe is going on. She wants me back. She wants to live this fantasy where I'll pursue her, we'll date, we'll remarry and she'll never have to do any work to reconcile the relationship. Well, I'm not interested in that. This scenario puts me right back into an abusive relationship where she still hasn't been helped.

G
I'm sorry. You are right for not engaging her.

Maybe when she is calm you can let her know that it was disrespectful and not good for the children.

I am not sure if you reassure her of what you are doing it not. I also not sure if you let her know your needs if there will ever be another you and her.

yeah....no idea what to do so i'll do nothing. God is working.

She just got home and said. " I'm sorry for blowing up last night. I know it's kind of an excuse but I started my period today. Anyway, I don't like that I acted that way. I'm sorry. I apologized to the kids too. I hope you're happy and if you are I'm happy for you. I'm happy too. I'm going to be a great ex wife. We don't have anything to fight about and I'm looking forward to not fighting in the future."
I said "Thank you" she left

WOW.

She is verbally abusive. She doesn't know it, from the looks of it.

Blaming it on her period is a lame excuse.

It sounds like she's in free fall, but has a way to go before she hits.

I sure wish there was a way for her to understand what her words and actions have done. It sounds like the kids are understanding that mom has unresolved issues.

Just WOW.

Yeah...long way to go.

She went to dinner last night. Came home about 9 and left a big bouquet of roses on the kitchen island.

She could have easily taken these to her room. I know she left them out for me to see this morning. I have to believe she's still trying to make me jealous. She'll get no reaction from me.

Help! WTF
What does this mean?

WXW just sent this message " Will you be spending the night here?" (yes she is still in my house)
I said "why? probably"
She said " I'm not comfortable staying in the same place at night with you anymore. Any night you'll be staying please let me know"

WTF! This is my house. I do not need to give her my agenda. I feel like she is bullying me again....letting her know when I'll be home and when I won't.