Anc, I have made myself stop and thought about house plans, truck restoration etc. It does help. Thanks for that. It's definately not second nature yet, but it is nice when I can do it.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I believe that xw has sensed me pulling away. She is more friendly and talkative. She has given me food the last 3 weeks at kid swap. She is explaining things to me that don't involve me, like she doesn't want me to get upset? Has started noticing things about me again, or at least vocalizing it.
I was doing better earlier in the week about detachment. But because of all the above, it sucked me back in. Started rebuilding hope? Plus the boys telling me about their hopes makes me want to try something to fix this. The kids tell her nothing, and if they do... she tells me that I put then up to it. I still know that xw has to be the one to reach out and want to r. Time to back up and let go again.
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I had a couple friends wanting to set me up with someone. I finally agreed. I figured it could be fun to meet someone. Would be great for pma and self esteem. Give me something positive to think about.
When the lady found out I have 3 kids, she was scared off. I know that will be an issue. So, I faced my first post-divorce rejection. Oh well. Probably wasn't the right time, since I have been sucked back in to xw again.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Yes, D. Don't you do it!!! (Waving my finger at you...pointer finger)
She may be feeling the separation, but until she comes to you asking to work on the R, you have to remain solidly detached. You're still so shaky there, I worry about you.
You didn't break her. You can't fix her. You can only work on you. Detach, lovingly. Leave her to herself to figure out what she needs. She won't respond well to any help from you.
dday, you need a mental vacation from the emotional meat grinder you have just be through. Give her a break. Appear like your having the time of your life to her and anyone who would report back to her. She needs to emotionally sober up and feel regret.
If was like this when you met her, she'd be history. For the moment you are done with her, not the boys, but her. Later in life you will be committed to someone again, her or someone else, but not now.
Build the truck, cool but not a real investment. Build that house, that's an investment. Finish it and live in it or flip it and live with ex if she wakes up. Use this time and energy, focus on creating. Take it from me, wallowing in self pity $ucks. Be the future you want.
Thanks mu. I am getting ready to head to a ball tourney. Will see xw the next 2 days.
Truck... have to wait until I get a place to do it.
House... I am going to go and talk about buying land in the next couple days. I'm going to try and work out a trade with a 'marital asset' that I got in the D. It should cover 2 acres and all the dirtwork, I think. Maybe even the septic. It's in the country, so it will require a well being drilled and a septic system. But, I have access to tons of heavy equipment and I own a huge pile of tools. My dad and grandpa were both carpenters, so I inherited a ton of experience and some tools.
Yes, I definately need a mental break!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
You all may not believe it, but I did not win powerball. Xw sat by me at ball for a bit. Then she got up and moved with all the other moms. We talked a bit, mostly I talked to S8 as he was waiting on his games to start. After I left, she sent me a text to drive safely, they were forecasting winter weather. Everyone else was staying at a casino and I was the only one driving home. (Xw parents bought her a room.)
I made it nearly through both games before I looked her way. That's kind of a milestone.
Anyone that's been through this, am I handling myself correctly? Is this the foundation for a possible r or am I hindering things? I know it's up to her to get herself ready, but I don't want to shoot myself in the foot.
Detach, be friendly, no pursuit. What else?
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Be confident, happy and self assured. Let her see you on the top of your game. In control and on a mission. It will slowly eat at her to see you this way. Get in shape so her girlfriends say to her your looking good, be footloose and fancy-free.
D - you are handling yourself correctly. It's hard - but I know you're doing the right thing. You want to draw her to you with the light you put out from within. You don't have to "do" anything. Just be who you are, happy and content.
