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A month ago, I would be so worked up to see her. Of I was going to pick up the boys, I would have like the butterflies in the stomach feeling. Now, I look forward to the boys and she is just something I have to deal with... neither good nor bad.

So, here and now... I do still love her. I would love to have a happy and healthy M, and put my family back together. Unfortunately, I do wonder what she's doing sometimes. I do not base my decisions on her anymore. I am trying to do more things that interest me when I don't have the boys. I can deal with a text, and move on. Not worry about it all day.

So I think that I gave reached a more comfortable level of detachment. Is it enough? Probably not. If I saw her with someone else, I would probably be destroyed again. That is for another day though... If it all worked out perfectly, it would be never. But chances aren't great there.

Dday,

Celebrate your progress in detaching. I decided to really feel good about my baby steps in the last couple days, and it helped. Everyone struggles.

I still love my W. But she's on a different path than me now. I know I won't be able to drop the rope for a while, but I have finally put slack in the rope, and have some freedom. And the kids will see a dad happy and healthy, and not hanging on for dear life.

Ancaire, have you explained to S it was just a moment of anger at what's happening and had nothing to do with him or his siblings. I know you said you tried to repair it and I can see where they would take that personally. Being honest with them about what happened can't hurt and making sure they underatand it has nothing to do with him and you were just venting but you see how it could make them hurt.

Dday, I've had all the same dreams. In the hospital about to go through delivery with W, ML, fooling around, painful ones where she was talking/holding hands with other men. I've even had one where I was having an A and still living with W and she was the LBS. Walking around the house holding hands with an OW and W acting as if. This was during the time I was trying to empathize with W and how she got sucked into OM. Dream can help us with our waking lives more than we realize.

They do have many different meanings and even if W is in one, it doesn't necessarily mean its about her or you aren't detached. Many times the people we see in the dreams are less important than what's happening in them. It could be a longing for the intimacy and family that you're not getting from your awake life, something we all have.

The last couple months I've had a recurring theme in mine where I'm running away from someone or stabbing people that are attaching me. Looking up those meanings show I'm fearful of being betrayed and there's some issue I'm avoiding while awake.

The mind has a tendency to show us through dreams aspects of our waking lives that might need to be looked into. Sometimes anyway, other times the dream is just a random dream. I have had many in the past that, through analyzing them have helped me in one way or another dealing with my life.

Another point to make it we usually have multiple dream every night but rarely remember any. The ones with W may have been there before but you remember more so now because of the pain and your sitch.

Thank you all. I'm glad to see that I am not so unique in my crazy.

W texted earlier about kid swap. Plan was for me to take them to Sunday school, 45 minutes away, and then my time is over. W asked if I wanted to bring them back to her. I declined, because I have tentative plans, and that would interfere. Plus, it would save her 80 miles, and an hour and a half drive. Plus, I don't have to interact with her at all tomorrow this way. I didn't tell her any of this however, I just said that you can get them from church.

I'm sure that threw her off, because until now, I would never turn down a chance to see her. I also normally find a way to accommodate her, even if it were an inconvenience.

Baby steps. Next one is pma while talking to her. I have been able to have fun when I'm at work (yes, for real) and with the kids and friends and ball practice. Just when I see her, I can now do the short conversation and needing to leave. My pma is never that great. That's next on my list.

Just got the mail. Finalized d papers were in it. Yuck

I am sorry dday. Better days are coming. Be patient and kind, good things will come your way.

I won't do it. I will try and be bigger than this.

I really want to text W "it's now official. You have broken our family. Congrats. I hope it's everything you dreamed it would be."

Yet another dose of this new reality. I'm glad I don't have to see her tomorrow. It's actually been one of the longest stretches I have went without seeing her. We have ball Monday night. So I will see her soon enough.

A lot of broken promises and broken dreams and kids with 2 homes now. Sorry, bummed moment. I will get through this too.

No good will come from that text. Don't do it. Be the better man, display cool confidence, smile, make her see the man she used to love. If you act like that and not a bitter angry man, she may regret what shes done. Not that you should run back, let her do the running. Don't be a bitter man.

I won't do it mu. I REALLY need to just walk away. As Sandi said on somebody's thread. Dump her back. Let her see and feel me walking away. May not bring her back, but letting go will help me either way.

I think that I am doing ok, honestly. Haven't cried. Functioning better than I have in months. Don't like this, and I don't think I will ever be glad it happened, but I accept that this is where I am.

The hardest thing for me now is that I honestly think we'll end up together again. I need to let that go. May be a pipe dream. But throughout this whole thing, since bd, I have thought we would work it out as soon as she us ready.

How do I get rid of that line of thought? Please share ideas, because that is the rope anchoring me to her.

Sorry dday. When I first read your post I thought it was the final draft and not the legal final. Take some time to just enjoy your kids and the life you have. Emotions are likely going to creep up and hit you hard, theres nothing wrong with that. It will take time to fully grieve and move on. Maybe years, but you will be ok.



That could just be a normal thought we all share. I know I feel the same. The answer might be just time. Enjoy your life and be happy for what you do have. GAL, take your mind off of it, find things to really live for.

Sorry, wish I had something better but I'm not past that point either.