My H has dual citizenship as does our D and the plan is I will become American before I leave as well.
You're right now that I think about it, he has asked me a few times when he is allowed to travel with her. I didn't sign up for this [censored]. I never wanted to be without my child. And I sure as heck don't want to be so far away that it will take me an airplane trip to get to her.
He IS the one pressing for us to go overseas, but he has asked me a few times when I think she will be old enough that he can take her away. Not sure what away means.
Yikes.
Thanks again for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it.
I don't have time to add much more tonight but in all likelihood his intentions are innocent now. It is the future you have to be concerned about
I am.actually concerned that he will.visit far less than then he says.
Have you read about divorce on your state? Simply search your state and divorce. Have you run the child support formula? Spoussl support norms for your state?
He just started a business over there, so he will need to visit often. He wants to put more of his focus on that business than his American one.
I consulted with a lawyer shortly before the holidays, so I know that I'm entitled to 17% of his income in child support. He couldn't however tell me about spousal, as those rules have just changed etc.
My H is so eager to get this over with that I don't think he will fight me too much on money. He's such an emotional mess. He just wants to break free from me and start over.
Are you confident that he is being honest about income? Does he report income from his overseas business?
Without meaning to upset you, how will the other (or another) woman view him being gone 25+ percent of the time?
I would be careful not to show your hand in this first conversation. Just listen to what he has to say. If you are at all uncomfortable, it is time to hire an attorney.
As to custody, I would want final decision making given the distance you will be living. Before you meet with him, look up your state's custody definitions and make sure you understand the terminology and how things work.
Is your state one that requires a year cooling off period (sometimes called a waiting period) for a divorce with children? If so, you absolutely should not leave the US without it being finalized, in my opinion.
No income from overseas yet. Yes, I think he is being honest.
Other woman lives in a different state than the one we currently reside in. She has school aged kids and a house and I doubt her stbx would let her leave even if she wanted to. That's why I don't see a long term future for the two of them, but that's not my circus.
I don't mind sharing physical custody as long as she lives me full-time (is that an oxymoron?) but I do want legal custody or to be the tiebreaker in case we share.
I'm not sure about the cooling off period. Why should I not leave the states before the divorce is finalized?
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, means the world to me.
I would be worried that he might change something. You won't be there to represent yourself and you won't be represented by an attorney (again, I think this is a bad idea.)
In the US, absence in court generally gives all the power to the party that shows up. So, you show up in court to contest a ticket, if the officer doesn't show up to testify, you generally win.
Please, please understand that this isn't a simple transaction in most states, esp if children are involved.
Do NOT take legal advice from your EX. He doesn't have your best interests at heart at all. He has been spending money (right and left it seems) on this OW. You should spend on an attorney.
Meet with the mediator, be prepared to ask all your questions. Make a list and don't agree to anything that doesn't make sense. Don't sign anything that day -- again, I think you should have an attorney review any documentation.
please, please read up on how divorce works in your state, beyond child support. You really need to understand it before you even talk to your STBX. You will likely have to have a visitation plan. You will need to get it in writing and notorized that your STBX allows you to move overseas with your child. Better yet, it likely should be in your decree. You don't want him filing in court claiming you have abducted the child. You also want language in the decree that allows you to relocate where ever you want (since he is dismissing you to Europe). This means if you come back to the states, you can go where ever you want, or if you want to move to City B in Europe in two years you can. Don't allow him to insert any geographic restrictions in the decree for you.
do you know if in your state the percentage of custodial nights impacts child support?
I assume we will need several meetings with the mediator before we are done. I have no intentions of signing anything without reviewing it with someone else, possibly a lawyer. We have no intentions of going to court. IF he doesn't play ball I believe I can claim a stake in his company. However, going after everything also means being liable for half of the debt - no thanks.
The lawyer I already spoke to said that as the anchor person, I can't move around freely without his permission. He, however, can move to OWs state.
My best weapon is that I have a very good relationship with his parents, especially his mom ;-) hehe
Thanks again for all your comments. It's very helpful to consider all possible perspectives and you bring up many points I wouldn't necessarily have thought of.
Did the attorney realize you would be relocating to Europe? I think this changes a lot of things.
You don't want to be in a position that you have to get his permission to move about. And in many states, the geographic restriction clause is applied to both parents. You don't want him to be able to live whereever he wants, and you not be able to move down the road because he visits a few days a month. You absolutely don't want to be stuck.
This isn't like a typical divorce. At all. In terms of geographic stuff.
Remember this is a negotiation, esp since you don't want to end up in court. You have to use the leverage you have to get what you ultimately want.
Start by making a list of priorities. Then go back and rank them. And then identify your non-negotiables. Don't share this with him yet. Just have it for your reference.
One more thing re-geographic restrictions. Even if the norm in your state is to require the restriction only be applied to the custodial parent, you can easily come up with language (by searching the internet) that applies to to both parents.
Ultimately, parents are almost always the most loyal to the children that are their blood. So your relationship with his mom is not enough to guarantee his good behavior. Sad, but true.
He, the lawyer, knew it was an option, but at the time I was against moving to Europe.
I'm not really sure what my leverage is. I would never use the kid against him, I have no money. I feel like he's holding most of the cards. The job I'm going to do is very dependent on him. We had a good talk about it on Christmas day. It's in his best interest that it happens, so I have no doubt he will be helpful in the matter.
I like your suggestion of making a list. I will do that. That will help me see where I am willing to negotiate and where I want to stand my ground. Thank you for that.
I know what you mean regarding blood relatives and I was just being facetious, but fact is his family's relationship with our kid is largely through me and will continue to be so when we move back. They would gain nothing from alienating me.
