Ghost, for starters I'm not here to swing another 2x4. I'm here to say. Take these people who commented above seriously! You have some of the best people on your sitch and they seem to be getting a bit frustrated. I've been there buddy. I was the same spiraling, babbling LBH as you are. It gets easier, when you start taking action instead of spinning. Make time to GAL. Make time to do what ghost wants. You won't see any instant results from it but GAL saved me and that is why they push that so hard on here. I understand that now even though I was skeptical at first. I used to think that by doing things without XF she would get mad. I didn't want to make memories with out her by my side. The day I left go of that fear and just started living, is the day I started to feel like the real uphill again.
Again, it's not going to happen by going to one dance class. One ic session. Book that schedule as full as possible and then book something else! It doesn't have to be anything spectacular or fancy. My #1 GAL was being an awesome dad. When I am with S4, that is all that matters. If we are at home, constantly teaching him something, playing games, watching tv... Anything to spend time with him. If we go out, movies, bowling, amusement parks, children's museums, the zoo. The possibilities are endless! I never realized him many things there are to do with kids until I did some actual research, now I have a "bucket list" of places to take him.
When you have free time, that is when you do you. If you want dinner and some drinks, do it. Want to see an old friend who you lost touch with? Pick that phone up! Get in shape? What are you waiting for? This isn't for everybody, but my home is in the best shape it has every been right now. Work is a stress release for me. When I was down, I would get the tools out and do a project I've been pushing off. Just do something to keep your mind busy and stop spinning! Ive mowed my neighbors grass just to fill a boring afternoon. Here again, the possibilities are endless, you just have to WANT to get your mind in a better place buddy!
I wish you the best ghost, everybody here does or they wouldn't still be here trying to 2x4 you into understanding! I know you can do this, it's just a matter of how bad you want to save yourself!
Peace, Uphill
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Okay, let me try to start over. For your sake, you need to learn how to categorize your life, until you can get a handle on things. As of now, you can't stick to one subject or one issue and everything start spinning in your mind. Imagine a twister and you standing in the eye of the twister. Spinning around you are your W, with all the issues in your M....your children and problems related to them.......your fears of the future, your job, etc. Don't you feel as though you will get sucked up through the twister of issues and cast asunder?
I am suggesting that you take these and put them in imaginary separate boxes. Allow yourself so many minutes per day to examine each box. It takes self discipline to do what I am asking you to do.
For example, do not allow yourself to look through any other boxes while you are working at your job. (Again, this is just an example). Your job has its individual box and requires xx amount of your attention per day. After work each day, you will place your box, labeled "job", and close it up until the next working hours. That leaves x amount left in each day to spread yourself around and deal with these other boxes. You will get one box at a time and allow yourself so many minutes to look inside that box.......ramble through the same old junk it holds, but when your alloted time is up, you close that box and put it away till the next day. Before bedtime, you should allow yourself to have all the boxes put away for the night, and just get sleep and rest.
Instead of allowing all these boxes to haunt you all at once and throughout the day.......give yourself a set time to look at each one and then put it away and give yourself a break.
Just try it until you can see your IC.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have been given an amazing amount of help and support over the many threads that I have posted especially the last few posts just shows how much people care
Now it is up to me to actually do something about this
This morning at the gym I am looking to loose 42 lbs I should be able to do ths
Maximus thank you for your lengthy posts I really feel that you and Sandi along with everyone else are slowly starting to get through to me
I have to change me ...for me I have to love myself and control what I can control
Ghost Love you all
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
