Please, please meet with an attorney and protect your child and yourself. I suspect he knows that he can take advantage of you and will use this to his advantage. Don't let your emotional attachment leave you more vulnerable than you already are.
He can't just walk away from you and your child financially. You can file for temporary support and a temporary restraining order that would keep either of you from making large purchases (I read about his shoes.)
If you go to Europe, you realize that you likely won't be able to enforce any kind of child support.
When people cheat, it is safe to presume they are being dishonest about lots of things, including finances.
Please don't let him bully you into making the choices that he demands. Do your own research, know your rights, and don't take legal advice from the other side (that is what he has become.)
Gmum, I am so sorry you're so glum. I read every word you wrote about what H said to you. Do you realize how similar it is to the script each and every one of us gets? I suspect you want to blame it all on yourself because H does, but please don't go down that route! Look at all the progress you've made. Don't go back to square one.
Maybe he does need out for now. Maybe he feels he has to see where the R with OW leads - I just know I've heard it over and over again on these boards. It's script. He's justifying his bad decision by putting the blame on you. While you had a hand in the M, you alone are not responsible for the breakdown. That is solely H's decision. He's leaving his wife and D for OW! How is that your fault?
It's not. Come on, cheer up, and focus on what you need to do to take care of yourself. Become a strong confident woman he will think twice about leaving. You can do this!
In case I don't get back later, I want to be sure and wish you a Merry Christmas!
Please Gmum, listen to Cherry, she is right. Even if we all have our part in the break down of our marriage as my IC said it takes two to make it work. Like you my H is gone and lives with OW. For a long time I blamed myself but I realised that even if I wasn't fully happy I DIDN'T CHOSE to cheat he did. It's only 9 months down the line that I didn't push him to have an A.
I know it's really hard but I just read and interesting post from Zeus on Inpain blog. Basically BD is changing ourselves as if it's over, H gone and finalising D. It really spoke to me today and my H text message regarding Xmas Day tomorrow didn't affect me as much as i thought.
It's hard but put yourself first. I have ups and down but overall I'm feeling happier. Please hang in there :-)
Thank you SO much to everyone who has responded, you guys are my lifeline right now. It's much more appreciated and helpful than I could ever put into words.
I'm sorry I haven't had time to respond, still don't, H will be back soon. Was just out with D running a few last sec errands, checked the account and the one he doesn't realize I can see, and I could tell that he made a payment at the court house. That means he did file for divorce like he said and he did it with our D. So classy.
Merry Christmas to all of you. I think H moves out again tomorrow, that'll give me time to respond and hit other pals threads.
Ps: Don't watch Ted 2 with your WH/WW. Aaaawwwkward!!! Lotta divorce talk.
Hmm... Ended up having a nice night. D had a blast opening presents. Pretty much everything was for her. Only thing for me was an envelope from ex mil with $100, that H was supposed to have given me before Christmas, so I could buy myself something. There were two presents for H. One was a small thing, the other a cashmere sweater. He seemed embarrassed there was nothing for me. Kept saying he couldn't remember where I usually get facials etc (as if that's something I do on a regular basis or something) But he liked the sweater.
Today we went out and did somewhat touristy things with D. On our way there he asked me if it was ok if he was gone the next few days. Sure enough I checked and I could see a large charge for plane tickets to the hub btw here and OWs state. Took a screen shot. Now I'm just waiting for the charges to the fancy hotel. Not that it really matters but at least I know .... I guess
He kept on talking about the sales and do I want or need something, new shoes anything?!? Somebody feeling guilty haha.
Later we went to a restaurant and had drinks and like the amazing parents we seem to be, handed D the iPad.
I started talking about the future and things that need to happen and it was actually really nice. I think we can actually agree on stuff. I feel oddly relieved. And very very sad. If you love something, let it go, right? There's nothing I can do to lessen his interest in OW. He's in love. It breaks my heart, but I can only focus on myself and D.
Him leaving me forced me to reevaluate many things in my life and about myself and I can honestly say that I like the person I am today a lot better. And I'm not even close to being done transforming. I'm much nicer, less judgemental and more forgiving of myself and others. Without him leaving, I would still be a sad, scared little mouse. That doesn't mean that I'm ok or even close to being ok. It just means that I know I will be. One day.
I also had a margarita with H and several glasses of wine before he left, so I'll reserve the right to retract the above PMA as I please.
PMA gone. He texted earlier to come get D so they could run quick errand. Maybe afterwards we can all have lunch, he said. Afterwards he'll jump on a plane to see OW. Oh, he also brought the D papers and mentioned the mediator we're using can see us early Jan.
Gmum- I'm sorry. I've been flattened like that before, and it's never any fun. One minute you're halfway getting along, then BOOM! "I need you to sign this for the divorce." "Why are you mad?" "What did I do?"
Gee. You're forcing a D on me I don't want, you allowed me the tiniest glimmer of thinking we could be friendly, and now that you've "warmed me up" it's a good time to talk about D.
Idiot.
I don't know why they do that. Maybe they're afraid if they get us in a bad mood, we'll be worse - so they try and charm us first? I know when I go from happy to mad, suddenly? It would have been much better to ask when I was already grumpy. LOL
I'm here Gmum - thinking of you and rooting for you.
