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OK, I'm feeling better about this now. The inner dialog going on in my head as I was talking was hilarious and a little sad at the same time. Verbal diarrhea hit big time

I wish you could my chuckle at my corner of the earth, even as I am trying to convince myself it's bedtime but finding all these conversations too entertaining to resist.

Sorry to keep you up Grl (imagine Barry White on that one), but we all need a good laugh now and then.

Hey, wait a minute! I just realized I'm rediscovering my sense humor! Woo-hoo! I didn't really notice it was gone until just now.

Thank you!

SciDad, my sense of humor is coming back to but I think its a little hyper active, I'm a little nutty these days. But I do think its a good sign!

Humor is good. So is nutty. And Every sign is a good sign

Not sure why but W was paying me all sorts of attention last night. Helped set the table for dinner, kept complimenting me. I'm not sure, but it might have something to do with my attempted show of detachment (fake it till you make it, right?).

She ordered a lot of new clothes online and as she was showing them to me (putting them on and twirling) it was clear she wanted me to say how hot she looked in them. I didn't give her the satisfaction and only said that she looked nice. To add the the effect I had been practicing my guitar and kept working on scales as she was talking to me. I unconsciously stopped when she was talking about the kids or how her day went. I think the funniest part is that I didn't even realize I was doing it until afterwards. Oops.

My only explanation is that 1) I've been working on my listening skills, and 2) I'm not a total a$$. I also like the inadvertent dichotomy my actions created when she started fishing for compliments (which is when I strummed away).

After dinner she made a point of watching a movie with me and we watched a show together in bed. So I guess I got the quality time I was seeking. Which is also where I'm confused - when I mention something like "I'd really like X", she actually listens and does it. I still haven't figured out if it's because she cares or if she simply wants me to stay happy while she does whatever it is she's doing. Oh, and I also noticed that she planned her schedule so there is no time at all to physically see the OM during the week. The contrarian in me says it could be a smokescreen and the real activites are planned at other times, but it's still something I noticed. Oh, and her year-long standing lunch with the OM (excuse me while I barf in my mouth a little) has been canceled for over a month. Now. Nothing was said to me, but she's either been skipping lunch or eating with someone else on those days. I will say that I don't have any hard intel on this - I'm limited to what she tells me at the end of the day (every day she tells me what she did for lunch as part of the normal conversation) and how much she eats for dinner (she can't eat much if she had a decent lunch).

I'm not perfect, though, and apparently my subconscious took a few steps backwards because when I woke up this morning I was spooning my wife and grabbing her boob. I was disappointed with myself since I'd managed to not do that for almost 2 weeks. But I still enjoyed it enough to spend about 15 minutes like that before rolled out of bed. What can I say - I'm not a saint and did I mention it's been almost 2 years since I've had sex?

Anyway My W is out running errands now and so far I'm haven't gotten caught in my usual paranoia of where she is. After all, I've got the kids to play with and my personal growth to attend to. In a lot of ways it's nice to have her leave every now and then

SciDad, I hope your dynamic is changing! Sounds promising, but try not to have any expectations. Don't read into the lunch thing either- you really never know. It does feel so much better when you detach, keep it up.

Good move with the guitar! Are you getting good? I am looking forward to playing mine, waiting until Christmas to "open" it in front of the kids.

Haha...used to happen to me too. Would wake up like that, and immediately move back to my side of the bed.

I play guitar too btw...been playing (off and on) for 30 years.

Hi Fo, sorry I missed the party last night. Although as you can see from my post it wasn't really a bad thing....

My main reason for posting my observations was so I gave a record later. I try my best to have no expectations. Might mean something, might not. I'll only really know months from now. Oddly, I'm OK with that. I'd like to say that means I've found patience, but that doesn't seem right. It's something good though I think.

As for guitar, I still blow. I'm better than I was, but I can't switch between chords very well. I'm working on my finger strength and calluses right now, which is why I was doing my minor and major pentatonic scales last night.

But like life, I am improving and having more fun. That's all I need. Oh, and my youngest son joined in with his guitar for a bit. And then my wife tried playing his guitar-first time in years she showed any interest (although I guess she had taken some lesions when she was very little). Making a mental note that if she keeps being interested I might buy her a guitar and we can all play together. Don't worry though-that's only gonna happen if we get through this rough patch, so maybe 2 years from now.

Yeah, I ummm... enjoy the moment a bit before I roll away. I'm not proud of it, but I figure if I'm already there I might as well enjoy up the moment. Unless I'm enjoying it to much or can't resist exploring. In those cases I move back to my side right away