Hi Gmum - just checking in on you. I'm pretty glum, too, if that helps at all. I never wanted any of this. I'm still in shock it's happening at all.
That said, though, I'm getting to a point where I realize what I want in life. An H who doesn't put me first? Not something I want. I was used to it, could probably have gone on forever that way, but I wasn't fulfilled or happy.
Now? I have a choice. I can be as selfish as H, and just focus on me. What do I want? What do I want to accomplish? Where did the girl he married disappear to during the M?
I'm working on the answer to those questions - and learning a lot about myself in the process. I don't like the situation, but in a lot of ways - it's making me better. It's bringing the real me back to the surface. I'm making decisions about what I will and will not be willing to put up with in the future. These are all positives...and I wouldn't even have thought about them at all if it weren't for H and his upsetting the apple cart that was our M.
I'm not to the point of thanking him. But I am to the point of being able to look ahead and seeing some good things for me coming out of it.
What do you see? What are you going to make it a priority to gain from this? Who are you, Gmum? What are you going to be?
2016 is almost here! We've got lots to look forward to. H can catch up or forever regret his decision - but we? We will be just fine.
I am trying to look ahead. Starting to look forward to moving far away. I'll be closer to one of my best friends. I'll hopefully eventually buy a place and not just throw money out the window on rent every month. The last one especially makes me feel good. Owning something as an investment.
I also like myself better. I don't have many outwardly changes yet, but I am becoming a nicer, less judgemental and much more compassionate. And I know not to let a relationship this far off track again.
But I'm also worried about being lonely. When my parents split up my mom had one longterm relationship with the wrong guy. Then she was alone and very lonely for a long time until in her mid-fifties when she met her soulmate. I'm still young enough that I could have another kid, but I would have to act soon. So that's prob not in the cards. It's killing me that D won't have siblings. I can't imagine life without my own, having someone who understands all your references, knows exactly where you're coming from etc. I know being siblings don't necessarily mean you'll be close. My H and his sibling aren't. They get along fine but don't really speak outside family gatherings. Maybe that's why he went from wanting 3-4 kids to "well, at least we had one".
Tomorrow is my Bday. I don't usually care about getting older, in fact I find the confidence and wisdom that age brings soothing, but in light of the above its making me sad. Getting older and looking older, especially as someone who has been pregnant, given birth and nursed, isn't exactly giving me the confidence I need to go meet someone. Arghh! Wish I could to bed and sleep for a year.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I hope so. And I hope I meet him sooner rather than later.
I sincerely hope you do, too.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Aw Gmum, I know just what you mean about getting older now that we find ourselves in this unwanted situation. I too wonder if I will now be single for the rest of my life.
What are you doing for your birthday? Do you have plans of any kind?
Gmum, have you given up hope for a reconciliation?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Don't fret about the future just now Gmum, there's still LOTS of time in both your sitch and your life.
If you DB properly, no matter what happens in your sitch, you're going to make yourself into a confident, powerful woman. That is sexy as hell. Right now isn't the time to worry about potential future suitors. There are men on this very board who are probably handsome devils who are concerned about their own physical insecurities and are hoping to meet a woman that has the DB understanding.
You simply never know what life is going to bring you, so worrying about it at this point in your sitch is just a wast of energy.
Happy Birthday btw.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Like you I'm worried that I'll be single for the rest of my life, so I joined a dating agency. Met someone I think I like but my guts feelings told me this wasn't right! Now I have realised that I have to feel confident, love myself and then the right person will come my way. I waited 3 years between my last BF and meeting my H.
I still hope to R, unfortunately as each day goes by I can see my window of hope slowly closing!
You are a great person, only at the moment don't think about the future because it's not here yet. Think about living in the present, enjoy what you have done today, now, and do the same tomorrow.
It makes no sense to worry about it now. I guess it's just hard not to knowing he's off having the time of his life with someone he is deeply in love with. I'm so jealous. I want that too.
I think he will feel so relieved when D and I leave the country this summer. But I can't help wonder if he will feel odd living with all our stuff, everything that we bought together. But maybe men wouldn't think any of that.
