Think of her ring removal as an exercise in futility. It's an unconscious 'freeing' of herself, it's a statement she's making to herself about breaking free of the oppressive bond she felt she had with you. Women are very symbolic...removing her wedding ring can mean any number of things to her today...that will have completely different meanings tomorrow....we can't help it, we're just wired that way.
Leave your ring on as a demonstration of YOUR continued commitment to your marriage...and let her work through her issues, in her own way....
Some of what she'll say and do is absolute craziness, but it's just part of her attempt to discover WHO she is now that she feels a desperate need to be independent...at least for now.
As for her calling to tell you her plans tonight, that's common courtesty, she should have done so, just as you were thoughtful enough to let her know that you'd be working late. It's mutual respect, and that's a beautiful thing. T2
Thank you so much for the advice, Trying. I will keep mine on. This is the hardest thing I've ever been through and it's all I can do to keep my wits about me while at work so that I don't get distracted and accidently blow something up. I truly do love my wife very much and it kills me to think of the hurt and pain I've put her through. Men are truly emotional morons. Most men anyway. I am very glad that I found this BB and I will continue to visit here no matter what. Thanks again.
"Anyone who is among the living, has hope." (Eccl 9:4)
I agree with T2, my H was living with OW for 9 months and I kept my ring on the whole time.
H has never worn a wedding ring, he works construction, and this is something I want to get him down the road. I should say I did get him a band when we were married, it didn't fit right and he wanted something a little fancier and I never got around to getting it replaced.
Thanks for the compliment, left. Of course if I was a great guy, my wife wouldn't want to divorce me. I am however learning to become a great guy and a real man. I believe that whom ever I end up with will be getting a great deal, of course I hope that person is my wife.
"Anyone who is among the living, has hope." (Eccl 9:4)
I just sent her a text message via cell phone that simply said "Hi". Should I not do things like that? It's just that I do not want her to think that I've completley lost interest or givin up hope that we could reconcile, and besides, I missed her last night when I was alone in that big ol house.
"Anyone who is among the living, has hope." (Eccl 9:4)
I am praying my H will see the light. Actually, I was a WAW (emotionally shut down) before H left me! I had had it with his verbal abuse, his temper, his selfishness. But the "bomb" was a wake up call to ME, to my issues. I have come so far in the last year, and even farther once I turned to God.
I'm keeping my eye on you ...I think my H knows how he is, but isn't quite sure how to make the changes....thus I keep praying for him.
Left, the best thing I ever did was accept Jesus into my heart and through him, thanking God. The second best thing I did was to admit I HAD a problem and to get help for it. My wife and I had a tremendous fight one night about a month ago and of course I had been drinking (which I have since quit) and I got verbal and physical with her. The vision of seeing my wife scramble in fear out of the drivers side of her expedition and running up the road to a friends house will haunt me for ever. I then had a five mile walk to my house at night in the freezing cold and we live 20 miles out of town, and I was bawling my head off and asking myself what had I done. I knew then and there I needed help and quite honestly I also knew that my wife had had it. Although I am not happy about the circumstances that made me get help, in a way I am glad that it happened because if not then she and I would still be miserable and I would not have gotten the help I needed and I honestly believe I would have eventually commited suicide because I had been having those thoughts. A person has to want to get help, you can't make them.
"Anyone who is among the living, has hope." (Eccl 9:4)
Men are less apt to admit openly to being depressed (which you are!) because they have not been socialized to talk out their fears, dreams etc with someone else (like women always do...we tell each other everything and that's how we support each other through life's crisises.)
I would suggest that you go see you personal physician and tell him what's going on in your life and that you'd like to try a low dosage (50 or 100mg) of Zoloft. You will be absolutely amazed at how that medication will smooth out the extremes of your emotions. You'll have a much better grasp on things while you muddle through this difficult time in your life.
It's perfectly acceptable to admit you need some help and to get it!
I think you will do just fine in the long run...you are way ahead of game already having 'owned' your share of the responsibility in the breakdown of your M.
T2, I was thinking that, and my therapist actually said that maybe I need an anti-anxiety drug like Xanax, of course he cannot prescribe medication, but he has suggested it. My biggest fear as of right now is that my wife will look to someone else to comfort her and I can't even stand to think about it. I also worry about our children and the possibility of my 4 year old seeing mommy with someone other than big daddy (thats what she calls me). I admit, I do not know the differences between Zoloft and Xanax, but I think since he suggested it, maybe I should try it.
"Anyone who is among the living, has hope." (Eccl 9:4)
I just called to set up a DB coach phone consultation, but in an effort to appease my wife, I had taken my credit card and my check book out of my wallet this morning. I will however, call again tomorrow and set up a consultation.
"Anyone who is among the living, has hope." (Eccl 9:4)
...I think my H knows how he is, but isn't quite sure how to make the changes....thus I keep praying for him.