Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Stumbling, or moving forward?

Hello, SciDad. Just checking in to see if everything is ok? It's hard to get all excited and then have them pull back, but it happens over and over again. That's why it was wise that you had no expectations, but your heart went "pitty-patter" didn't it?

We all get excited, and we've all been crushed. That's why everyone is super cautious; we all want to be the one that defies the odds, and has a S who suddenly realizes their error and comes running back to us, crying "Im so sorry!" with tears running down thier cheeks.

You're doing great. Just slow and steady, ok?

Thank you all for your support. I clearly still have expectations, although I wish I didn't. Something to work on, I suppose. In-laws are over so I can't really get a good read on the situation-it's all still theatre. I do think it's interesting that my W seems to keep going above and beyond to paint me in a good light to her parents? Maybe damage control from previous comments?

Also everyone's comments made me remember that the om might have had a trip planned with his mom over the holidays, so he might not even be around. Funny is forgotten that, but he told me months ago while we were still friends...

I'll try posting more and visiting people threads, but private time is hard to find

Thank you V, that means a lot to me.

Not much more to report other than the usual feeling of being left out of most conversations while my wife's parents are here. They are still very nice people, but they aren't my parents....

One little thing I've done to change our dynamic is to be less passive and more assertive (hopefully without being an ass). For example, when a decision is to be made I ask their opinion, but make my position clear.

I am still nice and being the good host, but db'ing is exponentially more difficult as more people are added to the situation. At least I've only got another week of the in-laws...

Struggling today. In-laws are making it tough to be myself, GAL, or db. I no longer have a routine and need to share a bathroom with 4 adults. Add to that constant comments about temperature, parenting styles, driving tips, and finances....

I'm not sure why this stuff didn't bother me in the past, because pretty sure they've always been like this (mainly my mil). Now I'm a powder keg trying my best not to go off. Joy.

Tried sitting next to my wife while all of us watched a movie and got pissed by her nonverbals (leaning away, not initiating contact, generally ignoring me). I ended up taking off my wedding ring and tried getting used to feel. Yes, I was in that dark of a mental place. I didn't do it to get a reaction, but I noticed a panicked look in my wife's eyes when she first noticed. I doubt it means much, but I still noticed.

It is nearmy over Sci!

If you can't get to post Happy New Year

V

Working on being positive today. I think part of my problem is that I have a ton of stuff I need to get done this week and I'm not doing any of it. I'll try changing that today.

Goal #2 is to not let my mil get to me. But I hate her right now. Counting the days until she leaves

Hi Scidad, sorry about the inlaws. I quite like Zues' suggestion of 'cheerful but stupid '.

It will probably take a huge chunk of your PMA but ignore them cheerfully? Selective hearing and sight?

Try not to be the angry guy. Your wife will just use that to paint you as the bad guy. People who don't know all the details will also think you're the bad guy.

The fact that you taking off your ring had an impact on your wife means that detaching, doing GAL, making your own plans without consulting her, etc. will work. You scared her when you did that. She wants you as her guarantee while she explores other relationships. That is hugely disrespectful to you but will continue as long as you let it continue. Don't get angry, just detach and do your own thing, whatever that may be. Whatever makes you happy. I think in your case it will work. Especially with the ring reaction. That speaks volumes.

Hi SciDad, I miss your posts! Hope you are doing ok and dealing with the inlaws ok. How is the guitar practice coming along? I am practicing a blues riff for our band. Those strings really hurt my fingers though, I am a wimp. Hang in there buddy.