Last evening after kids were in bed, W and U sat on the floor of our lounge and wrapped some more presents. She is such a kind person, that she has bought presents for all her coworkers and closest friends. Not generic presents like chocolates but individual items with thought.
Afterwards it was late but we wanted to watch a favourite TV cop drama just to chill for an hour. W remained on the floor effectively inviting me to sit behind her and give her a shoulder rub - which I did.
It's now 4am and W has been called to the hospital which only means one thing.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
But I have a very bad feeling that W will say that her grieving started on Thurs/Fri/Sat last weekend and the big fight we had, let her down so badly that the M is irreconcilable
Mindreading I know.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Sorry for your wife's loss and yours too to a certain extent. Your w is going to feel lousy. Some or all of that is going to be thrown at you. Listen to her pain not her words. Be strong be present and be caring, but you cannot do more.
Even if she does want out now, her emotional low will change and maybeshe will feel different then. Take it as it comes and keep working on you.
Best wishes.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Introspective : Where I failed in Marriage 1.0. Where I need to improve in Marriage 2.0 whatever happens.
Not owning the romance and sex dept - organising QT for W and I
Not playing enough with the boys
Not enough rough and tumble/ boys games/ bonding with the boys
Not showing the boys I Love Them every day
Not standing up for myself - avoiding conflict
Guilty of covert contracts
Not expressing my feelings enough
Playing video games to escape
Not leading the household - W leads it
Not taking time to help W organise childcare
Walking on eggshells/burying head in the sand instead of confronting a deteriorating marriage�
No sarcastic remarks to Sons when they do something wrong - sarcasm is not witty and is demeaning
Saying sorry too often - makes you weak
Last edited by isittoolate; 12/24/1511:57 AM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
A part the first one, all the rest can be done now. It is a good list.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Had a good day yesterday with W and sons and some family friends. W and I gave each other 5-6 presents each - but no cards.
I got the feeling she had thought about my presents a little more than previous years.
W really liked her main present. I bought her a coat. She loves it. Also some earrings went down well.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Hi Anc - yes I know my sitch is different to most - or is it? - is she just an extraordinary cake eater?
Yesterday she worn the earrings I bought, and the coat when we went to visit friends. She loves the coat, 'it's make me feel very stylish'
Today she worn the jumper dress I bought for her.
We visited MIL, and SIL. A lot of emotion present as FIL died just 3 days ago.
I don't know how much and what detail W has told SIL about our sitch but when I greeted SIL she hugged me for 1 minute solid - everyone was watching including W. It moved me to tears. Then when we were due to leave SIL hugged me again for 30 seconds and whispered ''W must be mad'. W and SIL are very close sisters so it was nice that SIL reached out to me. BIL also reached out and next I would always be welcome in their house. I told him I appreciated that.
Later W thanked me for helping MIL with moving furniture about for dinner, helping with the cooking and cleaning. She reached out and rubbed my shoulder/arm - one of the few times she has physically touched me since BD.
The funeral will not take place until the New Year so I want to detach from W a little and see if she pursues me a little.
Later I gave W a deluxe foot rub and she 'moaned' a little when I stopped as it was 'so good'
A have a 50 mile bike ride with pals tomorrow am.
Last edited by isittoolate; 12/26/1511:37 PM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
