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Any other opinions?

She is definitley searching for something that will make her happy.

A sign of depression.

You didn't cause this and can't FIX it.

Let Go - step back and let her self destruct.

Protect yourself from the ensuing damage.

So, to that note cadet, I feel you're correct. She's always been like that. She's always tried to find something that filled her heart. Whether it was drugs, me, animals, and now, she says it's our daughter. I have a hard time believing that one because she seems so ready to destroy her family and my daughters future serenity. She tells me all the time that I'm such a fantastic father and she knows that I will always do the best for her. I feel she uses that as a playing card against me.

As for me, I've detached. One really good thing I got from the Marines is the ability to, for the most part, completely turn off emotionally from someone. I don't call her, I don't text her unless it's too ask to speak to my daughter when she's going to bed on the nights that she stays over there. I'll occasionally answer a text if she asks me questions, but remain pretty short and vague. I have a fantastic support system, including my in laws. I have a lot of guys that I can hang out with, and am somewhat off a social butterfly

Journaling experiences:

Tonight will have to see her as we always go to our daughters tumbling class on Wed nights. Very difficult for me to remain civil sometimes knowing what she's done or doing and taking time away from me with my kid.

Also, for some other boundaries I have yet to go over, she insists that she stay on my car insurance since she is paying for our daughters tumbling. She says it's a wash because of the costs. She also wants me to continue paying for babysitting during the day, even though she would only stay there 2 days a week, and my mother has offered to watch her for free. She doesn't want to deal with my mother because my mother is angry at what she did to the family. She says it's only fair because she has to pay for her health insurance.

I'm torn also as to whether I should actually file for D, just as another boundary to let her know I am serious and not be treated this way.

Cadet is absolutely right. It's depression. Here is my analysis:

She suffers from low self esteem caused by her being molested as a child, and that having never been addressed through therapy by a trained therapist.

There is a good chance she is bi polar. Almost a guarantee. And if it has never been diagnosed correctly then there is another problem that may be happening. My wife has mild bi polar disorder. It is very mild apparently and she was no where near as obvious as your wife's case, but nevertheless risky behavior is associated with bi polar disorder. The problem happens with a doctor prescribes anti depressants without knowing of the bi polar disorder. This almost certainly causes a manic episode to ensue. In any case you are not in any position to do anything about it, but it's good to understand these things.

Now the reason your coach Jody is telling you to stay off the forums is that many people here are not trained as she told you, but also because many people are mixing principles from different books and authors and this creates a mess.....

Confronting the man and causing his marriage to possibly end by telling his wife, there by blowing up everyone's world and then waiting to see where all the pieces land these are not DB principles. That sounds more like Dr Harley. Don't mix stuff. If ou are getting coaching, stick with what they tell you to do.

My coach had told me also to not listen to the forums. Everyone here wanted me to back off, never display any affection or offer any physical touch. I was deemed for doing this, and many were questioning if I was even having coaching or whether I was making it up.

But u was having coaching. And my issue was very very similar to yours. I had sexually neglected my wife and had turned her down for sex too many times to were it damaged her self esteem (which was probably already low, just like your wife). So she got with the first loser that gave her any attention. So physical affection was prescribed by my coach as a way of testing the waters to see if she would allow me to touch her (usually a way to see how the feelings are now) but also to show her that I am capable of intimacy since I had withheld affection in the past.

Since we have reconciled, my wife and I have had many heart to heart conversations about what happened. She told me without me ever telling her any of the DB principles, that she never lost any respect for me because i was never confrontational. I never wrote letters or emails to everyone she knows and exposed her the way others may tell you to do. I acted mature and with self respect and with dignity. The Om is always a low life since only low lives are ok with dating married women. So how you conduct yourself and the respect you have for yourself will contrast with the lack of self respect he has for himself. My wife says that she began to see that I was a respectable person who was not out to ruin her life or embarrass her. And she says without this there would have been no chance of reconciliation because the damage would have been done.

You are on track. Let it play out a little. Follow the advice of your coach. Keep posting here so we can help you with your own emotions and own mental health. Look after your daughter, she is most important in this ordeal.

Keep your head up brother, it will get better.

Oh and Cadet is one of the most knowledgeable people on this board. His posts are short but don't be fooled. There are lots of nuggets of knowledge from his posts.

He is absolutely on point that she WILL self destruct. The issue is when, and why, not if. So if you've embarrassed her and acted vengeful you would have jeopardized the ability to reconcile. Provided of course that you still want that when the opportunity arises. And it will.

Well, I must say, that, although I didn't put her on blast, my closest relatives all know about it. My MIL was one of the first to contact me about it. She's always said I was like the son she never had. My family, is very compassionate however. No one wanted to condemn her. My family is very religious and deep believers in forgiveness. I may have gone off the deep end on her the night I discovered, I just couldn't keep my emotions in check. I apologised for my actions the next day and backed of the ledge. Talking through things is the way I deal with things normally. My family is a great sense of support. I definitely made mistakes in the early weeks. At the time of this writing, we have almost no interactions aside from discussing what is happening with our daughter. It's almost hard for me to even look at her because I know she had lied to me again, and carried on with the affair. She told me when she moved out, that this was to see how we handled separation, not that it would give her open season on this OM. Appreciate your kind words SM34