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Beckyb

You will laugh at me when I say this, but giving up the grains and sugar has been amazing for my mental health. Do it. This dip in mood has been a build up of some things I have been coasting over, hoping that I could see myself through to the New Year. Seeing a photo of Mr Ex's lovely Champion Bodybuilder was the tipping point.

Hang in there BeckyB. I know my anxiety demons have little to do with Mr Ex of his new partner. These are old wounds healing. They just surprise me sometimes when I bang the not so healed scars against a sharp object.

Thanks for support and kind post.

Much Love

JellybXXX

Oh jelly, no more of this garbage talk. He did not settle for you until something better came along. I get how hard it is not to compare yourself to OW but stop it!

You have your own amazing qualities and if all you do is judge yourself on the few that you don't like you will always see yourself as less than you really are.

You don't know what his champion bodybuilder is really like anyway and it doesn't matter so don't compare yourself to her because of his actions.

It's ok I know, the reality of the situation and its not about comparison. This doesn't really have a lot to do with Mx Ex and his Champion Bodybuilding partner. They are only a trigger to some old and deep seated issues, that I am thinking need a good old dig around from a therapist.

The body image stuff has been coming up more and more in my posts, and I feel like its time to put it to bed. I have handle on it with some perspective, but not enough to either let it go or not to trigger me.

Thanks for the post Fogg

JellyBXXX

My dear friend Jelly, I am sorry to read of the current state your in. We all as individuals come with a different combination of traits, physical, mental and spiritual. We can effect these traits through our dedicated efforts but there is only so much you can do. Please don't be so hard on yourself.

I love you just the way you are. You have such a kind compassionate nature. That alone does not describe you, there is calming wisdom that transcends your written thoughts and touches my soul. Your are truly one of my hero's and I aspire to be more like you. I enjoy your honest sincerity combined with your emotional intelligence when sharing your thoughts. Jelly you are beautiful just the way you are.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I like what I feel about you. What's on the outside changes with time no matter what you do, time wins. What's inside is what matters Jelly, you are like a fine wine it only gets better with time.

As far as whats wrapped around your beautiful soul, Jelly you are beautiful. Men like women in all shapes and sizes. There is someone out there looking for you. Please treat yourself well and remember it ain't what you got, it's how you use it. Be strong Jelly, you are loved

Mutatio, Thank you for your kind words. This is a mere dance with a few of my demons. I bounce. Thank you for being a friend. JellyB xxx

For some reason the whole post got lost, due to technical difficulties:

I just feel so humiliated, that I ever exposed my body to him, ever exposed myself at all. DId he just settle for me until the better prize came along. I know he has an ego and likely she makes him feel fantastic about himself just by having her on his arm. This is not helpful thinking I know, but I am kinda stuck.

Particularly when I have been working so hard on my diet and exercise. I have been doing this 10 week challenge. Paelo eating and light excise. I haven't fallen off the plan once in 10 weeks. I have been exercising and I haven't lost one kg in fact I have put on 1 kg. I want so much to look normal, feel beautiful. To think and feel like normal people do.

I know this sounds like a pity party and alot of it irrational, but if you can indulge me I just need to feel all of this today and tomorrow I will start afresh

My wife is much smarter than me. I wish I was smarter so I could be interesting to her.
I have a lot of insecurities tied up in my self worth.

The shamed and the addicted and abused children, are fragile beings at times.

Well when you are ready feel free to disclose these insecurities Mutatio and we will unburden you of them. This place won't let you hide behind them nor own them if they are not yours to own.

Besides smart is relative. Just like beauty being in the eye of the beholder . You may well feel uninteresting due to feeling a lack of smarts. I'm not entirely sure you are seeing the wood from the trees. Much like my fat from the thin. Lol

And Mutatio what you describe by your wife IMO, is her attempt at disguising resentment with ambivalence or disinterest.

My belief is she will eventually explode from her ruse.


Love JellyBXXX

JellyB

And couple of things occur to me the first concerns belief systems, an obvious belief is that because someone looks lovely on the outside they are lovely on the inside. Where did this belief originate? Do you know people who are the reverse? Lovely on the outside but ugly on the insidedge or beautiful on the inside and ugly on the out?

Is this a long standing belief? How valid is it?

And the toughest question of all, to what extent do you judge yourself by this standard? Is it your weight that holds you back?


My next observation is about resistance, I am chatting with Mutatio on this and his issue is quite different, his issue is about accepting changes on the inside.


OK I am going to muse on this a little while, clearly there is a barrier to extreme care, as part of extreme care is becoming physiologically the healthiest you can be. Healing from the physiology up, in doing so there is weight loss and movement to ideal weight and fitness. So your remarks tell me that this aspect of extreme care has been deferred. That's ok as you work on stabilising you, it's a good sign that shift is coming to tackle this aspect. Perhaps that part of you 'Ms lovely steel buns' could be a motivator for you, that part of you that wants to be fitter and slimmer.

Anxiety won't help as you will crave carbs and sugar, which will soothe you.

Jellyb have you had the bloods done? Do you know your numbers?

Your post comes across as shame, and a little disgust is this so?

There is much comparison too, we can all compare ourselves to others, younger, stronger, slimmer, blonder, darker, taller, smaller, fitter, etc. How valid is this to do?

Can we put a stop to these thoughts when they start?

Would working on extreme care help you?


As always Jellyb if I am pushing too far, you can say not now V, that's ok.

V

You are healing your health with your Paleontology, it might need tweaking. I am going to find out about it.

If PP is about he might be useful.

V