You have been such a wonderful help to me and i hope I can return the favor. You have been doing such a great job but you are right you must concentrate on yourself. Let H see the best in you and I agree with the idea of a 180 with MIL. If they both see the good changes in you it will only make things easier.
In my situation with H and so called friends when i ask about them and really listen to him and validate how he is feeling things go wonderfully. It is hard to trust again but you must start somewhere and I have started by believing him when he says they are just friends.
I also have in law problems but you know if you kill them with kindness it shows everyone that you are trying to change and the more possitive times that come from that make everything with H easier. I have decided to not fight with H any more but fight for him and do whatever it takes. And each day it does get a little easier.
I wish you the best of luck and know that you will win this battle because you are strong enough to do what it takes. PMA PMA PMA always even when you don't feel like it.
hi LL2F - thanks for the boost, it has really helped. well, H and I were supposed to visit my mum this weekend, but with the 'resumed contact with OW saga' and our R discussion, we felt we needed some time to ourselves more than visiting. so, I am looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend, to really collect myself, and think through carefully how to handle myself.
i've been seriously dbing since march 21st, so it is not quite a month. before that i had read the books and applied some ideas, they did help, but i have just the journals from march 21st to go back to. it was 11 days after OW called to say A was over. i was wise enough to recognise that was not the end of my problems. i need to remember this, and manage my expectations
i need to go back to the habit of posting positives and negatives. i'm letting one issue cloud my entire world, which is not constructive. as rotz once pointed out, it seems to be so much easier to be positive with everyone else, i need to start doing the same with me
so, my next post will be on the positives of yesterday, and after that an update to my goals. in our R talk, H came out with an interesting comment. "I don't want anyone telling me what to do" this was in response to my suggestion that he may be able to get over OW if they were not on the phone every day. WTF sooo, i need to look at whether i'm coming across as controlling. this may need its own exploration. sigh.
i'm in no hurry, this is MY life, i get to choose what happens to me. i have all weekend to enjoy mapping out my plan, goals, self indulgences. re-connect with friends. dazed (i miss him so) was right, i have this community, H and OW don't - i'm better equipped to handle this with grace and dignity.
enough of the 'i's - have a ball everyone. lots of love, slowly
I try to stay away, but when such a wonderful friend seems down and unfocused Captain Winky and his Flowboy crew must leave the ladies (if you can call them that!! ) in port and sail back into the deep!!
Cry havoc and unleash the dogs of war maties, slowly needs to go on the offensive!!
You have allowed your PMA to falter and while it is easy to squander the opportunities of the day, let's refocus on what to do FOR YOU to get slowflo back into the game.
To be quite honest, my dazedboy persona is somewhat if not very different than the mild mannered person I am in real life. Maybe my inner child is surfacing. Wearing a red cape, lace stockings, that kind of thing has a way of doing that you know. I'm just remembering that when all of this garbage started, some of my greatest PMA boosts came from my innocent flirting with some girls at the checkout counters, and some of my customers also. You have such a great whimsical banter here I'm sure you would have no trouble flirting with some cuties and as long as you keep it innocent, what can it hurt. No guy will ever be offended by casual stroking of his (insert any word here you think inappropriate, but I was thinking ego you naughty girl )
One last thing before I sail back to the honey's - Like Betsey said on an earlier post, you cannot judge your wonderful success based upon some of our threads. My wife and I have been apart physically for 34 months, emotionally since my D4 was born. I still see a glimmer of hope even in my sitch.
Well, time to go run my fingers through the booty (that's treasure you naughty girl! ) and imagine my wife walking the gangplank
oh my, i feel better already amazing how fragile PMA can be. thanks a lot dazed. i'm so happy to have my instincts validated. my hunch was to go a little, well maybe a lot, mysterious and get a life this week. i've done all i can to make H comfortable and confident in my love, and he seems to be taking it for granted. so, on to the offensive. stay tuned. i am now going to start with the woman in the mirror. love, slowly
You sure do have a great caped crusaider in your corner with dazed boy there. That would make any girl feel good! And you are so good at making the rest of us feel good about ourselves, it's time to take some of that PMA for yourself.
You are such a wonderful person Slowly. A great friend. You deserve the BEST that life has to offer. Indeed be mysterious - and let H see on his own what he's missing.
hi totally, randy and jen - thank you so much for the encouragement. still feeling a little fragile, but ready to climb out of my hole i think. i've also just read an amazing post by sage summarising the book 'panic to power' - it has made me feel ready to take action
well, yesterday was tough as i had this 'resumed relationship' hanging over my head. nevertheless, we had a good day, went for a run together (H invited me), lazed about in the morning, got intimate (i felt bold enough to initiate after atlanta dave's incredible experience) and H took me out to a swanky dinner. got held close going to sleep.
negatives - well here i am, unable to sleep crazymaking about what this resumed contact is all about. H maintains it is nothing more that phone chat (probably because OW's H is keeping such close tabs on her )
i've also learnt that H feels quite threatened by me - career wise i've been a lot more successful, and most of our family and friends know this. i used to downplay my accomplishments, did not hang out with people in my work circle as H was often 'bored' in their company. without realising it, i ended up being isolated. well, no more. i'm good at what i do, am appreciated for it, and H will just have to deal with it
next post coming up on revised goals, time to think of me more than H or the R thanks again for being here, folks. it means a lot to be able to rant and not unravel too much in H's company. hugs, slowly
i'm starting with the woman in the mirror. my goals for this week are:
re-connect with my family - since the bomb, i've maintained a distance in case my pain becomes evident. i'm now going to focus on getting more grounded by spending time with my mum, brother, and cousins. given that i will be acting as if, there should be no reason for them to suspect, and their love will be an excellent balm to my bruised heart re-connect with friends - same here. i'm going to plan to take june off, just by myself if necessary, and hang out with friends i have not seen in a long time. may spend some time in boston, maybe catch up with resident dbers even expect nothing from H - treat H as a great friend, sometimes an intimate friend, and leave it at that for now continue efforts to sell flat - need to get off the fence and appoint an agent. i wish H was more involved in this process, but given that he was reluctant to sell to start with, the fact that he is keen to have me appoint an agent is progress i should be thankful for learn from more experienced dbers - i must catch up on rotz the PMA-on-steroids woman's story, and others. stop wallowing in self pity. pay more attention to detail. read the books that came in last week.
oh, there is so much to do. no time to crazymake lots of hugs, slowly
) in port and sail back into the deep!! 
I'm just remembering that when all of this garbage started, some of my greatest PMA boosts came from my innocent flirting with some girls at the checkout counters, and some of my customers also. 
You have such a great whimsical banter here I'm sure you would have no trouble flirting with some cuties and as long as you keep it innocent, what can it hurt. No guy will ever be offended by casual stroking of his (insert any word here you think inappropriate, but I was thinking ego you naughty girl 
)
