hi slowly-- i love reading the posts that people have written to you about the differences you've made in their lives!
i wanted to share with you a baby step i've made, because your help has really given my a lot of comfort and encouragement during this time....and i think you and all of our friends on this site should "share credit".
on friday i met with my W so that i could pick up my mail and the house keys. i am moving back in next week and she has found a place of her own. (not sure if she's moving with the OM or not...didn't ask). well when we met she gave me a big hug and as we sat down for dinner she held my hand. (i was very surprised.) we had a very pleasant conversation and it was very apparent that there was an emotional connection that has been missing for awhile. i complemented her on her appearance and she blushed and smiled! she did the same for me and i think i did the same thing.
as we reached her car, we both had the feeling that this is a "goodbye" of sorts, as she is moving out of the apartment. i said something to the effect of "i guess there won't be many times when we 'have' to see each other anymore"....and she replied, "i hope we still choose to". i replied that i would like that. then we hugged and as we hugged she started to cry. i mean really, really cry! she whispered "I'm sorry" in my ear as we embraced. i didn't say anything at that point...i thought it best to just continue to hold her. i then told her that i just wanted her to be happy...and she told me the same thing. then he stopped hugging and her eyes were red and full of tears. i grabbed her hand and said some nice things and then we kissed....for an extended period....not one of those 'bedroom' kisses but very loving just the same.
as i turned to walk away i made sure to smile at her (she said the first thing she noticed about me was my smile) and she smiled back, through the tears.
now, i know that our separation continues....and i know that she is still with the OM....but i also feel this was a really positive baby step for us to take. and i also really feel that it wouldn't be possible without the help of friends like YOU!!! you have made a difference in my life and i want to be here for you too!!
it sounds like you are on the right path with your goals and all of us here are with you!!
hi akgal - thank you so much for the encouragement, for a while i did wonder if i was being too selfish, and if this was deviating from dbing, not putting the R first. good to know it is ok. i plan to stick with this for a week and see where it gets me.
hey r man - awesome - she cried and you kissed - i just have a gut feeling you guys may be back together in a few months - but yes, baby steps are sooooo good for the ole PMA
well, had a chat with H's BIL just now - the only one in either of our families who knows about H's A - he is just as bewildered about H's actions - BIL has seen H with me, and can see the love, so continuing a relationship that has no future and is hurtful seems so futile. the ALIEN prevails, at least for now
i'm just reading through rotz's threads - there are so many developments that i relate to - sometimes these parallels are spooky of course, i have the 'live' A to contend with, which is so damn hard
off to the health center tomorrow - must get something for the insomnia - the bags under my eyes are big enough to check in on flights till later, everyone, slowly
slowly, Good to see PMA wish mine were as good right now. After reading your posts the last couple of days I will try to work on myself and hopefully PMA will return.
They say the only one we have any control over is ourselves and I am now going to work on myself and whatever happens happens.
Keep up the good work You have come so far and have been such a great help. I wish you all the best. You have very strong goals in place and you know what you need to do to achieve them. Follow all your own wonderful advice and you will achieve them in no time.
I have had a pretty bad couple of days so PMA is non existant at this point. I will write after I have had some time to center myself. LL2F
thanks LL2F. i'm sorry you are not having such a good time, i'll stop by in a few minutes. thanks for the encouragement. just going to review our sunday:
positives + H invited me for a morning run again, we had an invigorating time + discovered water heater had packed up, H took lead to get handyman in and fix it + H organised for us to go see movie - again, usually this has fallen on me - great that he is stepping in we saw Hellboy, which was quite a laugh + H woke me up at 4 - ML very emotionally
negatives - well, i'm still obsessing about his daily contact with OW, the chats about how they feel, and probably the bitching about their mutual spouses (thwack, thwack - i know, i'm crazymaking, but i'd rather rant here than at H, so please bear with me) - H asked me if I had contact with OW's sister, and i replied that my original intention when A was over to not have any further contact, but now that H and OW have resumed contact, i did not see any reason to curtail my friendship. needless to say, H was in a right mood about it. question to dbers out there - should i continue this friendship which developed out of her concern for me?
goals i'm gonna to stick with the ones for the week, but every day, i will find at least two opportunities to validate, compliment or praise H - i intend to fill up his tank while i continue to GET A LIFE
You sound great! As for the friendship, what do you want to do? Is it a friendship you value? Is it a friendship you can feel trust and faith in? Or will it remind you of OW all the time and allow you to continue to make craziness? You know the answer to your own question.
akgal - i needed you to hold that mirror up - you are right - i do not need reminders of OW - no matter how nice her sister, and how much i value her support. tomorrow promises to be hectic, so here i am posting my monday review:
positives + i changed my pattern of going to work, left earlier than H - normally i match his movements. he later grilled me about this in a roundabout fashion, it was interesting to see him trying so hard not to ask the question directly - i had dressed up extra nice, and i think he was wondering if i had a breakfast meeting i was not telling him about. i must do mystery more often. + had a great day catching up with my aunt, cousin, and a couple of friends. lots of feelgood hormones, i have a nice circle of relatives and friends, and must spend more time with them. H and i are having sunday breakfast with family, which will make a BIG change from our sundays of the past 6 months + H took me out to dinner, had lots of hand holding, cuddled up on sofa in front of tv, nice round of intimacy
negatives - hmm, mondays have been traditionally bad days, H and OW get together after the weekend of no contact. so yes, some crazymaking, and some pursuit type approaches, i had good excuses to call H but i think i need to let him do the chasing a bit.
question i've been catching anitasues posts and went bck to her begining - it was VERY interesting to see things from the perspective of the S having the A - does anyone know of other threads i can look up? even better if there was no walkaway. my H really confuses me, with the amount of love he shows me, but at the same time continuing with actions that are hurtful
mystery sounds wonderful. Sounds like it is working for you. I agree totally to let him persue you. sounds like you had a pretty good weekend. we all let this crazymaking get to us from time to time. But it sounds like you are right on track.
I wish you the best and hope you have a wonderful day. PMA and work on yourself. Wonderful plan maybe I should follow your lead.
i love the mystery part slowly! love it! on michele's keeping love alive CDs she talks about shaking things up like this and not being so predictable. she says that we've been wondering about our S so often....it's time to get them to wonder about us!! and yes....get him to chase you!! doesn't michele describe relationships like a see-saw? the more we do of something, the less our spouse will do. if you pursue him less...and keep adding some mystery and unpredictability....perhaps he'll start pursuing you! time to shake him up a bit!
wow-i think it's great that you had a nice night with your H. hand holding....cuddling...intimacy... congratulations!
I'm worried about you now. Are you ok? I know you have been going through a rough time and just wanted to check in see how you are doing. Hope everything is ok. Will write tomorrow. Take care LL2F
hi LL2F and ranacan - yes, it has been a hectic 2 days, i'm slipping on my journaling H had initiated a couple of R discussions, sounds like his PA has become an EA, after 4 weeks of no contact. whatever. i'm not going there for a while. he still maintains this is his way of winding things down, and that H and I will 'always be togethr' - let's see.
in the meantime, i was blown over by underdog's post on my thread a few days ago, i'm spending my scarce online time reading up her history, all 13 threads it has been like looking a bit into my own soul, with the crazymaking tendencies, the craving for affirmation.
my journey is still rewarding, i'm not sure which direction it is taking me in, but i know i'm getting stronger, and i like myself more now than ever.
you have made a difference in my life and i want to be here for you too!!
of course, i have the 'live' A to contend with, which is so damn hard 
