Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers dday, getting out of the muck

gs9's advice is great. If you've already said it, let it go. I will probably let my official day go by in silence. I've told H all he ever needs to know. If he remembers it, great. If he forgets, well then, it couldn't have meant that much to him. He knows how much I do not want D. He's just certain he'll never be happy unless he gets one. And like you, I've told him his happiness is coming at the cost of mine and our children's. He is still determined. What do you say to that?

If you have to say anything, if you're just not the type to be silent, wish her well. What else can you really do?

I'll be here for you...lots of us will. I know I'm counting on you to be here when mine becomes final!

Thanks Judy. I truly hope she does find happiness. But the cost of it is so great, that I don't see it ever happening. I don't know how she ever got to this point. I told her last night that I don't see how this is best for the boys. She tried to spin christmas apart as the boys having 2 great days of Christmas instead of the normal 1. I told her that we obviously don't see things near the same right now.

I don't know if you were going for dry humor here or not, but you made me spit water out my nose! LOL

Glad to brighten your day. And no, that was really my reaction to her. I started that call with her by telling her that I am in an anger stage... that was my warning. Then I tried hard to bite my tongue. Didn't work perfectly, but I did better than I felt.

d,

My XW knows. Your W knows.

I said nothing because there was nothing left to say.

dday, like what the others suggested, I said nothing. I had said so much that there was nothing left to say.

Prior to the D, I did tell the X that I love him but I will set him free. Like you, I couldn't see a way out and I was tired. I figured that this might just be a journey that we had to make. Tying him to my side was just making him struggle more for freedom.

Will you be feeling emotional? If you think that you can say what you want to say to your W calmly, then do what you think you should do. If not, perhaps an email or letter?

Yes, do plan for something after the D to take the edge off. I had gfs with me for a karaoke session...

Tonight, s4 has his Christmas program at preschool. W is going to go early, seating is very limited. I have the boys and will get them ready, and bring then when it's time. She wants us to sit as a family, and wants papers signed this week. I do not feel that it's right to sit as a family, since she doesn't really want to be one. I do not plan on sitting with her, but hopefully with a friends family.

This is for me and my sanity. My boys, so they aren't confused. And W, she wants away from me...so I will give her that.

Am I thinking stupidly or selfishly?

Very likely cake eating if she said she wants to "sit as a family" but still wants papers signed this week. I don't see anything wrong with you sitting elsewhere but remember not to be a dick about it. If she throws a fit about it just state your position and truth dart if necessary.

Dday, it wasn't your choice to break up the family, so sit with your friends. Your W has to face reality, she can't break up the family and keep it together at the same time.

I hope you enjoy your son's program.

Christmas is going to be hard. Next year I hope will be a lot easier.

Hang in there, you are awesome.

dday,

My D7 has her Christmas program tomorrow. I would love for nothing more than WW to ask that we sit together. She also wants to get the D over with. I wonder if I would feel like you if she wanted me to sit with her and pretend nothing was wrong.

My children have not even seen us communicate for 6 months. It's so unhealthy for them. I guess what I am trying to say is, perhaps sitting together is not the worst thing that could happen.