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Painter...do you have a DB coach? I don't disagree with a L, but I think a DB coach would be critical here as well.

WAS's truly operate in a universe with a different law of physics. I mean, I don't think he's lying to you...but I don't think he's lying to her either...I'm no mindreader but from what I know of addicts he's just unable to stop the addiction and doing what he can to avoid consequences and to still get his fix as long as possible.

Motives and intentions aside, the reality is that he is betraying your trust. I think it makes total sense to protect yourself legally and emotionally, and be prepared for walking the road you have to walk if he doesn't have what it takes to admit that he needs help beyond willpower and truly make a NC letter and work with a counselor to get the help he needs. Still, it might be nice to see if this is an option that he is prepared to act on...the only thing is I wouldn't want him to think that is a standing offer as it is clear he will kick and scream and do anything to buy more time so he doesn't have to take action.

For that reason...walking the balance of protecting your finances and emotions, and allowing him to see the consequences of his behavior...the balance between showing with your actions you won't accept that in your life and you aren't going to wait around for him to soul search, without burning a bridge and driving him to OW because he feels you've made the decision for him...trick stuff. For that I think a DB coach is essential.

Until then you know what to do, you've been doing it. Hang in.

We had a DB counselor until H didn't want to go to counseling anymore earlier this year. I contacted her yesterday and I'm waiting to hear back.

My plan is to talk to the L today, then talk to H tonight. I plan on just showing him the printouts of the e-mails and ask him what he has to say about it.
I think I will be able to stay calm. It feels like someone died, I'm more devastated than angry.

H knows that I want to talk about something. I was sad yesterday, our last conversation was that I said I was sorry for anything I had done to contribute to bring us here, and sorry for the choices he has made. I tried to let him know that I know something, hoping he would come clean, but he is adamant in his lying. There is no relationship with OW, she is engaged to another man (she mentioned a fiance on her FB-page a while back and I suspected it was H all along, but he acted as if he was in shock), he has only e-mailed with her sporadically.
We've been here before, less than a year ago, this was how he reacted when I had proof last time.

He asked me this morning what I wanted to talk about, and I just said 'about going forward'. He said something about waiting until after the holidays, that after last night he thought we were in a good place, but I said this is too big to sweep under the rug.

Waves of nausea. I have a lot of errands to keep me occupied this afternoon, but feel horrible.

A couple of girlfriends believe that H has gotten himself in deeper with OW than he really wants to. The communication they had certainly shows a lot more excitement on her part than his. He doesn't really reply to it at all.

I'm going to get my L to prepare action and then tell H it's up to him to stay or leave, but that I'm not living in an open M. It's his choice, and I know he wants me to make a decision for him (he's very passive and avoidant), but I won't. I'm not going to let him walk out saying, 'Well, she told me to leave.'

Painter, You're never alone in this. You always have people to talk with, and many of us are dealing with the same feelings and emotions. Keep posting, and know you have an outlet. I'll be praying for you today!

Painter, just brought myself up to scratch with your sitch.. Yours and mine seem to be quite similar, we too where also in piecing but he seems to have gone quiet all over again and it feels like history repeating itself.

You are doing so great, and it's so admirable someone giving it a go. Keep doing whatever you can to help you, make you smile. Anything, out with girlfriends, maybe vent with his daughter if that helps.

He sounds very confused, he clearly wants you- a deep sort of love but these ow seem to know how to prey on the vulnerable man. She will be interesting as there's no obligations towards her. But like you say- engaged to another man and sending him selfies- is this really a relationship bound to last?!

Hang in there!!

So we had the talk. I was very nervous, although my appointment with the L really boosted my courage. She is a very nice and caring person.

I just gave H the printout and asked him to start talking. He read it for a long time and asked how I got it (very predictably). I told him it didn't matter and start talking and not take time to think up a story.

He said he had backed out of the whole thing with OW over the last couple of weeks - not said anything straight out (oh how I can believe that), just become difficult to get a hold of and not answered her calls and e-mails. Basically, he got cold feet. He still insists she was engaged to someone else in August... I think even he had started to see she's a mess.

He's not proud of this, and feel bad - but maybe more for himself than anyone else?

No idea where I go from here. No need to decide here and now.

Seeing MC by myself tomorrow.

Thank you, Trumpet, I greatly appreciate your thoughts and prayers!

Cherry, thank you for your supportive words!

I hope you get through whatever is going on - have you tried any new techniques to shake things up? I will read up on your sitch tomorrow.

Take time to process this P. Appear strong and resolute to your husband.

I'm at the working on me stage, I've had so much on all week. Leaving him to it at the moment and hoping this might start to see some positives.

You are so brave, well done on confronting him and saying you need options. Keep strong and calm, both him and ow are acting on emotions and are all over the place. You are the strong, steady clear headed one. And this is far more desirable! And it's great that you've seen a L and going to mc. Good for you girl!! You are doing great!