Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers spoke to OW..the 1 he said he has no contact with

Pink...I'm sure i will fall and make mistakes but i will try my best not to. Ive read a lot of stories here and everytime someone slips up they feel so badly that i hope to try and steer away from that if i can.

I am a sahm mom right now. I guess that will be changing soon.

I will call around tomorrow. Free is a lovely price

I try my best to cry when i go to bed but some times its more than i can take and it comes out. I suppose like everything time will help that.

And if it weren't for this board i would be in a lot worse shape than i am now.

You asked me earlier what i could do about the fact that i want to lose weight. Answer...i can get off my butt and work out.

Venting. I initiated to NC so why the flip is it hurting so much that he stopped contacting me earlier today?

Are you going NC with the expectation that HE will contact YOU?

But generally, you're going through some level of withdrawal. That will fade.

I guess so since it bothers me so much that i cried. I know having NC right now is the best thing for me. For him too since he is sad over ow right now.

Him being silent just reinforces that his feelings for me were lies and that he does love her and that just kills me.

The last thing he sent me today was telling me he hopes i am having fun with her (ow) and that i clearly do not care about him.

That doesn't even make sense. He clearly doesnt care about me..im not the one in an affair.

I've been reading other posts for hours. So many sad stories. It does help to know I am not alone in this yet it depresses me to see how common this is. Sigh. Waiting for my tylenol pm to kick in.

Venting again. Now that I saw all those messages I compare the 2 constantly. He can so easily drop me like a bad habit but she is so addicting he could not stop.

Even the smaller things. Eveey night he would text her goodnight and be all sweet and romantic in just a few words but i am not apparently worth the same to him.

Journaling

I am such a mess this morning. Even with the sleep aid i woke up 3 times last night and just cried. I feel so utterly lost and defeated. I keep asking myself why her? Had he put that effort and romance into us, things would have been so different.

Inatead he chose her. Small thing to be proud of. Since he has not contacted me I found myself weakening and i wanted to call him. But I didn't. No call, no text, nothing.

I hate when i think...if only he would realize. Because he is a grown man and the fact that he kept the affair going and just got better at hiding it for so long after he supposedly ended it shows that he did realize what he was doing. What he was risking. What he could lose. And after thinking about it he decided she was worth it.

And now that his lies have come to light...he is not here apologizing or asking for forgiveness from the family..the woman he claims to have loved. But he is doing that with the ow.

It's so much pain and I feel used and humilaited on top of hurt, angry and alone.

Rain75 -
I know youre hurting and thats OK. You have a long relationship with someone that has turned their back on you. Of course it will hurt. Of course you will think and wonder and worry and all those things that come with it. Thats OK. Thats natural.

But realize this. Life is still happening while youre in this state. And right now, any contact that you make will only hurt you further and make the situation worse. So its GOOD that you can keep up with not pursuing him. For your own good, keep that up.

The key now is to begin to pick yourself up off of the mat. It's time to do things that will make you feel good so that
1) you can feel good about yourself
and 2) you can let your mind take a break from all of this [censored]. How good would 10 minutes not obsessing and him and 'you' feel? All that stuff I bolded is a waste of your brain power. It's a rabbit hole with neverending questions and pain. For a while, I wore a rubber band on my wrist and snapped it any time I started going down that hole. Stopped after a couple days.

So what can you do to GAL today? Even if its just for 15 minutes?

Thanks Azzork...i know i shouldn't obsess and that I need to just realize and accept that he chose both of our paths with what he did and i need to move on.

It's just easier said than done. At least right now. But I was thinking of just walking to get a coffee and people watch for a bit. Doesn't sound like much but trust me that is a lot for me right now.

Thank you

Agreed. But this doesnt just happen. If I say "dont think about XYZ", the first thing you are going to do is.....think about XYZ.

So, how do you get your mind off of XYZ? Think about something else.

Thats the beauty of the GAL activities. You immerse your mind in new activities and new friendships and your mind doesnt have the capacity to think about XYZ.