Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers My WW - Trying To Stay Strong

I agree with Max.

She is having an A. When confronted she said she would limit contact and try to work on M. However she continued contact with OM.

So I would say her walking away slowly. Me initially following but now me stopped and working on me focusing on me. Atleast trying to anyways.


Does the above answer mean im pursuing because shes walking away with continued contact with OM.


We still see each other everyday i could just wish her a happy bday in passing.


Could do this but the event isnt realy my cup of tea but i suppose i could still go/take someone else who would have interest. As for detaching and GAL. Trying to so this stuggling a bit with both of these. Part of the problem is seeing W every day and having S1 wanting to spend as much time with him as possible.

Anyways thanks for the feedback i appreciat it

Hi St,

If she is still in an A then yes, you are pursuing. Any stage she is in where she is not focusing on trying to get back.... this I would call pursuing.

If you pass her, then cool, a quick HB smile and move on do not get dragged into any convo. Remember, what is there to talk about if she still has OM?

Really think you should go, break from the routine. try it.

As for detaching and GAL, it IS hard and long but worth it believe me.

Max

I would go with a male friend. No date. You're still married.

As for pursuing...you know you're not pursuing her if you're walking your own path with your own direction. Leave the gate unlocked if she wants to come back through it, but go your own way. If she wises up, she will come find you; if not, you've at least done something good for yourself.

Giving a card and/or gift of any kind is pursuing and counter productive. Don't even go to the party. If it's at home go out for the night. Did you read sandi's post on WW? You have to be strong and detach completely. If you really want to break the fog you have to be stronger than your natural urge to try to connect with her.

Only issue with not going to the party is im trying to salvage christmas for the little guy S1. In turn we have not told any of our family we are having issues. Close freinds and family are invited to bday party if i dont show up it will invite lots of questions. Party is at my house.

So put up christmas tree with S1 and W today... Was pretty exciting S1's eyes lit up when he saw the lights on the tree and snow men and all thay good stuff. I had some good laughs and tickle fights with the little guy. Got a little sad after he went to bed and W and i started putting up orniments. All the milestone orniments "first chrismas" im thinking last christmas . Anyway that was finished then i went off to gym. Had a good workout back up to 192 though . Think i gota eat more heathy. Anyways pushing on through think i decided against bday gift and card unless anyone has any last minute thoughts on that subject. W is sleeping on the couch now last 3 nights stoppes going to gf's house for some reason. Wonder if GF asked to many questions about our situation or gave advice W didnt like. Anyways just glad i got the MBR to myself still. Sorry rambling on here. Night!

Salvage Christmas for S1 who will never remember it vs. salvage marriage which has much more impact on S1's life. Besides, this is W's bday not Christmas. Not really important in the big picture.

Any questions about what's going on are your W's problem. Don't protect her from her bad choices.

Personally, on her bday I would dress up nice, maybe some new cologne, grab my coat, say "have a nice party", and just leave. If she asks where you're going just say "out, or I have other plans". If she asks when you will be back, say "I don't know". keep it short, say your late, walk out. Smile, be upbeat.

Go to dinner, a movie, a game, something else fun. Just get out and enjoy the night.

It seems rather crazy to attend a party celebrating someone who has tossed you to the curb.