Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers My WW - Trying To Stay Strong

W stayed @ home to sleep last night. However, she slept on the couch.

Said it was because she felt bad going to her friends place so late. I just said Ok no problem with no further discusion.

Every single person my XW was friends with before BD is now out of her life. She had 20 year friendships that she ended over OM. Like 'block on facebook' ending, because they were talking to me and supporting me. She did have one friend who got divorced that she was talking to around BD, but I heard months later that the friend advised XW against D and against OM - of course, that friend is out of XW's life now too.

Who knows what they are thinking about during this time. Well, I guess I know. OM, right?

I wish my WW's friends would dump her. But of course her closest friend is D'd, goes out regularly, sleeps around so she probably loves having my WW to support her lifestyle. I'm sure she lies to her other friends about what is really happening. And/or lies to me about what they are telling her

Believe 0 of what she says and only half of what she does.

Except in cases of revenge affairs, I don't think it is the general WW's intent on hurting her H. Him getting hurt is more like a side-effect to her finding her happiness. I mean, she really is not focus on his feelings. It's all about her. I know that sound ludicrous, but it is part of the craziness in her mindset. For many, they shut down their loving feelings for the H a long time ago (just didn't show it as much) and have more of a brother-sister care/affection. She thinks she deserves to "find happiness", and she hopes the H will remain her BFF.........but if he gets hurts in the process, then she's sorry for it......but not sorry enough to change. She "cares" about him like she cares about an old relative, but she is not going to give up anything else for him (the WW type thinking) and when time for them to split.....she will get everything the law will let her have (if he doesn't agree willingly).

So whenever you hear her make remarks of this nature, you have to apply the believe none of what they say. The way she looks at it is that she'll do what she has to do to get what she wants. She hopes you will get out of her way so you won't get hurt. That's how her caring works.

So question my W's Bday is coming and i bought her tickets to and even. Do i still give em to her or should i see if i can sell them off. Also should i buy her a card or anything. Im guessing sell tickets and no card but im second guessing myself.

How would you view the gift and card? Pursuing or not pursuing?

I guess i would say not... i mean if i didn't give something she will think im trying to punish her for the hurt she has caused me. That woulnt be the intent. If were to get a card it would just be a goofy one something like that not the normal romantic sappy card i would get. And te event tickets tickets are purchased id feel bad if they went to waste if i cant sell them off.

Am i backsliding if i give W something with a freindly card?

Why are you afraid of showing her that her choice has led to a consequence and a very small loss.....no bday card, no tickets for event?.....give her a bday card and take another person to the event....preferably a single woman!

Hi St,

I have not read all your posts and forgive me if I misread your situation.

How do you view your relationship in this example.

Is she walking away and you are following?
Is she walking towards you?
Is she walking with you?

By answering I think you will see if you are pursuing and what to do.

I suggest no card, if you MUST ... for your own well being ... a quick whatsapp or sms message without getting dragged in a convo.

As for tickets go with a friend or by yourself. Heard about detaching and GAL? Start.

Peace Max

Im not afraid. I was leaning towards doing nothing. I already let her plan her own party normally I would have planned the whole thing. I was wondering what other thought.