Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Now what?

Thanks sandi for your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate it. Sadly, math is not his strong suit. He knows these next two days of finals are 'do or die' , and as much as none of us want him to go to the alternative school--yet another one to have to make new friends--that is still an option to get him to graduate on time.
As immature as it sounds, all I could think of as I sat there, was how this was all H's fault for moving us so many times, across 3 different states, for his dreams. I feel like my whole marriage has been 'whatever he wants, he gets.' then he gets to look at me say "Thank you for your service, but I won't be needing you anymore"---I know, I know--immature and letting him control my emotions. It was a rough day.

tl2,

Not sure if his T level has been checked. He is currently on Lexapro for anxiety, which they just had to increase dosage when he got here because of the new jobs stress level. He claims its the Lexapro that has affected his libido. As I have said before, he has struggled with depression in the past and the dude seriously has "grass is greener syndrome."

Cristy, thanks for ideas concerning my son. I am not sure about tutoring, but hopefully he can pull through these finals and that it was wake up call for him, that one needs to actually do the work!

I will certainly think about giving you a call. Funds are an issue right now. Thank you

Feeling pretty crappy about myself today. BLahhhhh

Since the BD 3 weeks ago, my sister has been suspicious of an affair...almost certain of it, in fact. He volunteered that he is not, I never even asked or suspected it really! I was leaning toward a MLC. Well, it got the best of me today and I started snooping. I could not seem to come up with anything concrete, stuff that could be construed as suspicious I guess. Now I just feel crappy. CRUD. As if I don't feel crappy enough.

Also I found out that he told our oldest son that we are "separating", which A) we were going to wait til after the holidays to tell them both B) "we are separting" is different than "I am leaving your mom" and C) he did it without me. That makes me hopping mad!!

My STBXW wanted to control all communications when she left. She said she thought it best that we present a "unified front" when we told the boys. My response was that we were far from unified, our kids are adults (well, early 20s) who are both out of the house and on their own (well...sorta...LOL), and I'm going to tell them the truth.

When my son came over one night and asked where she was, I told him that she had 'moved out', was staying with a friend, and told me she would be back in a week to tell me whether she wanted a divorce or not.

Of course, my STBXW gave me grief over that, said she had not 'moved out' but was simply 'staying with a friend.' I didn't respond because it does no good.

The next week she told the boys she had been unhappy for 20 years and didn't want to be unhappy for the next 20. I told them our marriage had highs and lows, certainly some rough times (as they were well aware), but I thought things had improved a lot over the last several years and that we could carry on ok if we both chose to, and that was what I intended to do, but if she chose to leave then I would accept her decision.

Of course, she acted like I was throwing her under the bus. I just made sure I gave them the facts from my side while pointing out that it was mom's decision whether she stayed or not.

I agree with you tl2.

I'm no expert, but I think that whole "unified front" thing is kind of BS. My boys are 18 and 15, and I am pretty sure they will see through that charade. They have been part of this family for years. Neither are super close to H, he just doesn't want to be the bad guy. It was his dream/job promo that brought us here, taking them away from their friends and family.
Thats why I wanted to be in on the convo. I hadn't decided exactly what I was going say, but I thought I had until after Christmas. Well when my son told me he knew, he said H told him "we just grew apart." I replied "It was his choice to leave. This is not a mutual decision by any stretch."

Actually, I think he thinks he has the hard part done...telling me. We have not even begun! We now have to tell our youngest whom he loves. loves , loves! And I can imagine packing his things and walking out the door ain't no easy task either.

I agree about the unified front BS. Unless it's truly a mutual decision to D, I think the spouse who leaves should take responsibility since they are the one making the decision.

I agree with you both. The one who "quits" should own up to it. It is one of many consequences that they should face.

Your situation sounds similar to mine. We just moved to a new state for H's school. My S 17 is a senior this year. H got here and left us and moved into a dorm. He is acting weird. He wants to be happy but that is not with me. And now I am dealing with a S17 who is mad at dad and hating school. Stay strong

tfish, I am so sorry. I feel for you. How far from "home" are you? I am about 1500 miles.

My H is acting weird too. Monday before Tgiving, and 2 weeks after BD, the army recruiter was here. After he leaves, I go upstairs to get in jammies and come back down to husband sitting in kitchen listening to an Alice in Chains song (not his usual genre.) I say "Whatcha doing?" He says "I am in mourning." I say "S18?" He says "No, our marriage." Anyone else find that weird??--this was his decision.

Then Wednesday before Tgiving, we are talking about the gym here at our apt complex. I went once, he asked me if I had been back. I say "no, I find treadmills boring, but I am doing yoga here at home." The he calls me a MILF. Well apparently not.

I will stay strong!! I will stay not mad and not angry!!

Can anyone advise on this: Part of my GAL was to get a job to get me out of the house and get some friends, and money of course. And I think it really bothers him that I don't work/contribute financially. But I have had 2 people tell me that might not be in my best interest financially right now. I have been SAHM for most of our marriage with 2 part time jobs in the last 6 or 7 years that netted us around $500/month.
I know its prob a lawyer question, but I don't have one yet,and I have already put in some apps. Thanks.