Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers dday, attempting to find clarity

You are both right. She knows all this.

Thanks

Now, back to loving her from a distance while she is still walking away. Have to find out how to do that. I feel like I am either cold or "friends". I want neither.

I came to a point where I realized I could leave the gate open but it was time to start walking my own best path into my own best future.

As Sandi keeps pointing out, WW has to feel the loss to come out of the fog. (WW after her respect comment, not A) W has to feel that she is losing me. How do you portray that without being mean, insensitive etc. How do you get to that point? I am much less infatuated and obsessed with her. She isn't the same woman right now.

I do want to reconcile, but she has work to do. She knows that I want to be together. How do I let her know that I can be ok without her, and have a future with or without her in it?

Tl2, you may have answered while I was still ttping

Ha well I was posting when you were. So here's a follow up.

The way you let her know you'll be ok without her is to be ok without her. The way you let her know you have a future regardless of her choice is to start walking your own best path into your own best future.

How I do that: I make my decisions for me and the kids. I don't worry about how it affects her. I let her go because I have no control over what she does...not with my thoughts, my decisions, my feelings, or my desires.

I'm not saying it's easy. I'm only saying it's been worth it. As for her, she knows where I am. The gate is open if she decides to go there and find me. So far in my case that is not what she has chosen. The D will likely be final at the end of December or in early January.

As the prayer goes, I intend to make 2016 a year where I change what I can, accept what I can't, and pray for and acquire all the wisdom I can get to help me know the difference. And be there for my boys.

Thanks tl2, THAT all sounds doable. It doesn't seem so daunting when you break it down to small chunks.

So, here goes some ideas:

Work, about as stable as can be in this economy, pays well for the area, not much chance to get a promotion but I'd I get the chance I may try.

Church, need to get back in the habit of going

IC, I go most every week and it helps me

House and vehicle will both be upgraded whenever this is all settled and I see where my finances are

Boys. Be there for them whenever I can. Help with their homework when I have a chance, play with them, coach them, love them, teach them.

GAL, going to DC next weekend. Not much else planned after that

Great start. What kind of work do you do?

I'm in a steel mill

So the work it stable...being involved at church will add stability and regularity for the kids I would think. IC helps you with your personal stability.

And you're the one being stable for the kids.

I read a book once and forgot everything (including the title!) that was in it except for one quote that went something like this: "Marriage is not as much about finding the right person as it is about being the right person."

I think it fits nicely with 'be the kind of person only a fool would leave.'

Tl2, I like that quote. And it's true.