Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers New thread - My WW

Hi JStrong, I'm all for leaving some stuff in the spare room with a little lamp on. And if she asks about the MB you can say - we both know where you were last night. You'll need to sleep elsewhere now - I'm not willing to share our marital bed with you.

I would keep it brief, and be firm and calm. If you want to say anymore, say that her ongoing contact with OM is disrespectful to you and your M, and you aren't willing to share the MBedroom with her while she continues it.

In next couple of days, you could consider moving all of her stuff into the spare room, so the MB isn't even partly hers and she'll just have to sort herself out in the spare room,,,,but maybe await advice from others on this.

Good luck and don't waver....and remember....not overdoing it, just firm, calm boundaries.

Good luck. Stay strong

Didnt get this message so i just fell back asleep and when i woke up at 5:00am she was laying next to me.

Also when i woke up at 5am i was curious what time she came in so i asked what time she got home. She just said late... then i asked if she respected me and she said yes i said it doesnt seem like it and told her that i asked before if she could just send me a quick message out of respect to let me know she was going to be late. She said she didnt know if i still wanted thay with everything that is happening. I said id still like it... also later in the morning when we were getting ready for the day i asked if she wasnt sure when she got home or if she knew what time. She said she got in at 2am. I guess i probably asked too many questions? Also i think because she asked for a seperation the other day and i basically said i cant stop you from seperating she thinks its justified for her to do whatever she wants. I dont know what to do should i talk to her about my expectations i still expect respect and other things i have asked for in our M regardless of weither or not she says were seperated?

Also finished reading NMMNG on to DR

My w did the same thing, started going out and coming home whenever she felt like it.
We did not share a room. I think maybe that boundary should be set, and have her move to the spare room.

IN sandis rules, you do not ask anything about her coming home, where she was, anything. You are still pursuing that. If you set the boundary about it you better reinforce it. But what are you going to do?

Im stuggling with how to handle certain situations with W birthday and christmas coming up. People are asking me whats going on we usually have a party for W bday and have a christmas potluck, we have family christmas and bdays all this stuff i dont know what to tell people im still holding a smig of hope that my w will come to her senses and drop this OM so we can try to save our M so i havent been telling anyone anything about my sitch. Not a soul other then my good freinds on DB forum. What should i do?

I know i shoudnt have asked anything. Im guilty there.

The boundary i origonally set was around when she comes home late without telling me whats going on im not going to wait up for her im just going to bed. I did that.

The other thing i mentioned a while ago before i was on here was that if shes going to be out late or come homes later then expected i told her i would prefer if she let me know about it so i dont sit there worrying about it. Didnt realy set it as a boundary didnt even know what one was at that point.

I would let go of the her letting you know thing. She is trying to be rebellious and you asking this affirms her to keep pulling away. Even if she tells you she is going to be late you will still sit up and worry about one thing or another, right?

You need to try to just go to sleep, wake up extra early and make plenty of noise i the house!! Di that a few times, passive aggressive , yes but oh well!

Regarding the bday and xmas, you need to pass the buck on to W. say not sure yet and tell them to check with her. If she tries to get you to do the same things for a show and her to cake eat, then you open the door for truth darts.

keep moving!

What do you mean by pass the buck i just ask her what she wants to do or i tell people to ask her because im not sure.

My extended family chirstmas dinner is next weekend shes asking if i want her there. Not sure what to say because i do want here there but at the same time i dont if shes carrying on with the OM and id have to explain to my family why she couldnt make it. Im worried if i tell my family the sitch they will hold a grudge against W if we ever find a way to make things work again.