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Hello! Hope everyone had a nice week.

I need some guidance: tonight at dog swap, i am going to need to grab more clothes from our house. Im cold and need warm clothes! Ive been avoiding doing this because i dont want h to start the convo about me moving all my stuff out. (We were supposed to just have a trial s which is why i only packed my summer clothes and about 75% of my belongings are still at the house)

I get that im fearing something that hasnt happened yet, but im wondering what do, say, and how to say it.

H:we need to figure out a date for you to move the rest of your stuff out. You can borrow the truck if you need it.

M:thank you, this is still my house too and i plan to keep my things here until im ready to move it out
Or: im not moving the rest of my stuff out until you file
Or......????

I just dont know what to say. Yes, i am fearful that if i move all my stuff then we really are over. Its totally irrational since stuff isnt going to make any potential r....but what would you do and say?

Feyth, maybe someone has better advice or direct experience with this, but I would just say "I need to pick up a few things" and if he brings up moving everything, say something like "I just need a few things right now, we can talk about the rest of it some other time." Or is there any way you can go in and take what you need when he is not at home? He might not even realize you were there.

Thanks pho! That sounds like a sound approach!


Also- bumping this in case anyone else has some different approach/ experience.
Thanks!!

I'll go with the same as Pho. You just need few bits and bobs, not all of it! Just say you need to pick up few things and leave it like that!.

Thanks for your .02 Rouky! I'll be cool, calm and collected when I see him.... Always get anxious the few hours leading up to dog swap!

I perfectly understand you, I am always nervous when H comes round to see kids.

Keep PMA and acting as if :-)

Oy-rough morning. I was feeling pretty Neutral last night, but this morning the tears are flowing like a river.

I went to pick up dog last night and h informs me that "friends" stopped by and were still there. I said ok and id like to grab some clothes. He said ok.

When i got to the house there was one car in the driveway. H opens the door and tells me that they are practicing lines in the bacKyard..i walk in and notice that he has recently completely and utterly eliminated my existance in the house. Ok, it had to happen sometime. On the counter i notice a giant green purse and they were obviously mixing drinks. I notice that both our bikes are also out.

i go the mbr and h follows me. I tell him to visit with his friends and he says he doesnnt want to be rude to me and its fine cuz they were having a pit fire in the backyard. Alright...reading lines in the dark, by a fire with drinks. Ok.

i stayed for 20 mins packing up stuff. H made small talk telling me about how things were both good and bad with him. I listened and validated. He brought up stuff with my inlaws and i was (internally) so mad bc i miss my niece and nephew. Not my choice to leave the marriage, not my choice to abandon my in laws. Arg.

at one point i was putting stuff away in the closet and he says to me, i know its hard. I had no response. I couldnt. Packed a little more and had more small talk. I looked good and was cheery.

this morning, my tiny little ember of hope that ive been nurturing for months glows a little less bright. he just seems so sure of himself right now. More certain than ive seen him in so long.

Submitted too early- i know i still have it in me to continue down this path... but im feeling like a doormat because im "acting" like a clueless pollyanna in front of him in my db and lighthouse efforts. I even went through the doormat thread last night. Its hard to continue to stand up for the m. Especially one that has already flat lined. F!!

Hello there,
Haven't been on here in a while. Fortunately, it was because I was really preoccupied with GALing and work travel... However, I think I suffered a bit of a set back this weekend. I was doing so well and actually feelin great and all of a sudden everything came rushing back and I am now in this pit of despair. It's like a deeper level of grief and pain than I had before. Maybe I'm mourning the marriage officially now? Maybe I'm becoming more accepting that this isn't going to work out?. I've been DBing for 5 months and I've gotten nothing from H (I know- no expectations)... But I just want/need a nugget of SOMETHING from him. I miss him, my house, my inlaws, our friendship... Everything. I am so surprised by how much I still love him. It's crazy.. And that's what makes me want to continue and not throw in the towel. Lord knows that's the easy way out. I don't want to give up on him and us, but maybe this is par for the course?

Ugh- just needed an outlet to let this out and shift the focus back to me. Personally, I've been doin well- took up Kung fu, bible study, and Rosetta Stone Spanish...I'm continuing my meditation and social endeavors as well. It was working wonders until recently and I'm not sure what triggered this emotional backslide. Ok- no sulking- just moving. Enjoy your week!

Feyth -
Glad to hear youre doing well overall. My advice is to feel the despair. Understand why it came on. Try to figure out exactly what you are afraid of or upset by. Then let it go.

The pits will keep coming, but youll find that it's farther apart and less intense each time. Just roll with it, pick youself up, and keep on going.