Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Yesterday's gone. Tomorrow's not here.

Yea when I first saw that it was WW's BFF I thought something was going on. Def strange to see that name on my phone. But she literally said nothing so I have no idea what that was even about or how I entered her mind. Ah well... trying not to focus on that, I don't think it was anything.

Doing pretty well keeping her out of my mind lately. I like that. I do not see anyway this is going to work out though. She's been gone over 4 months now and I have nothing (zero, zip, zilch) positive to report in regards to WW anyway.

Sometimes, doing nothing is, in itself, a positive step. Just because you dont have something to report doesnt mean that there arent positive changes happening behind the scenes.

I suppose that could be true, though I do not feel like it is. Things will have to come to a head at some point soon. I have a life to live and that life includes what I hope to be a happy family. If my wife does not want that with me, I can accept that, but then I have to move on and find the right one.

That is a woman's way of finding out what you did on the holiday, if you spent it with anyone interesting, if you stayed home and had a pity party, etc. And of course, never doubt that she's not reporting to your W.

Yea that is what I thought Sandi... except she did not dig for details. I Just said it was fantastic and then she was like tell everyone I say hi!... and that was the end of that.

I am really starting to feel like the divorce talk needs to happen with my wife soon. Not an ultimatum (have seen that fail time and time again on this board) and not a relationship talk, just a talk saying alright already… let’s move this forward. I am moving forward, but I cannot completely move forward until that is figured out and the process itself will take time. Some people say well what is the difference between being divorced and not. To me it is huge. Once we are divorced, I will never be able to talk to my wife again. I am fully prepared for that. I went down that road once with her already (broke it after a year when she called me), I am ready for it. I know this, she probably knows this. She will be a threat to any future relationship… she is too powerful. A new relationship is not possible until she is 100% out of the picture.

Any thoughts? Of course I do not want to be inpatient or make a mistake. I love her very much and think a new marriage between us could work. But this dark limbo state is too much. I could see maintaining this if there were some signs, but there aren’t. We hardly ever communicate in any way; I have not even seen her in over 4 months now. I don’t know, might be just about time.

If you want to be divorced, why not just file?

If you dont, why have this talk?

I hadn't thought of just filing with no talk actually. Funny how the mind works. I think there are some logistics that need to be discussed anyway right to make sure we are on the same page? It has to be as amicable as possible (it should be) and it is best if lawyers stay out for my sake. After BD she had agreed to that. Actually, that has been the only talk of actual divorce we have had, though I know if you were to ask her, she would say her position has always been clear even though shes never said the word. I guess I need to do more research here. I feel like blind siding her with that is not really right (again funny how the mind works).

The second point I agree with... if I don't want one, then there would be no discussion.

I am not thinking of doing anything tomorrow... but maybe in the first week or two of the new year.

Pinn I am in a very similar sitch to yours. My signature would look almost identical to yours. A big difference is the fat lady already walked on stage in mine.

Time is a gift. One I likely tossed out the window during a sorrowful mind state. You have choices to make with options some of us wish we still had.

I encourage you to thoroughly consider Azzork's questions.

I search for my own answers in your thread. I ask many of the same questions. Which ever way you decide we are with you.

Sure....but why does that need to be done before filing?


What do you even mean by amicable? You havent talked to her in months, right? You want to be married and she doesnt; theres only SO friendly it can be.


You can tell her you filed. Or that youre planning to file in a day. Or something. Theres no way to "ease into it". But in my mind, if you want to be divorced, do it. If you dont, dont.

Ultimately, I dont see what initiating a conversation with her will do except likely lead to her accelerating the divorce proceedings. If you want to do that, why not just do it yourself?

Giving some thought here as I'm at the same point (although before my WW moved out... I made the DB mistake of asking what she wanted. I mentioned that I thought she wanted D but she isn't doing anything about it? She said she wasn't sure and wants to wait until next year for whatever intention she has.. no intention of D even though she has moved out and is living with OM. I then said.. " Well I want to move forward and I will regardless.." She didn't know what to say.

Point is, what would your life look like with the official D vs. what you have now? I know it's the official "lets move on with our lives".... I get that as I'm facing the same dilemma where I'm ready to file.. but holding to the New Year to make the next call. I understand there is both the physical divorce (piece of paper dissolving a legal contract), and the emotional divorce. In thinking through, how do you envision your life after divorce vs today? Will it look different emotionally for you, or the same? For some it may be financial protection, and others firm closure and thought of new beginning to their lives.

I grapple with the above thoughts a lot. At the end of the day, I know we all have personal limits and patience. The scary thing is that this situation of having time to ourselves really gets our deep thoughts to the surface as we question what we truly want in life and who we will share our lives with.

So will moving forward be different with D vs. things as they are today? I'm trying to figure out my own answer to this.