bleh....I slowed down my morhphing process by binging on milky way miniatures over lunch. Now why did I do that????I don't think I'm going to need a 2x4 though because the natural consequence of urping may not be far off, and that's probably going to be enough!!!!! I knew there was a good reason I don't usually do this stuff (besides losing wt, I mean!)
Personally, I would be around her looking the happiest and sexiest and classiest I could be. But that's me. I have good control of my outer appearance, but inside I would be shaking. I am competitive (I've even had the thought that I may be doing this DB stuff just so I don't "lose") and would want to "win" over the OW. So, I may not be the best advice, but I thought I would give it to you anyway.
This is really going to sound weird, but I think I need permission/encouragement to let go of the OW....I don't quite know how to explain but....she disgusts me so much, I despise her, and I hate what she's done to my life.....but this is the deal....I am absolutely sick to death of thinking of her....I see her as a black hole sucking energy away from my family, from me, energy that should be directed towards what I need to be doing to make things better for me, for my M, for my kids.... So, if I let go of her....I don't know....clinging on to thoughts about something I have no control over doesnt change anything.........other than divert energy... If I just let her go from my mind the worst that could happen would be....what? that H stays involved w/her and I don't see it? and that would be bad how? I look like a fool (already do, so?) Is it a good thing or a bad thing to be at the point of saying "the hell with her"? I can't say I'm ready to actively forgive her though, or pray for her...prayed for the b---h the night that h & she broke up, and did way to good a job...they got back together next day! Do other people get to this point?
Actually I've had the same thought about competitiveness and "winning", but I don't know why it's so hard for me to be around her....of course the post in between here is going to be really weird in context. Now then, since I've been kind of hiding out, maybe really making a point of being around would be a 180, not particularly R related, but still a 180 that might be good for me in some way (the old "suffering builds character theory" at work?)... Maybe it would get on her last nerve and she would complain to H!!!! hehe! that would be good, if she started to complain to H about me being at work! I'll have to put this into my thinking cap.
Do you all see the fact that H is actively beginning the process of hunting for another job, and that he's told me that if he can get a different one he won't have to "Do Paperwork" on weekends, & that he's asked me to take S to relig. classes, as positive indications that he's trying to put some space between OW and him? See, I don't have her out of my mind yet, do I?
You do have permission. But you have to give it to yourself. You no doubt feel a ton of resentment towards the OW. But she just sees the same great guy you do. By forgiving OW, you , yes you, will feel liberated. It will be very hard to do if she is still in the picture. Forgetting can't be done. Forgivness can be done. As Jesus said, "forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." http://www.michaeljohnsonphd.com/10_steps_to_forgiveness.htm
I felt the same thing for MIL for quite some time. Let it go and man what a relief. She has turned into one of my biggest supporters.
Actually, if I were you, I would react the way I posted. Then, I would think better of it and do the following...
Go back to being the way you were. Forgive your H, forgive yourself, and forgive the OW. You don't have to like her or forget her, but maybe you can find something to pity her for. That always works for me. My H did not have a PA, but I did find plenty to pity the EA OW for. It would be harder for me with a PA, but I think I could do it.
Then, just be yourself. Be around, but not to spite her, rather to just get back to being yourself. If it spites her, well, you won't be paying any attention to her anyway, so who cares? Did she take your feelings into account before taking up with your H?
Being happy, confident, and feeling free, do what you need to do and want to do and don't pay any attention to what does or does not affect her. It will feel mechanical at first, but keep being yourself and making yourself happy until it is second nature.
Deb, you know darn well that those are positive steps he is taking to separate himself from her. Whether he is doing it because he wants away from her or because he wants away from his job really doesn't matter. What matters is that he is doing it.
I'm debating what to do tonite....should have posted earlier for ideas. No relig. class & S is at college w/D over spring break...H &I get tonight together....last wkend I mentioned another romantic eve. like valentines would be nice sometime...he mentioned tonite, said maybe S could go to friends...I think this was Sat. H hasnt' mentioned it since...We havent ML since Sat. either. H has been complaining of being tired & not feeling well with allergies, achiness, etc. I'd love some "adult" time this eve., trying to think how to present the opportunity with out being pushy/pressuring I've backed off in that dept. the last couple of weeks because H said "I like sex but not 24/7" and can't keep up with every day...NEVER THOUGHT I'D HEAR THAT! (not even gonna consider how OW impacts this picture....BIG RED stop sign there)....anyway, hmmmmmmmm how to approach, havent heard much from him today, a couple of brief emails...
