Me: "Did you cook today?" H: (answered immediately, like the same minute immediate) "Need food to do that lol" H: "I've been living on lunch meats" Me: "Do you work until midnight?" H: "Yes" 30 minutes later H: "Why do you ask" one hour later Me: "I'm gonna drop dinner off at the guard up front. It is my tupperware, so you dont have to give it back. However, if you throw the tupperware in my car tonight when you get off, I will drop off more on another night we have extra." H: "OK thx" Me: just texting nonsense about dinner, you need to heat this like this and this goes with that... H: "OK thx again" Me: "Are you on 83? I am giving it to the guard now, I will tell him to call 83? And please dont thx. You would have done the same, I didnt do it so you thanked me. Just enjoy, you need salt..." H: "Yes" (meaning yes, he is on press number 683 (83) tonight so the guard will find him) Me: "The guard has it" Me: After I dropped it off and left... "OMG... Do you need a fork?" H: "Nope I'm good"
Yes, I know I am not helping him by doing this. And I am probably prolonging this stupid process. But he was so thin and my spaghetti is amazing. I gave him thick slices of Italian bread, some cookies and his favorite candy bar.
He was so thin I bet it made him ill trying to eat all that food. Nooooo, that is not making me smile at allllllll.
I was so angry at myself when I was texting him. I knew I should not do it. So when he thanked me twice, I transferred my anger at myself right onto him. That is why I told him not to thank me. His stupid thx made me angry. I should have said "your welcome" like any normal, sane person.
After I dropped food off, I was so sad. I wanted so much to get a text "OMG this is delicious. Thank you Mona. And I can save the cookies and candy for later."
But of course, I just told him NOT to thank me, so there is no way I can get what I really want.
Then I felt myself slipping into the old (dead) Mona. The first time I went through this DB process I was obsessed with what he was thinking. All the time I wondered what he was thinking. Was he thinking of me? I was the worst on the forums at not wondering. I cant remember the username, but there was a guy on the forums who was a WAH. He posted so much on here after he and his W reconciled. He helped all of us see what they are thinking and I remember reading his posts a million times. But I cant find them now.
Which is a very good thing. It does not matter what he is thinking. He clearly is stuck in "poor me, i am a victim" mindset and he has to find a way out of that.
Geez, I can see my focus is massively pointed in the wrong direction. Time to get back to me. Tomorrow night I am going out with a large group of friends. I am going to have a blast! And Sunday I HAVE to go to the Eagles football game. I am a die hard Steelers fan, so going to the Eagles is a hardship, but my mother needs help so off I go.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
You can see your own patterns Mona, I bet your H can see them too.
I loved how you just dissected your own behavior, now the real challenges is to see it coming and head it off at the pass! You should have been thanked for cooking your H a delicious dinner. I'm in Mutatio's camp, dinner was a rarity in my house unless I cooked it! I too have sent my W off from dog pick ups with tupperware full of my latest creation, however at this point I'm expecting a thank you.
There's still a lot more to you than you realize and all that you do. Let your H be thankful for what you give him, not for him, but for you. You deserve recognition, even from someone named jerk face.
No more victim mentality for you either. If you do something, expect and accept thank you. Accept compliments, take them both in. You deserve all of it and more.
Have a great weekend.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I just had a complete meltdown at work. It came from left field and there was no way I knew it was coming. I stumbled on this silly three minute video. Veterans coming home, and their loved ones being caught off guard. It was so cute and I started watching and a small tear sprang when a tiny girl in her kindergarten class turned to see her mom for the first time in who knows how long. Then it cut to a teen getting an award at a podium turns and her dad is there. Three minutes of this and I did not realize it was hitting me so hard, but as the video went on, tears started to flow, and by the time I turned it off, it was too late.
My office is one gigantic room and around the outside of the room are smaller offices with doors, all the doors open to the big room. Inside the big room are cubes. I have one of the offices with a door, not a cube. The whole office area is more quiet than a library even though it is packed full of workers. No one speaks out loud. We write code, we work on servers, and databases, so everyone is just typing away all day. And we need quiet because we have to get into a zone to give it our full concentration. I know that sounds so completely weird and horrid, but the no talking isn't a rule, it is how we prefer to work. I can go walk over to Judy's office and talk anytime I want.
So I found this video, and the tears start pouring. I am full blown crying and I am not making a sound. Now that I can look back on it, it is kinda funny, me crying in complete silence. If anyone would have walked into my office a few minutes ago, I would have been a mess.
I only posted it because of Vet's day, be careful what you watch! Or you will find yourself crying before you even realize what is happening.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
His second A was the only time I was ever so mad at H I was cruel to him. We were in the kitchen and he tried to hug me after I found the picts on his PC. I know I can be cruel with words, so every single time I get mad at H, since before we were M, I choose each word so carefully. I cant stand the thought of me hurting his feelings.
I completely lied to him during the text messages. For example, when I said "You would have done the same for me." LIE. He has proven to me he absolutely would NOT lift a finger if I was starving. I wanted so badly to point out how he did not deserve to eat this and he never thought of helping me or the kids, or he is the one who put himself in this position, he can find a way out. I could go on, but you get the point. But I cant make him feel bad. I do not have it in me.
That is not for him, that is 100% for me. I could not look at myself in the mirror if I was cruel.
Like, my pet name jerkface. PP it was so nice hearing you type it. it totally made me smile. But I would never, ever say that to him. The look on his face would destroy me if I hurt his feelings.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
