Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Triangulation (Differences between WAHs and WAWs 4

i do notice, I feel so much better the nights I get sleep. I have to make goals for myself now. I have been doing too much wallowing...

1. Go to sleep earlier each night. Limit dbing site! I notice a huge improvement in mood and anxiety when I get more sleep.

2. Get to gym and build up muscle. I am really thin now, so if I could build up muscle I will look great.

3. Take some classes. Was thinking dancing or yoga.

4. Join some meet up groups. This is hard as I only have every other weekend, and not even the whole weekend and am usually catching up on these weekends.

5. Get caught up in current events. I have not been reading, or doing anything other then obsessing over my status.

6. Take on some additional certifications for my career.

These are great goals Julie! Do you write out a weekly schedule? I've found that to be a huge help. Also enrolling a friend to be an accountability buddy can make all the difference in the world.

It's also ok to use your half/every other weekend to just rest and recover! These ditch's are exhausting and sometimes you just need to close the doors and lie on the couch. It's good for you to recharge a bit too.

What's a great book that you've heard of that you can dive into? Maybe something that has nothing to do with self improvement or advancement, just a great read.

Feel free to bug me if you need some accountability.

Big hug,

PP

I do notice, I feel so much better the nights I get sleep. I have to make goals for myself now. I have been doing too much wallowing...

I would like you to state these in a way that creates less resistance as these are terrific actions on goals.

1. Go to sleep earlier each night. I sleep soundly from 10 pm every evening as this improves my energy and mood and calms me..

Limit dbing site! I enjoy posting effe tively for 1 hour every day on the DB site and I learn a great deal every time I do.

I notice a huge improvement in mood and anxiety when I get more sleep.

2. Get to gym and build up muscle. I am really thin now, so if I could build up muscle I will look great.

I have good musculature on my slim frame and I look really great on my gym exercises.

3. Take some classes. Was thinking dancing or yoga.

I have started dancing and yoga and will decide which activity I prefer.

4. Join some meet up groups. This is hard as I only have every other weekend, and not even the whole weekend and am usually catching up on these weekends.

I go to meet ups that fit my schedule and this is one a month, this encourages my sociability.

5. Get caught up in current events. I have not been reading, or doing anything other then obsessing over my status.

I listen to current affairs and read about topics which interest and develop me.

6. Take on some additional certifications for my career.

I have signed up for x and y certificates and I enjoy the studies very much and they develop my career.

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Hope the tweaks help.

V

Those are great goals. Meetup has been a great way to get me out and discover new things to do locally.

You are doing great!

Julie, try hot vinyasa yoga! It is amazing! When I do it, it releases so much emotional tension.

Great goals!

I am reading some of my posts and the great advise from posters and I am trying to organize my very disorganized feelings and put some sense into them. I feel all over the place as to what to do, and how to be and how to move forward. This is an awful time for me (and for everyone here). I am overwhelmed by anything "psychology geared" and I don't know why I get so much comfort writing on posts for the whole internet community to see and respond to. (I have never been part of a online forum before) but I do and thank you for all feedback. It is so helpful. I think these are my deeper goals.

1. Need to GAL. This will elevate my mood and distract me and make me realize
there is a life and future outside of my husband. Eyeties thread stands out to
me in this regard.

2. Need to overcome my rage. Not just with anger management, but to really
Extinguish it. ( Thank you zues) This rage consumes me and brings me down
and affects me greatly. It's not healthy. Rage comes from:

A. Betrayal from possible affair

B. Husband actions... I feel a great injustice has been committed by him,
because he committed to a marriage and children (I never pressured
him to marry me, he was actually the one that wanted marriage) and
then left us and won't pay child support. (Will pay for some stuff
though). I feel mad because I feel like he has and is neglecting kids.
These actions are wrong.

C. His actions will force me to assert myself and file. Something I hate to
do because it involves confrontation. (Thank you vanilla)

D. Had rage in relationship which presented as resentment and hyper
critisism and failure to meet husbands needs. I felt like husband did
not meet my needs and did not help with kids and viewed our marriage
from a stand point of two separate entities instead of a family unit. He
wasn't around and when he was, he was sleeping. I felt like I had to
force him to do family activities and To spend time with us and that left
him feeling controlled and me feeling regected and like a nag.

3. Come to terms with my own contributions to marital demise. I feel so
disheartened when I read up on things I needed to do differently. It's
frustrating and I don't like to face them, because currently they can no longer
be implemented. Sure NOW I understand my husbands love language
(service), but it is too late cause he does not want to work on marriage and
there is minimal contact.

4. Change my negative thought patterns. (Than you again vanilla). I have to
print this up and really commit to it. I put it on the back burner, but realize I
need to commit to it.

Julie it's like you wrote it for me :-)

Yep I could have wrote this. Hang in there! You will get through this and you will be stronger on the other side.

Today is a rage day...

Husband calls every 3 days to ask about kids. Is it against Divorce busting theory to tell him that son says "when I grow up I'm never gonna leave my baby. I'm going to take everybody with me" you weak, pathetic, pos.

I figure it is.

I don't understand how not to feel angry. I have to remind myself that the positive is I don't think he will be able to get to or even want 50/50 custody. Any input? L says I don't have to worry unless I have skeletons in my closet which I do not but I still worry. I know it depends on state but I am terrified. The only reason he would ask is to not pay cs

OK

Let's just examine rage.

Rage is a combination of anger and fear. RAGE is not an emotion, it is a directed behaviour, either outwards or inwards.

We feel it as injustice.

Rage is useful, there is nothing wrong with rage. It is a natural result of a wrong.

So, let's think what we can do with it. Imagine rage when dealing with the bad in this world, slavery, sexual abuse of innocents, torture, murder, political terrorism. Rage is an appropriate response if it creates directed action.

The issue is not the rage, it is what to do with it.

It is a part of healing, a part of grief, an intense part. It serves no purpose if you fight it. Instead try a 180 use this to propel you forwards.

My challenge is how are you going to become an activist with rage?

How can you use this as rocket fuel, to get you to where you want to be? It will burn you up if you contain it, but in a rocket it will move you. Use it for you, to move you forwards, to motivate, instead of saving it as a hand grenade against WH, get going. When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

V