But i just want to rest assure my daughters are doing fine. I know this might go against the rules. Sorry i guess today is one of those days , i just want to do this and that and xyz.
There are no such rules, Angel. These are your children. You have a right to see them. Have you gone to a lawyer to help you?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So i was going through my closet and i found a notepad that belonged to my wife. I just started reading it and came across 4 pages of her witting about our recent problems. She was writing a log of what i was messing up in. The logs were basically paragraphs on how I was a bad father. How i never spend time with my girls when i would come from work. She wrote about several scenarios where I just didnt pay attention to my daughters.(shameful). She described how one time we went to a park and she brought clothes for me in order to change and play in the water with the girls , i didnt and just stood there. How when i come from work i go straight to the couch. How i dont have initiative to even plan anything for the girls , but i have initiative to plan with my friends. how i only go in their room to play once or twice a month.etc etc. It was painful to read this but basically it's true. It's shame what i have become. I cant believe i was so blind and never did anything about it. Only until they left i got help. I feel terrible i subconsciously was doing the same thing they did to me as a child , making them feel neglected. God I was a bad dad, and i dont blame her for leaving me. I didnt deserve them. Now that i got help from my counselor I can see the damage i did and how my past affected me and my daughters and my wife. Why was i so blind !!! ? Now my family is cut in 2. I ruined my marriage to a point of no return. Now i promise to never hurt my daughters ever again.
You can have your pity party.
Then figure out what you did wrong. And fix it. For you and your daughters.
Just do it.
Make today the first day of being the best father possible.
yes sandi, I already paid my L last week, I am just waiting for our court date , emergency custody trail. It can take 2 more weeks. Patience is one of strong abilities.
So i have been reading the book Divorce Remedy but is basically scenarios when my wife is still around. But , my wife is no longer around , she is no longer living with me and she doesnt communicated with anymore at all. I cant realy do any of the exercises listed.
But my 3 goals i want to list. 1- Be the best dad.Become more involved with my daughters no matter how tired i might be. take initiative to plan events and fun days with my daughters.
2. Become a spiritual leader. I want to get closer to God in order to become a better man. Talk to God everyday and praise him through my sufferings. He holds my marriage in his hands.
3. Avoid conflict with my WW. Try not to be so defensive when my buttons are pushed. Accept my mistakes and know I had some part of the fall out. I need to set a firm boundary line when my feeling are hurt. Love myself first. Self respect is important.
Mr.bond I have, I am done with no more mr nice guy, and i am almost done with divorce remedy. Although most of the scenarios on divorce remedy it's with a wife still having interactions with you or living together. (my wife doesnt live with me anymore and any txt or call i give her she takes it as harassment. Because i wont leave her alone. It's been 8 1/2 weeks now that i havent seen her or my daughters , I am just waiting patiently for my lawyer in order to see my girls.
Today I got a call from vehicle insurance and rep told me she received a call from my ww advising that she had canceled the policy and had split into 2. So she wanted to see if i wanted to sign on to a new policy for myself. I have no idea why but this little small even hit me. She wants this marriage to end asap and is detaching. I know this small event really means nothing , but for some apparent reason it did to me (shake it off angel)
Mrbond , it has been 2 1/2 since i paid my lawyer , so the court should be coming soon I hope! she said it usually takes 3 weeks to get emergency custody court date.
Tomorrow i planned to get up early in the morning at 5am in order to attend this men bible service they have at my church , keep in mind is a 35 min drive there, so it's commitment from my part , something new. Starting the day lifting up my spirit and talking to our LORD. I am still keeping faith in my marriage!
I forgot to mention i miss my daughters soooooo much!!! I cant wait to hug them and kiss them!! it has been 9 weeks since i last saw them. I remember that day my ww left the house , i didnt even kiss my girls good bye before leaving work :(( this feeling [censored] , i dont know why she is keeping them away from me, that is harsh thing to do. I would bet she would go crazy and if i did that to her, why can she see that ?
(shake it off angel)