Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers PP's WAW Adventure Continues - (8)

Hi PP, I think that's good advice from your IC. It links to my signature line, which I found inspiring.

What is happening may not be the life we would have chosen for ourselves. However, it is the life we have been blessed with now. Should I put 'blessed' instead? It doesn't feel like a blessing, but I think if we put consistent and genuine effort in the right places it will become a blessing.

To be shocked out of a particular course in life and forced to confront your own worst fears, assumptions and destructive behaviours is incredibly hard. And it is also a gift I think.

Thank you Sotto, I appreciate your wisdom. That does seem to be the highest level of thinking about our situations. Yes, I played a role in the downfall of my M, but it also happened. And is still happening. I know lots of people that smoke cigarettes and don't have cancer. But if they were to get it, they would look back and have to do what we do here - take responsibility for whatever part they played in it, as well as figuring out how to move forward.

I have a friend that used to do a lot of drugs and then got Leukemia. She went through chemo, went into remission, stayed really healthy for a few months and now is back to doing drugs. Even though it's not my business, I keep thinking that she's going to have to go through some other kind of trial as the first one didn't wake her up.

Maybe she won't, who knows. But if she does, I won't be surprised.

For some reason thinking about her yesterday helped me. I thought that if I got diagnosed with cancer I wouldn't go back and have fake arguments with God that I really didn't smoke that much, nor did I eat all as many of the cancer causing foods that I did. Living in the past would do as much good in that situation as it does in my M. It's gone.

What I can do is make sure that I take every step to be healthy. Really healthy. And then live life to the fullest.

Woke up a bit depressed after dreaming of my W so I'm going to try to hold that view in my head today.

Hope there're some breakthroughs in the sitch's today.

PP

I just ate an entire pizza while nodding that maybe this is a good idea.

It's OK! I washed it down with LITE beer.

Stay healthy.

Do you think guilt adds to the depression? I feel guilty if I dream of my H. Like I am supposed to KNOW in my sleep that this is a subject that is off limits. Or, if I dream of him, I have not really detached. So I wake up and not only do I have no H, I feel guilt for dreaming of one. And it makes me sad.

You cant really control your dreams. If you are feeling disappointed in yourself for plopping her in your nighttime wanderings, slap yourself in the back of your head, and grin, because she is totally allowed there from now on.

I find a feel much worse about myself if I start dreaming of other men, (except for you of course )so I dont get so bent out of shape when he is in my dreams anymore.



I hope these breakthroughs are the sounds of ropes hitting the floor! Drop the R rope people!

I had a dream about my wife last night, The very first one I can remember since this all began. She was holding my hand on her lap at a barbecue and then she put her arm around my back. That's pretty risque for a man hasn't physically touch his wife in almost 3 months.

That's an interesting thought Mona re: anxiety and guilt. I definitely wake up with anxiety over depression. There's a calming down period that's needed rather than a building up period on the mornings after I've dreamed of her.

I don't beat myself up as much as find it curious as to why she's still in there. Truth be told, my IC is a Jungian analyst so he asks me to ask for guidance through my dreams and I try to pay attention to them. Even the batchit crazy ones!

Had dinner last night with a female friend last night, who let me know that if things are "fully over" with my W that she's ready to "fill the void" as she said. I went from calm, cool, and collected to a fumbling fool in about a millisecond, and then felt like I was having a panic attack and cheating on my W. I told her I wasn't ready yet but appreciated the offer.

I may need to reach out to rd and have him make me a CD set on how to be cool post D. I felt like a 14 year old last night and wonder what effect DB'ing has on our ability to date. My sense is that since we're being honest and in touch with our feelings that we don't start dating earlier than we're ready, or use sex as a panacea.

PP

OMG I feel like the MWD police are going to swoop in and shot me off the board today, because everything I want to say is just anti-DB'ing, even though it really really is DB'ing.

I am supposed to say "Dont date!" There, done. Dont mind the real thoughts running around in my head.

Actually, if you do start dating, it will make your life unbelievably more complicated. You may come to a point where you cant R your M because you just dont have it in you to hurt the feelings of your new fling. And that is one step away from being an a new M you dont really want.

That sounded so believable! Probably because it is true. But if I were in your shoes I would not have had the strength. I have no idea how the heck you made it out of there alive.

Wait, I do know how. Love.

OMG your W is so freakin lucky!

So, as ive posted a few times, I'm starting to brave back out into the dating world. And you know what? I have found that I'm way "better" at it than I expected. I'm a better listener, I'm not over-pursuing, I'm a better empathized, I'm more confident. And so on. I actually FEEL like by going through this that I AM the prize that the woman should fight for.

With that said, I haven't actually touched any of these women yet. I have absolutely NO CLUE how I will react once it reaches that point.

^^^^^2

Hi PP Lesson No 1. Be yourself. If this woman is interested then that's a really nice ego boost and treat it as such. Your not into an R right now and the lady knows that so be PP ( 2.0) Use your new tools to be a friend with this lady

Lesson No 2. Enjoy someone else's company , listen to who they really are and realise that you are worthy of someone's time and caring

Lesson No 3. Don't let this develop into anything more than what you want it be. We hear a lot of how easy an A is to fall into and with recent events with W , cool needs to be kept

No more lessons as I'm far from qualified to teach anyway. I'm really pleased for you because it's so easy to feel that another R would be impossible and yet here you are with a lady very interested.

Take care brother Rd