Tonight after the R talk was so much better than the previous 3 weeks put together.
Lots of talking initiated by her and me. Physical closeness when sorting through items in S8 room - It was really hard not to try and kiss her touch her.
Later she made us both dinner - first time in 2 weeks. we talked about subjects other than the boys and their schedule.
She later caught me closing down a website page quickly in the office and said in a jokey way ' See you close stuff down whenever i walk into this room!' I said it was a video game which she doesnt like me playing.
She showed me her new leather jacket to replace one which was worn out.
All in all a good day.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
The venue was closed for refurb and by the time I had found out the new temporary venue the beginners lesson was over.
I'll go next Monday instead.
W still asked me where I went. This GAL is for me but it would be great to surprise her with a few salsa moves in a few weeks/ months.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Possible EA in my head all night. Slept for 2 hours.
Had to work today while W takes kids to a theme park with other mums.
I am convinced W either has an EA with a real or imaginary person. I will talk with her again tonight about this.
Either way its tough love from now on.
Also weddings rings off again today - bad bad day.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Possible EA in my head all night. Slept for 2 hours.
I get this, really I do. You need to focus that energy on you!
I am convinced W either has an EA with a real or imaginary person. I will talk with her again tonight about this.
Why, what will you gain. She will either lie to you or just become defensive and turn it around on you trying to control her. If you want to set a boundary, fine...set it and be damned ready to follow through with protecting yourself. This is the fundamental that you need to think about here.
Are you doing this for her to stop what she is doing. The deal is...she has to decide to stop. threats and ultimatums are not going to work. Your wife needs to decide that she wants to spend the rest of her life with you. PERIOD. THAT IS IT. THAT IS THE ONLY WAY YOUR MARRIAGE WILL EVER BE SAVED.
Ultimatums and threats will only arouse more resentment and rebellion within your wife. You need to be able to calmly speak your boundaries and be ready to carry out what you have decided you are going to do if these boundaries are violated.
Please READ and RE-READ the Boundaries Threads and then come back here when you are ready to come up with things to post.
Either way its tough love from now on.
Also weddings rings off again today - bad bad day.
wedding ring is tough, but please stop focusing on that, it is something that will only cause you harm. PLEASE focus on the things that you can control.
W put wedding band back on after she came home, but no engagement ring. Probably just for my benefit. Both were in a box in a draw.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Our previous dynamic is to settle down on sofa to watch mutually agreeable TV shows like Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, or Homeland.
W wanted to watch Homeland. She asked me earlier if I wanted to watch it after kids were in bed....I mumbled ok.
Then after kids in bed I approached her and said I didn't want to watch it. And retired to the office. She mumbled fine! As in have it your way. Then she asked if I wanted cup of tea and I said no, it's too late, I don't like to drink tea after 9.
She waltzed off to lounge on her own.
It took a lot to break this dynamic. I could feel myself turning knots inside as I 'upset' her in this very small way.
All I want to do is hold and cuddle her not upset her. Tough love is tough.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
She then looked p@ssed off when I went to bed 20 mins later saying 'Have I done something '
I was tempted to reply ' Yes! You've taken off yr wedding rings and bailed on our marriage!'
I bit my lip.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
W slept in and got up a little perturbed. She said she hadnt slept well and last night was a bit weird.
She was dressed in gym gear so I suggested she go for a run to wake up.
i then got on with finishing the decorating in S8 room and said btw I am going out tonight from 7-8:30. She asked about dinner and I said I would get my own.
SHe asked if I wass going to see my IC? I said no. She hung around me and eventually asked why I was being so mysterious. I just said I was going running with the running club.
She relaxed a little as this is something I've done before but not for a few years as Ive had running injuries and cycling takes up a lot of my GAL time.
I then told her I would be out Mondays and Tuesday evenings from now on. She again wouldnt ask me outright why but I eventually said I was taking up Salsa ( I know I shouldnt have said it but I did).
She asked why and I said to 'learn something new''I thought I could do it and meet new people'.. Again she looked reflective and perturbed.
The thought of me 'moving on' had hit her? Last night and now this?
She became very talkative about other stuff and hung around the room I was decorating.
Detaching like this feels good: I will not hang around where she is and will get on with my life. Lets see how she reflects on this.
Last edited by isittoolate; 10/28/1509:51 AM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
