Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers still havent heard from my wife

so she just txt me again,

im sorry but ive been txt you all week and your short notice interfered with my plans. however we can set something up for next week.

she is trying to manipulate me again.

" and i dont want to meet at a starbucks . what I told you was come to an agreement so we can go sign the divorce together so our visitation rights and everything can be determined by a judge faster "


I dont even know what to reply to that :(((

Sorry angel but this doesn't sound like manipulation, it sounds like she tried to get you to commit to a time and you didn't. Then when you gave her one days notice she couldn't meet you but told you when she could.

Remember she's got her own experience happening here.

Angel, I think in order to resolve the visitation arrangements for your kids, you'll need to be able to link constructively with your W. Your recent posts don't read like you're doing that. To me, it sounds pretty straightforward. She is agreeing that you can meet and you are making some arrangements. You seem to be reading things into her messages and it seems that she can't do right for doing wrong in your eyes here.

I understand that you're hurt and angry. But I think you need to get yourself and your sitch to a point of stability where you can coparent constructively and see your D's...rebuild some trust. But your recent posts are so full of anger and mistrust, and I don't even see what it is from her that you are reacting to?

I am sorry mate...

My hunch is telling me that you played into her hand. And she got what she was looking for, written proof that she offered to talk, but you shot her down. Well never mind. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off.

The key is to be proactive. I think the best idea would be to offer 3 time slots to your wife, when it suits you, pref. in the first half of the week, but on different days. Send it ASAP.

Angel, you have so much to work on and my initial suspicions about there being much more to what you were saying are now confirmed by those messages you have posted.

manipulation, manipulation, manipulation
You keep calling out her manipulation of you but all I see is you manipulation her. YOU MANIPULATING HER, did you read that? I know you did but I highly doubt your listening. BD usually wakes us up to being able to see our own problems but you seem cemented in them still. You continue to place all the blame on her instead of actually looking at your own role in things. Worse, you use your sudden movement toward God to seem morally superior to her and then attack her, trying to guilt what shes doing. Don't think for a second that because shes the one leaving the M and going against God wishes that your actions are consistent with what God wants from us. I despise those that use religion in the way you are right now.

You tell us this story of whats happened but then it goes against whats actually happening. You tell us shes not let you see the kids in over a month but then we find out you attempted to guilt her when she did. You tell us shes abusing them but then when it might push her away suddenly its not an issue.

Ill stop now because I could go on and on. Your thread honestly infuriates me for many reasons. I wish I could hit you with a real 2x4 to wake you up. You don't see why shes left(I can start seeing why), but continue to focus on what shes done wrong instead of actually doing REAL work on yourself. (Don't think going to God and realizing you weren't' there emotionally for her is enough) Get your [censored] together before you lose your D's also. You still have the chance to turn everything around but not if you continue to act the way you have.

Guys understand me that she kept the girls away for 6 weeks. She didnt give a $%$# if they didnt see me. I am sure my 9 month daughter is able to stand now, and i missed it. Now that she just wants the easy way out in order to divorce she wants to come to agreement for visitation? No! I am not playing her game anymore. I waited patiently all this 6 weeks and all i got was me getting depressed, she is treating me like a disposable object and throwing me to the trash, someone that doesnt have feelings. The reason i didnt want to meet was because i dont trust her anymore. I have my meeting with my lawyer today. I want my rights as a father, the legal way, not her way.

A lot of what I already would say is said. But Ill add my thoughts in blue.

so this friday before entering the retreat she txt me thi
"are you going to want to sit down adn come to an agreement for the girls sake or not? so we can determine when your visitation will be and get this over with? this is the last time im going to ask you.my only condition is if we meet you do not come on to me strictly about the kids only.
This isnt the nicest or most civil text, but I think the message is clear. She wants to arrange a system for you to be able to see your girls. She wants it to be about you and your time with them.

i didnt txt until saturday night, i txt her this
"I appreciate you concerning for the girls sake 6 weeks later. Right off the bat, you attack her? Why would you be at a disagreement on this? She is trying to arrange for YOU to see YOUR KIDS. Which is what youve been upset about this whole time.

right now im finding myself and most importantly im building a relationshiop with the Lord. so i can be the best father they have ever had.
So you are going to be the "best father" by foregoing the chance to see them?

funny thing is you have that sand footprint tatoo in your fee and thats what he just told me, he has been carrying me all this time and ive never been alone.
So, her text is about the business of arranging visitation, and you start talking about her tattoo....?

jesus is amazing. we will determine my visitation for the girls soon. right now im investing in the lord so i can be the best father for the best interest in the girls. so it wont be when ever you decide to meet, it will be im ready, God bless you.
As others said, she extended the olive branch, and you shot it down. I AGREE that you need to work on yourself. But in lieu of your R with your W. NOT INSTEAD OF SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN.


soon after that she replies
"once again im tying to move forward with this in the most civilized and positive way and your respond with you negativity and think its positive because you disguise it with the lord? i have had the children these past 6 weeks and i attempted to let you speak to them and you didnt behave positively which is why i didnt allow you to speak to them ( lies, i just told her she needed help) Instead continued to harrass me and have others contact me as well. but thtats fine if you want to continue to be absent and not step up as a father in a positive matter tahts on you. i tried. you always said that if i told you i w anted things to end you would be civilized and that hasnt been the case at all. i hope you understand that God has nothing to do with all the legal matters we need to take care of.
Im not going to get into it about your faith. Thats not my place. But as I said before, I think you are presenting a very one sided overview of your relationship here, and I dont think its the whole story. While her texts are hurtful and theres a decent amount of spew in there, I do think she is trying to be civil and understanding.

so i answer her this
you also told me you are weak when it comes to hard times and you alwasy run. you run from your problems. But yet im still here fighting.
Fighting for....what....exactly? It sounds to me like you are fighting to be [color:#CC0000]RIGHT. To be declared "Most Virtuous" or something. It does not sound like you are fighting for whats best for your family.[/color]

i will not let you ruin my day after spending the weekend with the Lord. I ask you kindly to take your negativity with you. You will no longer disrespect me. yes you saying im hiding me hiding the lords is an insult.. Its a shame what decidfullness has let you to be. if only you would accept Jesus in your life that would be for the interest of our girls. but only you can make that decision not me.
Sigh. Its not about you and her right now. It's. About. You. And. Your. Children.

she answer this to close it.
"ok im not going back and forth with you. i understand that youre going through some sort of awakening so dont worry ill resolve this on my own like always.
And, here is the not so surprising result.


I really am sorry that you are going through all of this, angel. It's probably the worst thing that you will experience. But, you arent making things easier on yourself. Thats for sure. Im not exactly sure what you are trying to do, but I cant imagine that you are progressing towards any of your goals.

More blue!

Guys understand me that she kept the girls away for 6 weeks. She didnt give a $%$# if they didnt see me.
Not necessarily true. From what Im reading, it isnt that she didnt care. It's that she was worried about your actions and reactions. It sounds like you have done nothing but harass her since she left.

I am sure my 9 month daughter is able to stand now, and i missed it.
But Friday, she just offered you a chance to see them, and you turned it down.

Now that she just wants the easy way out in order to divorce she wants to come to agreement for visitation? No! I am not playing her game anymore.
Im sorry, but its not a game. This is real life. And I dont know, but I think youre really putting your future rights in jeopardy right now with your actions.

I waited patiently all this 6 weeks and all i got was me getting depressed,
So, let's say youre at the deli counter. And you wait an hour. Finally, they call your number. And you go up to them and say "your service [censored], Im not waiting here anymore. Im going to another store." How does that make any sense at all? How does that get you what you want?

she is treating me like a disposable object and throwing me to the trash, someone that doesnt have feelings.
Yes. I agree. But what does that have to do with seeing your children?

The reason i didnt want to meet was because i dont trust her anymore. I have my meeting with my lawyer today. I want my rights as a father, the legal way, not her way.
But why on earth would you not sit down and understand what she is offering. Why start a fight you might not even need to have? All that youve done is put her squarely opposite you. Youre trying to play poker when she already knows the cards in your hand!

my plan is to do it right. Do it the legal way and it will be for sure that i will have a court order to see my girls. I have always done her way. Her way or the highway. I am done with that. Today i meet with my lawyer to get everything started.