Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Yesterday's gone. Tomorrow's not here.

If you ask me? When you dont care what the result is.


Ok, in my opinion, there are two ways she replies:
1) No reply
2) "Fine"
Then what will you do or say?

Thanks Azzork for playing along with me. When I 100% don't care what the result is... hmmm... I'll have to think about that one, that could be a very long time.

If it is no reply that is fine. No problem. that's easy

If the response was just 'fine' and nothing else.. welp that is tougher... then I would let it go at that. Temp would be too cold for anything further I think.

Asking a question is not a one-way text, that is pressure. You offer a piece of information, "fyi" or say something like, "thinking about you, hope you are doing well". And you DO NOT expect a response.

Thanks flight... Didn't realize that could be seen as pressure. I never expect a response, no prob there, trust me. Darn it... So I guess I messed up a bit. Anyway she did respond... It wasn't positive or negative, just neutral. Just a few txts and I let her send the last one without me responding. So I dunno... I think it was ok.

So do you feel better?

Do you feel you gained anything by sending those messages? Worth breaking 3 months of NC?

Actually... Azzork... I do. It was time to change something up a little bit. I thought about it a lot before I sent it. What was the goal here? The goal was going to happen. All I wanted was to be brought to the fore front of her mind. I don't feel like I did any damage. Now I just sit back and see if anything comes of it and I go back to the status quo.

Well, I'm glad you feel better. I hate this as a reason to do something though. Just to change something? Seems like aimless activity, but that's just my opinion.


Yes, I suppose if she answered you, then it means that she thought about you. You didn't post the texts, so I don't really know. I'm just guessing that it wasn't necessarily in a positive light. I guess time will tell.

Either way, glad you're posting and having the discussion before just acting!

I think sometimes changing things up is a good reason to act. But to each their own.

The texts weren't negative and they weren't positive, pretty neutral. Not disappointing, not exciting. I'll post it roughly here, I deleted them right away... though I did ask questions (I didn't think about the impact of that until I saw Flights message).

ME (8:30PM): How goes? (my typical speak)
HER (9:30 AM): Hey...how are you??
(I am going to assume that the lag was just because she had bad cell service. I kid, I kid....)
ME(4:00 PM): I'm good, I'm good... just got told I have to go to Taiwan next month... ugh... anyway... I was just wondering how you are doing since we haven't talked in a while.
(I had to say something to make it seem more normal and that was the first thing that came to mind)
HER: UGH.... that [censored]!!... i'm doing ok.

That's it... I left it at that.

I might have just tried:

YOU: Was just throwing away old pictures of you Hope you are doing well.. KIDDING! ... Real possible start: "Had a great time out at [her favorite dinner place] the other night, reminded me of that time [fill in the blank]. Hope you are doing well (you went there without her???)
HER: Hey...how are you??
YOU: Great! Always on the go. Getting ready to travel.
HER: Oh? Where?
YOU: Asia. GTG, Take care!

Just my critique, take it for what it's worth

ME (8:30PM): How goes? (you are expecting a response. She is now pressured to answer you. She may be thinking, "Ah, he is missing me and trying to feel me out)

HER (9:30 AM): Hey...how are you?? (not bad, maybe she cares, maybe she feels rude not responding)

ME(4:00 PM): I'm good, I'm good... just got told I have to go to Taiwan next month... ugh... anyway... I was just wondering how you are doing since we haven't talked in a while.

(TMI. not confident. Like Sean Connery in Hunt for Red October, make it "One Good Only..." He said "one ping only"... never mind Make her think you are doing great without her! Maybe change it to "Great!" or "Really good!". The second part is passive, "I have to go...". Take charge, you ARE GOING you are a businessman, you plan your life, you are no ones lacky!
She knows you haven't talked in a while. You don't miss her, you aren't tracking the time. Events reminded you of her and you were just wishing her well.

HER: UGH.... that stinks!!... i'm doing ok.

Anyway, it seemed like a decent interaction.

Thanks flight... You know I had much of that same critique of myself. ah well... Live and learn