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You strike me as a nice, decent sort of regular guy who loves his family and kids and you're just hurting a lot. Everything is raw so every unmet expectation or snub hurts...like having 3rd degree burns...even the wind blowing causes pain. I know how that is.

That's why we have to work on ourselves. We need to heal up and get our skin a little tougher. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with being sensitive about things that are supposed to hurt...it just means we have to learn how to "play with a little pain" as my coaches used to say.

It's ok to hurt. It's supposed to hurt. We just can't let it keep us from job #1.

You're right tl2. It's just another expectation I guess. I wish there was a quick detach button on me! Gonna enjoy these boys and go shoot paint at them now!

Awesome. One important GAL thing is not to miss out on good times with the kids while this is going on. And they especially need their dad now more than ever.

Hang in there, bro!

Had a blast with 13 kids and 4 dads. Very competitive, tons of fun. Nobody cried!

Got away from my problems for a while. Still bummed. Still hopeful. Still need to let go. I feel like it's a step closer, not close to there yet though.

Keep on truckin, I guess

D, I understand. There is a party tonight I am not allowed to attend with H. He says he would feel extremely uncomfortable with me there, because of all he's been saying about me.

So, like you, I'm still hopeful, yet still feel bummed. So tonight, I'm spending the time fleshing out my personal goals using DR as a reference.

I think the key is spending less time thinking about her, and more time thinking about developing you. Even if things look like they're headed in the right direction, it won't be fast, and it won't be easy. Use this time to get as much of the self work out of the way as you can. If you get to the point of couple work in the future, you'll be so much better off if you're not having to work on both at the same time.

You're doing so many things right. There is still more you can do. Get focused on yourself for now. Read DR again. I guarantee you will be able to find something you can do. It really helps!

I will start reading DR again. It can't hurt! I am going to a Halloween party, that I will only know 2 people at. But, it is a good opportunity to get out of my comfort zone, and be social.

I have noticed that I am a lot more personable and joke around a lot more now than I have in years. So there is a 180, that was completely unintentional and positive. I played football with the boys until my ride was leaving the party. It was fun and nice. I actually missed all these little dudes while I was in exile.

I am noticing more changes in me. Ones that I hadn't conciously been working on. I have a better temper with everyone now. Less grumpy. More outgoing. Like I am coming out of my shell a bit.

Wish me luck tonight. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone!

Hoping the best for you all

Good luck! Have fun tonight.

I'm grateful today:

Went to the Halloween party. Had a good time, talked to some new people, and was told I was welcome back at any time. Very good feeling.

Wool socks when it's chilly out! One of my favorite parts of fall/winter.

Going to dinner with sister and BIL tonight.

_______________________________

Had fun last night. Friends are awesome. Laughed a lot. Crashed on the couch at buddies MIL house. Felt very welcome.
Buddies W used a 2x4 on me, telling me that she thinks I will still let W cake eat. Telling me to focus more. Told me that their boys went and spent the night with S8. Said my wife was complaining about money, and the cost of things. Said she wore the big sunglasses the whole time they talked. (She never let's anyone see her eyes anymore, always had on sunglasses). Found out she was making comments about my FB page, (Nothing bad, but she is looking). Said she was acting very weird. At least I know the changes are noticed by others now. What it means, who knows... 0%of what they say 50% of what they do.

Trying to have no expectations, so she can't let me down. Holding out a bit of hope, but GAL seems to be picking up speed too. Being occupied should help!

Dude sounds like you're rocking it. Remember these things when you're in a low feeling. You will look back one day and be glad for every thing you overcome.

And just as importantly if not a little more, your kids see it, know, and get comfort from your steadfastness.

You are right tl2. One thing that I want to be better at, and teach the boys, is to be completely self sufficient. Not that they or I can't get help when needed, just not be CD. Be strong, happy with themselves, play the hand they are dealt to the best of their ability.

It is not selfish to go after what you want, as long as it doesn't cost somebody else or hurt someone. Selfish is doing something, no matter the cost. Sorry, venting a bit