Yeah but I don't FEEL happy I feel like a better person, a wiser person and a more independent person. Not a happy person...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
No way azz, I appriciate the thoughts more than you will ever know.
No, I have not always relied on her for happiness. That is why I don't understand why I feel like a shell of myself now?
Almost everybody I see tells me how happy I seem since she left. But deep down, I know that I've been trying to fake it until I make it... I do have good days, I have bad days. But overall my life just feels blah. I've been faking it so long that I feel like a fake when I look in the mirror. I wear a smile but it's not a real one.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
A lot more bad, things have settled down a bit on the "drama" and "bs" fronts. I guess you could say back then I was in panick mode. Every little thing got to me. Every move cut like a knife. Now those things either don't happen or don't bother me as much as they once did. BUT I still feel like a shell of myself. The anxiety is way down. The nerves have settled. I just have to get over the happy hurdle yet.
PS. I changed my handle before you registered
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Uphill, you feel like a shell of a person because being in limbo for an extended period of time has that affect. I am convinced that although we DB'ers are doing the right thing, it take a huge emotional toll. It would be so much more satisfying to just get really angry and fight it out, you'd get lots of family and friends to rally around you and support you, but it is exhausting to take the higher ground and it can wear you down.
It doesn't mean you are codependent, or not a whole person. It means you are walking through hell right now, but you will walk through it, you will come out on the other side at some point. And you can decide at any time that this is the day you are done, you can decide at any time that you need to adjust your strategy to incorporate more self care, more GAL, whatever it takes to improve your mental wellbeing. I was feeling stuck and Avanti made me realize it was time to reread DR and write down my goals. That helped. Whatever it takes to get you through this.
A lot more bad, things have settled down a bit on the "drama" and "bs" fronts. I guess you could say back then I was in panick mode. Every little thing got to me. Every move cut like a knife. Now those things either don't happen or don't bother me as much as they once did. BUT I still feel like a shell of myself. The anxiety is way down. The nerves have settled. I just have to get over the happy hurdle yet.
Youll get there. Keep finding things that make you happy, and youll have minutes or hours or days where you feel happy. The it will grow to weeks. Then youll think "huh. why am I UNhappy now?"
Originally Posted By: Uphill
PS. I changed my handle before you registered
Yeah. I was reading on here many months before I registered.
Thanks for stopping by photoka! I appriciate all who help me!
Last edited by Uphill; 10/21/1508:33 PM.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I was feeling stuck and Avanti made me realize it was time to reread DR and write down my goals. That helped. Whatever it takes to get you through this.
Agreed - it's never bad to start over from the beginning.
Maybe I will dust that book of and give it another go. That will keep me occupied for a few nights.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I feel like a better person, a wiser person and a more independent person. Not a happy person...