Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis XH contacts kids:any thoughts

Sounds like the words of an alcohic/addict. It's a terrible thing to wake up and face all the havoc your addiction has caused in your life and the lives of loved ones. I think it's a big factor that keeps people in their addictions.....the cleanup is so hard to face.

That sounds like a brave and genuine message from her Dad to me. And I'm glad for her if that's the case - though it may have been hard to read. I would encourage her to respond in a positive way if she feels able, and to keep that channel open for him. Some of what he said reminded me of Lou R's H. He knows what he would like to do - but there is a lot of stuff that needs working through first.

Take care xx

Thank You Kml and Sotto..

My D did reply
she told him that she understands and IF/when he is ready to talk ,he can text his number
she told him to just take care of himself until then

So even if she never speaks with him, at least we/she got a heart felt apology
and validation that it wasn't her fault

Thats something I never thought any of us would get

Thanks for listening
Peace

I agree. It also sounds like somebody who is scared to approach those he hurt.

Addict or not, it took a lot to even do that much.

Hopefully it's not the last she's heard from him.


AJ

I have to say that it does sound like he's scared or hesitant to have much contact w/his daughter for fear of her rejecting him. The message does sound genuine and I'm very proud of the way that your daughter worded her reply.

In time, when he sees that she is not going to reject him or chastise him for his behavior, he may very well become braver and begin texting w/her. I hope and pray that he will stay in touch w/her.

Hi Peace,

I don't have much time to post, but wanted to say I'm thinking of you and your kids. We are in very similar situations. My exH was a former member of N.A. The OW is an addict on disability for psych issues.

We are nearing the 4-year-mark. His M.O. is to go M.I.A. He still sends our youngest daughter erratic text messages, but she ignores them because--though they seem sincere--they are never backed up with any action or effort to see her. He comes out of the fog occasionally with regret, but doesn't take action.

It's so painful to watch. Last time I saw him, at our final divorce hearing in August, he looked like death. Our oldest daughter asked him if he had cancer. So sad. Thinking of you. I know how hard it is when they return briefly to the land of the living.

Much Love,

Heather

Thank you Lois, Job and AJM

I am just grateful that he sent an apology
Im trying to keep my expectations low b/c this could be the last of it

Im still kind of shocked he even came this far

Its been a full 6 years of No contact…nothing…not one word

Wow Peacetoday ,
So happy for your D on getting an apology. So important the validation to her that it wasn't her fault. We all know it's not anyone's fault but the MLC'r.

I hope her dad continues this path and eventually you receive a heartfelt apology as well.

You are a strong woman to even let this happen and open old wounds. Your D sounds very grounded and if her father was there during the last few years she might not of turned out so level headed as she is today.

She's more mature and can deal with her dad a lot better now'.

Againg congrats on the appology to your daughter
:-)

Thank you Irish

Your are right
I didn't realize it until today but it did rip open the wounds again

I have almost felt like it was another lifetime ago ,when I got the bomb
how hard it was
and how much I wanted to keep my M
and today I felt right there again as if It just happened
filled with unresolved grief that I thought I let go of 6 years ago

obviously, there is still some leftover pain,that I probably stuffed a long time ago

I also feel bad for him

and I still want resolution
I want control of this story and how it should end

I have to finish the grief work so I can really let go-its out of my hands

Thanks

Looked at their FB page

OW wife and xh have together
still its mostly her
No further contact from xh to D

they have 1 friend only my D
OW posts a pic of her D
18 yrs old smoking , ripped jeans with a few tattoos

I think about how my D must feel
It hurt me to even see it
I think NO contact is better
I feel bad that my XH who was very straight laced to see him pulled into this type of life

My xh makes me feel worse about him that he has no guts
or integrity
but allows OW to boast about her obviously confused D for my D to see
or continues to wear blinders to the hurt they continuously cause
Thanks