Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers LBH w/ a WW trying to save my M (2)

UGH! I've spoke with an attorney twice but looks like I'll need to contact them again.

I started documenting nights D4 chooses to sleep with me instead of WW on Aug 30th which shows with me 35/45 days and I was out of town 4 of those nights. The only time she sleeps with WW is when I'm out of town or not home until late.

One thing that does confuse me a little.....she changed the password for her personal email (it sends a notification to our combined email). She then used our combined email to email the mediator. I believe she wanted me to see it and is trying to get a reaction out of me.

That's just nuts and scary but unfortunately a typical tactic of a WW. Sometimes they get advice to make up false domestic violence charges from their divorced "friends" or even an attorney. It's a very dirty trick, but speaks to the mindset of a wayward.

Protect yourself immediately. That means you carry a VAR (Voice Activated Recorder) in your pocket at all times. They can be found online for under $40, and will record conversations, which can be used to verify actual events and conversations if you need to defend yourself to the police or a court. I would also avoid all physical contact with your W, unless you are in public or have reliable adult witnesses who can testify. Not sure how you manage this while living in the same house, but you need to avoid her as much as possible. Definitely do not touch her in any way, even if it's just brushing past in a hallway. I've even heard of WW's who draw the H into an argument, then give themselves bruises or scratches as "proof" that they were abused. You can't trust her at all right now. I would be talking to an attorney ASAP and taking action to get HER to leave the house. At this point, it's almost a given that one of you two is moving out. Don't let her have the upper hand.

Good advice. I've often used my phone to record her and have some very abusive recordings of her being verbally abusive to both our D4 and me. I called child protective services but they said they really couldn't do anything unless there was physical abuse. I have a recording of her hitting me too.

Her XH also documents which nights the S14 and S12 stay with us vs stay with him. They have been with him so often that he stopped paying child support in January. I may be able to get a copy of the last couple months and just say I documented them. I'm not sure if showing that D4 prefers to be with me and S14/S12 prefer to be with their dad would swing things in my favor or not. I'm sure it can't hurt.

Be very careful here.

You don't want to come across to a judge as being on a witch hunt and using your daughter as a means to punish your wife for her immoral behavior. The judge will see right through it.

A judge always rules "in the best interests of the child". And a child needs both parents.

Your main objective from here on out is to be as calm as possible. Do not react, at all. Even when she starts throwing outrageous allegations at you. Calm. Calm is your friend.

Thank you Thornton,
My anxiety is pretty high right now but it's coming down.

I thoughts were
1. showing proof that she wouldn't be moving 3 kids into an apartment. D4 prefers to be me and S14/S12 prefer to be with their dad- would this help keep D4 and I in the house?

2. if she claims abuse or domestic violence to be able to protect myself by proving she is the assaulter and instigator of any hostility.

You really need to speak with an attorney to clarify your concerns. We can give you advice based on personal experience but the laws vary so much that you need to get an expert who is fluent with your situation and location. You're likely going to end up splitting custody 50/50 on your D4, at least initially, but what you want to avoid is letting WW have 100%, which is what she will get if she can get an abuse charge on your record. Be very careful - I would try to stay out of the house as much as possible while she's there, or at least lock yourself in a room. Your W is your enemy right now and seems willing to go to any lengths to get her way.

^^^Yep

Your anxiety is what will cause you to make mistakes if you aren't careful.

In Colorado, during disputes like this, the judge will order a Child Family Investigator. This person interviews the parents and the child and provides a recommendation to the judge.

Make sure you do not argue with W or do anything in front of D4. Not sure what state you live in, but if its like Colorado, they will talk to your D4. You do not need D4 telling them that daddy yells at mommy or anything of that nature.

The sooner you talk to an atty, the better.

And no.. a Judge will not really take into consideration which parent the child wants to be with (or who the child sleeps with for that matter). The child needs both parents equally.

Thank you Thornton, I'm in Colorado too. Need to try to remember to look at the beautiful place I live on a regular basis.
Have my first DB coaching session in 20 minutes. Looking forward to it.

I agree and have been spending a lot of time away and in the master bedroom. I don't see her much but need a voice activated recorder. A CFI would be bad for WW. D4 often says "why is mommy always mad at you?" " Why is mommy always yelling at you"
"Let's not talk to mommy" "Don't let mommy in our room"

It breaks my heart.