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Oh no, do not agree to her coming in and out of your home. She is living with the OM. I'd dare say there is another reason behind it, b/c the WW is usually extremely manipulative and selfish with EVERYTHING connected to the LBH.

"When she sent pics of our son I could see OM beside my son to the side and anger and sadness flooded. It got to me for couple days then felt better". See what I mean?

[/color]I see exactly what you mean. I'm allowing her interactions based on her manipulation of the situation negatively affect me. I need to put even better boundaries in place.[color:#3333FF]

" I just wonder as W has moved on at what point I really move forward. I've given myself timeline Jan 2016 to decide as I focus on myself and time with S2. W seems happy, is a good mom since she is past her rebellious phase, so steady as she goes".

What makes you think she's past her rebellious stage?

[/color]the reason I think she's past that stage is her demeanor before I brought up friends subject vs after. Before, she would ignore me putting her headphones listening to music. She would spew a bit here and there ( but there was never very angry spew from her ). Would buy accessories, new clothes, go out and party, and largely neglect our S2. The last time I witnessed this activity was the night I brought up friends subject. Since then she's been nicer to me, doing more things with S2, doesn't ignore me and responds to me ( if I have ever needed to contact her around S2, etc. which is minimal on my end now ). As I think further is she really past her rebellious stage? Probably not. I likely have a filter the way I see things and not reality. I mean she's still with OM, living with him, and minimal contact. To be honest I don't care what she gets up to now nor do I really care. So she could still be acting out on her own, but I wouldn't know. All I can say is she is nicer in communication with me now but also likely for a different motive of hers which I need to be careful.[color:#3333FF]

The sooner you move forward, the better. Obviously, you are still emotionally attached, so you may need to come up with a method of less texting. Your WW is wanting the best of both worlds, and that's why she is texting & sending photos of S2. She is keeping you emotionally invested by any means she knows will work. Crazy, I know. You would wonder why, since she is living with OM. It is that part of the WW that makes you wonder about her sanity. She fired you as her H, but she wants you available to her.......in case she needs a Pan B.

[/color]this is so true! Although I've acted as if I'm moving on she may still not believe it. I never said I don't want to be plan B which I should have. She probably thinks I'm waiting ( mind reading here ) so we need to communicate less for sure. So she can feel that loss as well, and so I can focus on me with thinking of her less while she's with OM. Easy to say and hard to do so I need to get better at this.[color:#3333FF]

" I feel better with less communication with her, but still think and dream of her often. I know this will pass and at least my downs don't last as long. This is a journey and a tough one at that.". Yes it will pass, but until you completely detach, it will continue to be tough.

You know how it feels when we lose a loved one in death. We have to mourn. At some point, we have to move forward b/c life goes on. We don't stop loving that person, or missing them. Depending on the individual, we may need to be proactive in getting stronger by avoiding things we know will cause us to stay in a constant state of mourning. Such as, staying at the cemetery every day, keeping their personal items in view all the time, looking through family albums everyday, etc. Yes, we may need to do those things when we first lose them, but eventually, we have to go forward. Sometimes, we have to force ourselves to continue living, and if that means packing their personal things......then we do it in order to get stronger. Then later, having a picture of them setting out, won't crush us as much as it originally did.

[/color]so true here as well. I know I've mourned our relationship and have told her that one is finished. But I haven't mourned her as my W which I realize I need to. Focusing on GAL, myself, S2 helps greatly as I think about her less now. I know I'm almost 6 months into my S now, and I'm in a much better place now from the wreck I was when BD happened. She won't file for D and she doesn't want to at this point. I can't hold on forever so giving this until new year focusing on me and working on he above detachment.

Thank you so much as I'm always wondering whether the present course I'm on is right for me. I know hard to tell but this is a marathon and not a sprint so I need patience. [color:#3333FF]


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Journaling:

Well weekend left as quickly as arrived! I had S2 for the entire weekend and couldn't be happier! On Saturday, I got him dressed in his costume and took him to an event in town. Had a blast. Was planning on staying around the neighborhood and take him out trick or treating (an attempt anyway) and then a friend messaged me if I wanted to go over to his neighborhood and take his kids and my S2 out? We all had a great time and S2 learned very quickly how to get candy and didn't want to stop as he got the hang of it.

Sunday was more peaceful around the house and just had fun playing and being a dad which is such a wonderful gift.

Through this all, I thought of my WW very little and no interactions of any sort. At one point though I thought of sending her pics of S2 dressed up for Halloween and going trick or treating.... but I decided not to which I'm happy about.

Had some strange dreams Sat and Sun about WW and OM. OM was very successful and was providing stable long-term security and WW was happy...as if the perfect R..... and I was on the outside looking in on that R.... very weird.

Oh well busy week at work and each day I spend with S2 I feel so greatful. Will strive for the little to no communication with WW which I'm feeling better and better about now.

Good job with S2. They may have the "terrible twos", but they can be so cute at that age!

Thank you Sandi. He is definitely awesome to be with and so much fun even during his "terrible twos" which doesn't seem so terrible to me right now

Journaling

Well still no contact which is great. WW texts something about S2 after she picked him up from school ( our drop and pick up point so WW and I don't run into each other ). As she asks a question about if he hurt himself over weekend, I wait until after my martial arts class (Awesome new GAL I picked up July!) and briefly respond not that I'm aware of ( common he's a 2 year old boy, they play hard!) he's been fine and having fun so not sure why she asked. Oh well, broke a week of no contact whatsoever. Clock begins again.

As life progresses I'm noticing the loneliness fading so keeping PMA where I can.

Hello Enigma! Just caught up on your situation. You're in such a great mental place...I am completely in awe! I'm not so great seeing what's right in front of me in my life, but I see far more clearly when it's someone else.

When you said W wanted to know if son got hurt, my first thought was, "oh, no!" If she expected you to get more bent out of shape about OM than you've been showing, she may start some beautiful teenage game-playing. I have seen so many W do this, it makes me sick.

Any bump, bruise, scratch, or red spot gets questioned to feed their need for drama. Never mind that active children get banged up on their own. If she wasn't with him, you either hurt him or let him get hurt. I hope your W doesn't start playing that game. It does nothing but cause really bad feelings. Two is not the "terrible" age....they're still somewhat docile at 2. It's the 3's that are hard. My youngest were identical twin, redheaded boys. I cried a lot from sheer frustration and exhaustion when they were 3. LOL

I'm so envious you have a little one. I loved being mama more than anything. I had no idea how quickly that time was going to fly by.

Hi Ancaire, thanks for stopping by!
It has honestly taken a while to get to an overall place of acceptance of reality. Trust me.... the first few months were brutal and tough... I wasn't detached at all. I'm not there yet either.. but I know this is a journey and I take it day by day to which some are better than others.

One thing I will say is that I've let her situation with OM fuel anger over time, that I've used to propel into self improvement vs. focusing on her. This has been the hardest as I would (and still) think about them. But then I turn around and review what I need to do to make me happy and sometimes almost selfishly. This anger has slowly turned to indifference about the S. But this has been easier since she moved out in September as I don't see her nor communicate with her that often.

I haven't yet caught up on your S but I will later tonight. I know you will get to a good place as none of this is ever easy.

Yeah sometimes my WW wants to be dramatic (she's been that way since I can remember) so I'm always trying to read through what she says because I've played some of these games in the past and usually ended up losing. My son will get hurt from time to time and I understand that... I also know WW can be overprotective so I try not to let her comments get to me. Considering that's her only communication in over a week, I just find it amusing that's what she focuses on. I don't feel any attack or malicious threat from what she says. Can't wait until he's 3 if as hard as I'm hearing!

Identical twins... wow! I can only imagine the frustration and exhaustion. I will not complain about my one haha!

Being a parent is so awesome and yes we cherish all the moments we have through each phase of their life.

Journaling:

Have been great with limited contact via text from WW, but she sent one today. I realize I'm still not detached enough as these texts still get to me. Two in one week, that is a bit much! (j/k)

She's dropping off our cat to the house (which in this case I'm okay with as she watched the animals when I was away for a week last). Also texted about S2 (he's potty training... so she's sending a "reminder" to keep that up as well). I didn't feel the need to respond to either of these so I won't.

I've been thinking about my approach to waiting until Jan 2016 on the path I wish to take. My WW won't file for D as far as I'm aware, considering she is only in this country under my work visa and D would mean she has to leave. She would either have to obtain her own work visa to remain valid or marry OM. I'll continue on the path I am of limited contact and see options in new year, but at some point my patience will expire and I need to ensure I protect myself.

I realize since she's been physically out of the house for over a month, I'm feeling better about me as I continue to focus on me. I've reconnected with old friends who are supportive and whom I'll continue to stay in contact with. The only issue is that none of them are close and are a plane ride away, but technology allows us to chat! These are old friends that I had lost contact with who know my WW and advise that I don't go back to her as they don't believe she will ever change. I wonder if they're right. But then I know if WW wants back to a new R (the old one is gone), there will be much work to do on her end and will take much time if and when they may ever happen. I will continue to grow as I want to and become a better person for me and S2. WW knows where to find me if she changes her mind, but again, the road to MR is not easy and I want to be sure I am at a place of strength within that I would get to decide what I want at that point.

I'm learning who I am at the core and finding out the man I wish to become. I never want to stop learning and love this growth trajectory which is not linear.

Finally buying a new motorcycle (I've never been riding before.. just got my license and took a safety course). Very excited as I've always wanted to ride one.

Get S2 again this weekend so looking forward to it.

Journaling:

Been a while since last post. Nothing really different on interaction with WW. We have only texted since she moved out. No phone conversation nor seeing each other in person for over a month and a half. While I was lonely the first 2 weeks of her moving out, I'm making a life of my own now which is helping.

I texted her yesterday if she could watch S2 next week (one of my days) as I unfortunately have work commitments that evening. She texted back today saying she just found a new job (she's been out of work since end of August). I replied within 30 minutes after noticing she texted me and thanked her for getting back and congratulating her for the new job.

She seems happy based on her texts lately. She's settling into her own life with OM now. If this is her happiness now, then so be it and I wish her well. I realize I have been driven by anger over the situation. But that has faded. I guess all I can do is continue on the path I am. Limited interactions with her while she's consumed with OM (and strictly regarding S2 and logistics).

I keep telling myself she knows where to find me if she ever comes out of the fog, I just have to keep that beacon of light shining.

So I guess all I can really journal about is my life considering don't communicate much with WW. It's sad our lives have split this way, but I'm choosing to make the best of this new life. Looking at the years we were together, I realize I allowed myself to become depressed and negative. My LL is WOA, and over the last several years the nagging crept up and I withdrew. What WW was trying to tell me through nagging was justified as I should have known better and paid attention. I just withdrew...

I want to continue becoming a better person. I will find out the person I'm meant to become. Don't know who that is yet, but will find out.

Things I found I've been changing about myself:
1. Learning to cook meals (still no cooking classes - need to find some!)
2. Being more open with people. The more I do this the more amazing I find which people share stories and their lives back with me, and which do not. If I don't extend myself, I will never know.
3. Picking up hobbies I was always afraid of trying. Getting out of comfort zone is a key ingredient to my growth personally.
4. I still need to get out more socially (I've always been awkward here). My goal is to join at least one meet-up group this month by attending an event.
5. Although number sequence puts this at the top of my list; becoming a better dad. I wasn't as involved as I am now with S2. It's funny, although I get him 50% of the time, I put at least 90% quality time with him. This is more than one I had him 100% of the time. I want our relationship to evolve as he is so awesome.
6. Working on not worrying what people think of me. I always had a fear I had to act a certain way around people for them to like me and to gain respect. This has been very hard for me to get away from as I'm always thinking of how I'm judged. Each day I try to get away from this mindset and be myself. There will be people who like me for who I am, and there will be those that don't. This is okay as I will continue to be me.
7. Work on being comfortable around woman. My WW has been my one and only partner. I've always had a strange fear around woman, and I think it was fear of rejection. I find I'm now becoming more confident and can hold my own without shying away.

Wow... journaling is therapeutic. Thanks for listening to this novel.

Off to Karate soon.

Hi Enigma.
6 and 7 are things I have trouble with. I think it's a self esteem thing. I spose we have to work on things that build our self worth and I think the confidence with come form that.