If I type in a high pitch "voice", can I respond too? If not, stop reading!
From my perspective, what you did was push. I think it probably came across that you were trying to force him to talk about things on your terms. It sounds like he could even have taken it as a lecture.
I just finished "not just friends" too and can relate to how many emotions it stirred up. It sounds to me like you broke off a big chunk of stuff to speak with h about...touchy subject stuff...was the timing and build-up of it "right"?
You said he had just gotten home from work ...
And, I'm ASSuming that he didn't have the head's up that you were reading the book and wanted to talk about it. My h has told me that he feels at a disadvantage when I bring stuff up that I've clearly been thinking about that he has no advance warning of...
Then the talk of roomate
Then the talk of wedding ring and you interpretation
PIB...that's A LOT of topics, no? And all of them BIGGIES, right?
Sounds like h was giving you a strong sign that he was on overload...maybe it was because he felt overwhelmed by your disclosure that you were interpreting the wedding ring thing? (Not saying I wouldn't have interpreted it, too, but maybe all this was just overwhelming?)
Anyway...I suspect that you'll have a good opportunity to have a "do over" with h....and I'm guessing that folks here can help with suggestions re. communication...my 2 cents would be to back off a bit for now and let h take the lead if you can?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I can totally see how from his perspective I hit him a lot all at once. Completely unfair of me.
Perhaps I would have been better off just talking about the wall/window analogy and stopping there.
The way I handled it, he felt like he had to defend his friends from me. Not my goal at all.
As for the wedding ring, thank you for validating that my interpretation of it, is normal...but I think I screwed up by bringing it up. I should have just kept praising him when he wore it, and ignored when he didn't. Not taken it personally, like I was.
And if him turning away from me and getting all quiet was his signal that he was on overload..well, that's a valuable signal for me to know.
I'll pay more attention in the future...
Sage, you also said:
Anyway...I suspect that you'll have a good opportunity to have a "do over" with h....and I'm guessing that folks here can help with suggestions re. communication...my 2 cents would be to back off a bit for now and let h take the lead if you can?
Sounds like a good plan.
I'll cook him a nice dinner tonight and focus on being happy, perky, and upbeat.
So...Sage, If you don't mind..I'd love to hear your thoughts on the book.
He woke me up and asked if he could ask me a question.
(Sage, I think this might be how he wants me to address issues... )
I said, "Sure."
He said, "I know you used to get really furious at me because I never helped around the house. Is that still the case?"
Gasp. Be still my beating heart!!
I said, "Husband, first of off, let me tell you, just having you think about this, and ask me, means sooo much to me."
"Second, I have noticed that you do help out a lot! And I appreciate every bit of it."
"But, sometimes, I notice that you pile your dishes in the sink and just leave them there. I'd really appreciate it if you'd put your dishes into the dishwasher."
He acknowledge that he does this. Said that most of the time, he's not sure if the dishwasher is clean or not (I need to go buy one of those clean/dirty stickers) so, he just piles them into the sink. He said when 3 days go by, he knows the dishwasher is dirty.
I told him that the whole point of doing flylady is to NOT let things pile up.
He said, "Sometimes, you leave dishes in the sink and I pile them on top of yours."
I said, "Oh, well, in that case, I need to pay more attention too."
He said that he's really happy with the effort I've been going to in order to keep our house clean. He then went on and on about how filthy his ex-roomates were. How they'd leave dishes in the sink until there were flies.
How he used to take a wrapper off of something and throw it on the floor...cause their place was so messy/filthy, one more thing didn't matter.
How he feels sorry for his roomates' baby. That he thinks the baby has eaten tons of bird seed, computer screws, and no telling what else. (Shudder)
He then mentioned how since I keep the house so clean, he's happy to take the time to clean up what little mess there is.
Like, I have a habit of leaving a bunch of cups around.
He mentioned that he gathers up my cups pretty regularly and puts them in the sink for me.
I told him I hadn't noticed and really really appreciate it!
Then he went on to tell me that I've been doing something that he's really appreciated. That when I ask him for help, it's most often at the right time.
I told him I wasn't aware I was doing this correctly!
He said, absolutely..."the wrong time is right when I get home from work, or right before I leave for work. If you ask me when I'm relaxed, I'll be like, 'sure, no problem'".
I told him, "OOO, thank you for pointing out to me what I was doing right! That helps so much..now I can pay attention and make sure to do it on purpose. Cause, before, I think I was just doing it by accident and not realizing it."
And, folks, not a word was spoken about the conversation last night.
However, since he brought up the roomates, and told me how messy they were and how much he hated it. I think he was trying to tell me, subtly, that I don't have to worry about them encouraging him to move in with them.
I love how much he praised me. And I told him so this morning.
Told him how much it meant to me that he's paying attention to these things...and helping me with them.
Makes me feel sooo good!!
(And to my shame, I must confess that before I found flylady, husband and I had an apartment that was as horrible as he says his roomates house was. But apparently, my present efforts have wiped away this past nightmare...yeah!)
)
Be still my beating heart!! 
