Sadly, the answer to that question is "yes", as you know. WW is a grown woman at the end if the day, and anything you try to do to correct her will push her away.
It bites, my friend. Look what happened to me every time I lectured H on what he was doing wrong - Fed into his justifications why leaving me and replacing me with someone else was such a great idea. Now there is this awful pain we are both dealing with. Cannot recommend it.
We DB'ers have to be tough. Vent here, zip the lips out there. It helps!
Thanks to both of you. W said S8 is doing ok now. According to her, he didn't like that he wouldn't see me until next week. But, he told me that he hated switching houses, and doesn't know why I don't/can't come home. She told him that I would see him Saturday, and I asked her what was going on Saturday, and got no response.
Sounds as if she's playing the old switch-a-roo.
Quote:
I'm glad S8 has calmed down, I am still confused though!
Look, her goal was just to calm him down to stop his crying. Then, you get to tell him why you can't see him Saturday........or leave it to her to tell him.
It is really unfair to this child to continue putting him through this every time. Don't you believe you and W need to give an joint-agreed answer for him? He is hurt at you b/c he thinks the problem is Daddy doesn't want to live with them. When kids get the brush off, they assume something else must be the reason their parents aren't being honest.......and it's usually them (the kids) that feel must be the problem keeping their parents apart.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You know, D? Sandi just made a really valid point I overlooked. Kids have the unique ability to decide anything going wrong must somehow be their fault.
You do need to speak with W about what to tell them to avoid this. My suggestion? Write out your thoughts/ideas before calling. Stay to your script as much as you can. Put aside your irritation with W, and focus on the kids. Businesslike, mildly friendly...think "neighbor".
Well, I knew a change was coming. It's not one I wanted. But, it may be necessary. Soon she is going to see the me that doesn't care if she comes back. It's going to be tough not being mad about it though. If I had a neighbor that acted like this I would look to move away. This just stinks.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Just keep it at the front of your mind that you need to come up with a coparenting plan for the benefit of the children. I get really irritated on the topic, too. No fights yet on that because I've always been able to just focus on the kids, and stop.
Just need a break. Still want my family. Not the "new and improved" her. I will be ok. Have to do the best for my boys. I'll leave the door open, but I need to start taking myself on down the road to happiness.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
That I understand. I'm struggling tonight, too. Do I check in with H, or not? If I do, it could be pursuit. If I don't, H might think I'm over him, and contact OW again. I don't know what I should do.
Tomorrow will be better. I have no need to have any interaction with her until Saturday at the earliest. S8 has a birthday party, I may take him. Not sure yet really.
Don't understand this. Don't like this. Don't really have a say in this. Back to DB I guess.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
