I just read on the DB Facebook page something that I really needed to hear. Can't share it or like it there, because that would possibly draw my friends or worse H's family to this site, where I have posted way too many details and would be "outed." This is it:
When you have problems in your marriage, people often tell you that you should get out, or that you shouldn't "put up with that crap." Then you begin to second guess yourself. Don't. If you fight for your marriage, regardless of the types or severity of your problems, it shows your integrity and your love for your marriage. You're not weak if you're willing to deal with less-than-optimal treatment from your spouse. You're simply working towards a better future. Hang in there. Michele Weiner-Davis
That is exactly what we're all doing here... if ppl fought more for their m then the rate of d would drop. Ppl think it's so easy to get a d. But it's not... thanks for sharing. ..
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
I just walked into S11's room and he was face timing H. S handed me the iPad and said "mom, talk to dad." So I talked to him for a few minutes, just simple "what's going on?" kind of stuff. The entire time H kept making an expression, kept curling up his lip on one side. And I remembered so clearly from the TED talk about reading facial expressions that this is a sign of contempt.
The conversation was short, under 5 minutes and I gave the iPad back to S, but I just feel so shaken up now. How long can he hate me? Is there any hope?
Photo
Contempt is not hate.
It is a different feeling altogether.
Damaging and separate. Let go, facial expressions are not photographs.
Your S is much more important than any of WH transitory expressions. You did well sweet heart. How you are to S is in your heart, you did that which was needed.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
A good way to get a little exercise in is with the 7 minute work out. It's a free app with a bunch of simple exercises you do for 30 secs each. Just in case you run out of bathrooms to clean, haha.
Gmum- I will never run out of things to clean because I have 3 kids and two of them (the boys) have friends over every single day- so a constant parade of boys in my house plus a D14 who is I swear part-tornado.
But I will check out that app, it sounds like a good alternative to cleaning.
