Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Time to let go.....how(3)

yes, the reality of the situation is hitting hard right now. The fact it is approaching the holidays makes things worse. I have begun emailing her regarding everything. it really takes the urge to just start spilling my guts out to her or question things and shoves it away. I can read what i am sending first and then edit. I cant edit my mouth sometimes in the thick of things. i am going to ask her that we communicate everything regarding the separation this way.
Keep your head up to. the kids are most important always remember that.

Came home to find boxes in the garage. Very hard to see. Then cutting the grass looking at the house we bought just 2.5 years ago thinking I was doing everything she wanted building g for the future. Now it is all slipping away. I know detach, let go,gal etc. I will when she is gone but this moment is too much.

Still in a difficult place. Thought i was shaking off a few things from last night, but she was heading back to another meeting for the separation agreement this morning and she was looking unbelievable. I am not sure if i am just noticing this more or she is trying to get so much more attention from everyone. she was wearing heels and everything for a meeting on a separation agreement.

I have noticed she seemed to be reaching for more attention since the BD. I am not the only one to notice. I have also noticed over the past week or so she started drinking a glass or two of wine a night. she never used to do this. She would actually make a comment if i had one or two drinks more than 2 nights in a row with dinner or after.

I know i need to let go i am watching every move right now. I know this will get a little easier when she is gone but then the loneliness will set in.

just a tough few days.

I've been there otw. We all have.

She's on a mission right now. Her time of loneliness will come.

When my fiancé left me, the next day she was posting pics on Facebook out with her friends celebrating. I was gutted. This went on for a few weeks.

It took about a month of no contact from me before reality hit her in the face. She realized that it sure did get quiet at night when other people were busy with their lives, marriages, and kids.

After we reconciled, she admitted all of this to me. She would call her mom crying and asking if she thought that I would ever give her another chance.

Remember what DR says. Believe nothing of what they say and 50% of what they do.

Your W may need to actually go through with the divorce because she thinks it will make her feel better. It won't. And that's when it will hit her..

thank you for the encouraging words Thorton. I think back to your story often. I know my story is nothing new and i am not sure what i hope to accomplish by putting things on here other than maybe just what you did for me. A little support.

This. So much this.

She thinks, "let me just get around that next bend and I will be happy". She can start to see the finish line.

But as we all know, that line doesnt mean anything. All it means is that she's there. It doesnt bring any added happiness. Think about when you were little and got a new toy for Christmas. You wanted it so much, and then FINALLY got it, played with it a little while, and then put it away.

Ill leave you with these song lyrics. I think Ive posted them on my thread a while back, but I really like them:
If you are so frequently in love
If you prefer it all to me then my love
You go down the longest road to nowhere
You pull it apart and you're just left there

Thats just it. Shes racing down the long road. But whats she going to find when she gets there? Probably not what she thinks.

Azzork
thank you. I know i will perk back up soon. It is so easy to just dwell on what is hurting us at the moment and i would do anything not to feel this way, it makes me realize that she is doing her anything to get to what she believes is happiness.
I can tell this is affecting her as well, but her taking all of the actions makes me forget this.
the other thing that is so hard to do is not use the kids as tools in this. I want to just say so much about what she is doing to them but i know it will get us no where.

thank you again.

As i am reflecting on the past few weeks i have some questions. I know that for a while i was still pursuing even though i was acting as i was not. I was being nice to w and still doing things for her and trying to act like a nice guy, we had just went on for months in the house like this. When i decided i ma getting tired of living like this while she runs around doing whatever she wants and i decided to back off and do my own thing and help push things along in the direction she had been asking for that she has really picked up the pace. I have acted like i am ok with her wanting to move and i will be just fine. Since then she has found a place to live begun having the separation agreement drafted, she seems to be detaching from me more and more. she doesnt eat dinner that i cook anymore, we went out to eat with the kids and now that she has her half of the savings she pulled out money for half of the bill.

My question is, did i choose the wrong method to try? I know we could not have kept going the way we were forever and this may have been coming no matter what but it just feels coincidental.
Do i try being nice again during the last few days or weeks we are under the same roof then go dark? I look at it like having a set time before you know someone is going to pass away or you have to put a pet down. Do i want to make the time as enjoyable as possible?

You act civil and like you are going to be just fine with or without her.

Have fun with your kids. Take them to new and exciting places that you know they will want to tell your w about.

What can you think of that would be different and exciting for you and your kids? And you remember to do this for you and your kiddos, not just a as means to try and reconcile with w.

i guess you are right. I just was thinking that we are supposed to try things then assess what works and doesnt work. I was just feeling my change really didnt work. it was like it pushed her further away. I could just be flat wrong. I will be civil and nice until she moves. then i guess it will be going dark. I am doing a lot with the kids and we have a lot of fun.

I am in a weird place where i need this phase of her moving to be over. It makes me fell really bad and i am in mourning again, but i know it will be a lot better for me once done.