Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers LBH w/ a WW trying to save my M

Just saw emails between my W and her IC. W reached out to try to schedule an appointment today. IC doesn't have anything available until next week. Now I'm not sure if I should offer to help pay for it or not. ????

Personally I would not offer to help she wants this ....it's called tough love

Keep that money in your wallet son! She needs to start doing things for herself.

Hello gnicks9,

Good for you for standing up for yourself. I too have been thinking of taking back the MB. Its good to read that it can be done.

Huddy and Ghost56,
Thank you for the encouragement. I think I will "keep that money in my wallet" It's hard because I want her to go. I would like her to go daily. I feel should could use someone she trusts speaking truth into her life and I know the IC is a MC and has a goal of R. I'll hang on to the money for now. If she asks for help I'll have to reconsider it.

Vise82
I spent almost a week praying about it and seeking guidance. I asked the guys in my men's bible study, my IC, my parents and even a prayer partner(who was an elderly lady) at the church. All agreed that we serve a God of tough love. That W has a hardened heart and will need to be put out of her comfort zone in order to start experiencing real loss. That I am biblically doing what is right for her and for me by sending her away.

I don't expect this battle is over but at least I've established another boundary for me. I imagine there will be more said about this. The good news is her verbal attacks didn't effect me like they use to. I'm going to keep fighting the good fight and I know fighting for my M is the right thing to do.

Good for you gnicks!

I am so glad to hear that your church is behind you. Makes me feel as if we are doing the right things. It's mighty nice to have God in your corner! Keep it up

Very confused.
Our mediation is scheduled for next week but I have not seen any evidence that my wife has signed the contract or made her half of the payment. This stuff was due end of last week and I took care of mine but it will be cancelled if she didn't send her stuff in.

Last night my W asked for our 2014 tax records and this morning I noticed the paperwork for our house was missing from the desk. I'm assuming she is collecting information for our mediation next week. However, before she started her A we were looking into installing new carpet in the house. Last night she stated she would like to install the carpet because she can not stand our old carpet and asked when Home Depot would be doing their 2 year 0% interest financing again. Why in the world would she want to install new carpet when our D could be finalized in about 10 weeks? I know in our state all property is split equally and even if she wanted to keep the house she would need to buy me out of it. Not only can she not afford to buy me out but she could not afford the current payment.

Any advise on mediation or what in the world she might be thinking would be greatly appreciated.

Who knows what she is thinking. I definitely wouldn't sign up for new carpet at this point.

I think your best bet would be to sit tight and see how this plays out next week.

I would like to show her I am hopeful and optimistic about us reconciling. I believe agreeing to carpet and being excited about it would show hope. It would show I do see a future for us without stating it. Actions being louder than words. However, in order to protect myself I would stipulate in mediation that if one of us decided to keep the house they would also take on the any debt accrued for updating the house.

Of course she could be thinking "well at least we'll have nice carpet for the next couple months until we sell the house".

The truth is she probably isn't thinking and of course I'm trying to attach rational thinking to someone who is running on pure selfish emotions.