Much better day today I almost thought I was going to get the whole day through without a tear ...got to 5,07 in the evening before my thouhts got the better of me
I played tennis over the weekend son was ment to but I stood in for him
And then watched him play later in the day
I can only control the things that I can control ....Me
I was I love with my W
The women I see in my house is not my W she is WW and is a very different person.
I actually stood up for myself today not something I have done in months through fear felt better
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
I am still extremely sad that it has come to this but I do understand I cannot fix her I have always been a fixer and I hate not being in control
I feel sad for my family my children
She is on a pathway that will involve selling the house after Christmas Breaking up the marriage Getting a divorce Possibly splitting up the children And I see no way out of this I know I cannot change her mind she has to want to do this
She says i made her unhappy in our marriage I did contribute to this YES she could also have done things differently we both could have done things differently but the fact is
I DID spend time with her of an evening I DIID spend time with the kids playing games reading books I DID go to children's sport days I DID participate in family meals I DID help with bath and bed time I DID take responsibility for cleaning the cars I DID do the gardening I DID manage the swimming pool keep it clean I DID help with the housework We DID do things together We DID do things as a family I DID go to school assemblies I DID take D to her activities and then help with them I DID spend time a lot of time with S Taking him four evenings and sometimes weekends to his activities I DID spend evenings watching Tv with W We DID have meals out during the daytime where I had booked,the time off I WAS always considerate when we Made Love / Had sex I would always make sure she was satisfied (possibly too much info) I DID buy her flowers and gifts I DID go out to work as much as I could 5 6 or 7 days to earn to provide for my family
YES my W did also go out to work she did provide for our family as well HR work was nights or short term contracts or weekend work or night work she did take on some full time jobs but they still involved being arround the house and she did end up doing a lot of the housework and child care but I also did what I could
BUT IN HER EYES I DID NOT DO ^^^^^^^^^^^^ ENOUGH OF THIS,^^^^^^^^^^^^
WHAT WOULD ENOUGH HAVE LOOKED LIKE
I accept I was not the perfect husband I realise this and I do take responsibility for my share YES I did enjoy time spent playing silly computer games ...after a day's work WAS IT SO WEONG to want to chill out ...YES i should not have done this when the children had not seen much of me I SHOULD HAVE PUT THEM FIRST AND I DID NOT...and now FROM THIS DAY FORWARD I WILL BE THE BEST DAD TO MY CHILDREN
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
I feel that she is being influenced by her girl friend that separate before she did probably a bit of you do it then I will she is also now probably being supported out of this by a male friend ....or I have all this wrong and it is her decision
So looking forward .......a day of work then off to the gym later going to work my ass off in the gym
I have a tennis session tomorrow evening to look forward to
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
