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Hello Gmum,

Sorry that you have found yourself here, but you will receive great advice. There are some really wonderful people on here.

As far as how to act, treat him like you have a neighbor staying with you. The tips in Sandi's rule explain it well. Light, friendly, but attached. No R talks, no overboard attention. Just cordial.

Thanks, BT13.
So do you think I should offer to let him stay here for visits, if it comes up?

Bump!

He sounds so resolved and said it was a huge relief to take off his ring.
I'm starting to think there's no hope.

Have you started reading DB or DR yet?

Yes, I've read The Divorce Remedy.

I just feel like we don't quite fit the mold. He's more like the WAW, the one who tried to shake some sense into me all these years, and I just didn't get it before it was too late.
He has a lot of resentment towards me, although he doesn't act that way. He is truly one of the good guys, I just didn't appreciate that enough.

GMum,

I am confused by your situation. Are you living apart now? It would be helpful to have more info. Ages, years married, children, etc.

Never mind, I just reread about living situation. What did you tell him when you asked him to move out? What did he say?

We don't live together. I asked him to leave, so he's been staying with friends. Soon he will go away for work again for several months, but will come back occasionally during those months to visit our toddler. I was wondering, if it comes up, if I should offer to let him stay here during those visits and during Christmas.

We've been together 16 years, married for most of those. Both of us are mid 30s

So how have you changed for the better? Have you changed any behaviors or habits?

I was overly critical before. I stopped that. I'm working hard on changing myself, not just for him, but for myself.

Money is a HUGE reason I'm in this mess. I'm being responsible with what I spend and on what - only buying necessary things like food etc. I told him I'm working on a budget for when we have two households as we have to split his income until I can start working.
I told him I want to leave this apartment asap, so we can save money and so I can start to move on.

I SO appreciate all your comments and input. It forces me to look at things from a different perspective. Keep it coming, please :-)