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I just don't see how some of you do it. I am going through such turmoil that I just can't see straight, much less keep a happy face. I try very hard to detach, but dang it is tough. I guess her living in the house until she goes to her new base isn't really helping, either. I range from anger to sadness to everything in between.

I mean, for the past 6 - 7 months, she won't let me kiss her (except on the cheek) or do any of the like. It's like the faucet completely shut off. I keep thinking about how our life was and for the life of me I can't see any valid reason for divorce. I know that she has deep emotional issues

I am just so torn I really don't know what to do. I want to save this marriage so bad that its all I can think about. In fact, our marriage is pretty much all I do think about. I think about all of the great times we had and all of the future plans we talked about - or when something from our favorite vacation spot comes in the mail, and when I do this overwhelming sadness comes back. I think I had my first panic attack the other day. Guys, I just don't know what to do.

It also angers me to no end as to how she talked of going to the show (mentioned in the above post) on her birthday with her sister instead of spending the time with the kids. The kids have been wanting to go to one of our favorite places so I said we should go soon (will leave name out just in case...) and she basically shot it down, but wants to go to her sisters for the show on her birthday??? I want to think that she loves the kids as much as she says she does, but c'mon. I remember her saying when we were dating and all about how she always said that she would never get married and definitely not have kids.

I am just so lost and all of this hurts so very bad.

Hi guys. Sorry for all of the posts that seem out of left field. Just having a very rough time today. My emotions are getting the best of me again.

Can I ask ya'll a question? What length of time constitutes an emotional affair? What about ex-boyfriends (who live several hundred miles away) who give her emotional support without the spouse knowing?

I am still angry about the whole wanting to go out of town thing over spending time with the children on her birthday. Maybe I shouldn't be, but the fact that she is getting ready to move doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Also, her not wanting us to move with her (financial, educational reason) doesn't really fly. Wouldn't a mother who supposedly loved her kids more than anything want them to be there? I just don't understand how she could see this as beneficial to them. I wonder if her mental mindset is playing a part in this. Someone suggested that she may not really want the kids, but I can't believe that. I am just so confused and lost.

And then there is the whole issue of D. I still cannot find or come up with a valid reason for D. The only thing that I can think of is a combination of her past, work pressures,and the fact that the SIL is also getting a D. Sure, we have had problems, but none worthy of D.

Why am I the bad guy? In other words, why do I get blamed for everything? For example, just yesterday she pulled the card of "well, for 7 years you didn't..." when referring to cleaning up. I told her please don't do that. But the devil got into me and when I was doing the dishes, I told her to sit down and I have it...she said "No, I can do it" to then I said, well you deserve it as for the past 7 years I didn't. She then said "I like you flipped that back on me..." WTF?????

Since I read into everything, someone please help me decipher her statement of "the relationship part of us is on a break." I cannot make sense of that statement.

Thank all of you for putting up with ramblings! Today just isnt a good day at all.

Did you ever finish reading DR?

Kinda didn't finish reading it...

So I have a new situation that just came up yesterday that I could use some advice on. Promise this one is a little different...

So my own family has basically "disowned" my W. There is a birthday party in a few weeks for my nephew and my own SIL asked how the invitation should be made out - to just me and the kids? Or just the kids?

I told her that we ALL are coming because we are still working on us - yes, there has been a subtle shift in my W's attitude, etc. My SIL then answered that she wasn't welcome in her house, and if I did bring her then she would give my W a piece of her mind. I told her that even though we are having problems, my W is still my W until the divorce goes through (if it does) and until then she should be treated as such.

My own SIL has the holier than thou attitude. I told her not to make me chose, because they wouldn't like the answer. My W deserves respect, even if we are having problems. I told my SIL that if my W isn't welcome, then neither am I. I just do not know what to do. My kids love my nephew, but I strongly feel that they shouldn't go where my W isn't welcome. She is their mother, and yes, we are working on us.

I can't help but also think that this behavior may drive a wedge in my own family and cause my W to feel unwanted or angry, which could possibly hurt reconciliation. What does everyone think?

A little more: I seriously think that my family's actions are going to negatively impact chances of reconciliation. One thing that she firmly believes in is family, especially considering the home life that she grew up in where that lifestyle was non-existent. There is also her mental state, where such negative comments and actions play into her mind. She loves my family and I just feel that their actions would push her even further away. Heck, they de-friended on social media, and any nice comments from my W about my family on that site go un-recognized - and my W still comments/likes things they post.

I know that maybe I shouldn't, but I am going to repeat the talk I had with her the other day. I just feel that if we do work, it is in our best interest as a family to move somewhere else and start life anew. There is work readily available in both of our career fields, so that isn't an issue. Things may be tight, but living here near my family is toxic. I just don't see how their negative attitudes towards her can be so easily forgotten and forgiven if we do reconcile. My family holds grudges. Maybe it is just best to move and start over, but she so desperately wants our kids to have a family life outside of our own.

This whole thing is just killing me! I am so sickened by my own family's behavior. Yes, my W and I are on the verge of D, but there may also be a chance of reconciliation - and that chance is all I have.

"Kinda didn't finish reading it... whistle eek"

So in what way have you been DBing? Reading through your sitch, I haven't seen any changes or plans. You ask alot of questions that are covered in the book and actually could have avoided many mistakes because they are also covered.

If you don't think your M is worth spending a few minutes reading a book, I'm not sure you want to save it.

11 please take the time to read and consider, it is going to be very difficult for amazing vets like MrBond to help you and supporters like V to reflect and empathise.

The basics such as Sandis 37 guidelines were my mantra, I laminated them and carried them around with me. I have read both DB and DR at least once a month. That's 15 times in the time I have been DB, there is still much to learn.

I know I am not unusual in this.

V

^^^^^^. Priceless just re opened my eyes ...time for me to re read DR

bump again (success story)