I really think you are not understanding me or you are choosing not to listen. I am not judging you or your marriage.
A very wise woman told me "no matter how flat you make it, a pancake always has two sides."
My point is that you are so wrapped up in your side that you can't see hers. You say things like "I wasn't that bad" or "she must be crazy" or "she's getting the wrong kind of counseling". As Painter said, the only thing you can control is your half of this. To her, you and your marriage was so hurtful to her that she chose to go to a woman's shelter instead of staying in your house. Do you REALLY think something snapped in her head and she lost her mind? I don't know anything about your relationship, but somehow, to her, she felt it was the best option.
So. You need to really look at YOURSELF and figure out what you contributed to the downfall of your marriage and clean it up. The first step in the DB process is to start over with a Beginner's Mind - I think you should do that.
Now, of course, as others said, you ALSO should discuss with a L on how to get at least some amount of custody of your children. That is also important.
well i have set up my first coach call this thursday. My wife has already started looking for a job and looking for an apt to live in. Is this the end?
so this is what my wife txt me last night after i asked her i can talk to my daughter for 1 min at least.
"Listen I've asked you civilized and nicely I am not talking to you and also informed you that this relationship is over. You continue to send me emails and contact me and my family. And not only are we concerned but now I am afraid as well for my well being and my kids well being. I've told you time and time again there are consequences for your actions. If you realized 4 years later what was happening in our marriage or decided to just now "do your homework",as you called it in the email, then that's a consequence and a reality you now have to face. Just as I am facing my reality. In case you forgot I suggested counseling before which you didnt take serious, i suggested a retreat which you fell asleep in, i also suggested going to church and bible study which i ended up dragging you to. So i have tried, i have been humiliated, neglected, harrassed, and exhausted. You knew i didnt want a broken home and took advantage of that and thought id never leave, but i also have self respect . You initially asked to speak to the girls i allowed you because i am looking for the best interest in my girls and not long after you hung up with them you twist the truth and accuse me of being irrational and did not appreciate the fact that i set our problems aside so they can speak to you. Everyday its something different, one day im the bad one and im irrational and the next day you realized you were wrong. Due to your continous change of attitude as well as the unhealthy ways you have been acting, like now going to the lengths of following me without me knowing, I have been professionally advised to not allow you to speak to the girls until this is cleared up. So please leave me alone because you are scaring me and stop contacting me most importanltu STOP following me. I am getting things resolved the girls are in the best place they can be for the time being. Thank you.
by what i mean by this , is if i should file for divorce ? I dont want her to screw me over by telling the judge im going crazy by following her etc, when thats not the case, the only reason i followed was to know where my daughters were since she wouldnt tell me. I need advise since divorce is not what i wanted. Should i get a L in order to file for divorce and 50/50 custody? Or do guys believe i still have a chance? I am so confused and hungry for answers , getting desperate.
well the only way to get 50/50 custody of my daughter is to file for D. And i was following my wife, it was just in the moment and i wanted to find out where my kids were. Did i do wrong?
